Awakening and Getting Out of the Rut

[WisdomSeeker]

This seems to be a common theme with awakening, but I thought I should pose it none the less. I had an awakening experience on 5meo, and proceeding that experience I have drifted into a rut/depression. I have not experienced a deep depression like this in my life, but I also haven't had my identity and ego backed into a corner like I did taking 5meo. 

Let me explain my story. I had a high-paying stressful consulting job. I was good at what I did, but it was very unfulfilling. After almost a year, I decided to quit the job Sept of this year and 
decided to take 5meo to explore the experience that Leo talks about. That same month, I took it and it was just like how he explained, it left me completely in awe. 
Up until this point, I had meditated, but never experienced anything close to this state.  I've been taking my time, post my 5meo trip, to come down from it and really invest in being in the moment. It was something I neglected for most of my life., as I've always been an overachiever. 
It's now been 3 months and I have to get back into the workforce. I have a highly valuable skill set and I could get a job quite easily if I was not selective, but I know I wouldn't be happy. I've taken the life purpose class and am working on a side business, but I need an interim job in the meantime. 
This coupled with the fact that no one in my circle of colleagues understands why I'm so reluctant to go back into the workforce. I would say I'm even treated like 
I have the plague, as soon as they see I've been taking my time and that I'm unemployed they treat me like I'm of no value to them. 

My 5meo experience has shown me that:
- Much of life is an illusion, and it's painful to see it for what it is. At least, at first. I have to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that I'm just going through 
a temporary phase. I want to say that the state I'm in right now, my experience seems to be that things get worse before they can get better. This seems extremely counter-intuitive, but like Leo has
pointed out there are many things in life that are counter-intuitive. 
- Before I took 5meo, most of what I did was motivated by neurotic anxiety and caffeine. Honestly, I don't know how to sustainable motivate myself any other way. I guess I will have
to teach myself how to work non-neurotically, which almost seems as fundamental and difficult for me as learning to walk again. 
- ***This spiritual path is extremely lonely just like Leo warned. Even if loneliness is just an illusion. 
- No one in my personal circle understands what I am going through. And I seem to be losing the support system that I did have. For example, my girlfriend and I are drifting apart. 
I'm less interested in going out and doing things, and as I explained, the "friends" I had that were focused on accomplishing and progressing in their careers now look at me like I have the plague,
because I'm not chasing cheese in the maze anymore.  
- I need to find teachers in my area. This virtual community will not suffice as my primary resource for support. 

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks. 

[LfcCharlie4]

Hi mate never taken 5MEO, but been in the rut you’ve described and can say I’ve come out of the other side. 

Let me just say it gets a LOT fucking better, in fact  I often forget how much I’ve grown in the last 9 months and take my existential experience for granted, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

Yes most of life is illusory, however this frees us up to do whatever we want in life.

in the end it comes back full cuticle, this moment as it is is truly it, they may sound foreign now, but contemplate it, THIS IS IT! 

Also, awakening doesn’t mean you can’t lead a “normal” life, you can develop a career you love, have hobbies you enjoy, friends and relationships etc, in fact complete awakening (what I class as LOC 1000) makes you more human than ever before. 

After all what’s the point In life if we don’t enjoy it and have fun? 

As westerners who are involved in life, Tantric spirituality (more than just sex lol) is what suits us best, there’s nothing wrong with pleasure and enjoying life! If you want to go and life in a cave by all means feel free, but if you want to be involved and live a full life you can! 

Whatever you love, go out and do that, enjoy yourself for a while, you sound stuck in a rut, and having fun might help you get out of it  

If you ever feel you need to chat feel free to ask questions as I know just how shit this path can truly be mate. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, life is amazing! 

And, this is it  

[Sandra45]

What do you want to achieve? What are your goals?

[WisdomSeeker]

@LfcCharlie4   thanks man. How did you end up getting out of your rut? What was your story like leading up to your rut  and after? Do you have a circle where you live that supports your path? 

 

Edited November 22, 2019 by WisdomSeeker

[WisdomSeeker]

@Sandra45 what I hope to achieve, is living a life at peace and in harmony with reality and nature.  Decreased anxiety and joy , love, and gratefulness in the moment. I have more elaborate goals that I believe will lead me here, but there are steps I need to take to get to them and I think it will be a gradual process vs something drastic. 

[allislove]

@WisdomSeeker 5meo was your first psychedelic?

If yes, I would advice to explore a more beginner-friendly psychedelics like LSD and shrooms (after you fully integrate 5meo experience).

There is nothing to do here, except of trying to figure out what you really want to do and do it (hint: it will include some sort of love).
 

Edited November 22, 2019 by dimitri

[LfcCharlie4]

@WisdomSeeker hi mate I’ll cut a long story short. 

I began working with my teacher (Ananda Devi) in February on a 1-1 basis and reviving RASA (a transmission) and honestly without it I think I’d still be in the rut, personally as it’s worked for me I support this path. In 9 months my existential experienced has revolutionised honestly. 

I understand the solo psychedelic path has its benefits, but personally I feel most of us will need some assistance if we want to fully self realize in this lifetime, for me it has made the journey so much easier and enjoyable! 

I had my first awakening around March time and honestly the growth has been amazing since then, if you want to know more aboht my path feel free to message me, but as I respect this is Leo’s forum and community I won’t go into too much detail here.

(I’m not denying psychedelics can give you amazing insights and awakenings, I just believe there are more efficient paths to full self realisation in your everyday life) 

have an amazing weekend  

[WisdomSeeker]

@Maximus thanks for the response. I did not have a bad trip . It was actually an overwhelmingly positive one, but the fleeting state of a higher level of consciousness and the insights I think are what led me to depression, coupled with not knowing how I will be able to fulfill my life's purpose, which Leo has mentioned a number of times to let go of the need to know how .  This is something I am working on, but I believe it is one of my biggest weaknesses and can be crippling at times. 

You are correct I would agree the depression is probably related to not feeling supported or getting adequate guidance in my journey to achieve peace and harmony. 

Regarding being abandoned by a social norm, yes there is fear, but not so much the vanity of that social norm versus the comfort, even as "illusory" as it maybe, of knowing where I'm going and how to get there. The comfort of going on an already frequented path, is that  it's easier to know where you are going and easier to formulate how you will get there.  The discomfort is that the path is to mediocrity and it's the wrong target to be aiming at.  In this way it is illusory. Many of the things Leo mentions in his wage slavery video, were aligned with my experience especially in terms of lack of ethics and devilry.  Not to mention how it was a huge distraction from my core values. I almost wish Leo had case studies of people who have done what he was able to do, follow a life purpose that was aligned with their highest values,help other people in the process and get their bills paid.  Learning about how they overcame their obstacles would also be helpful. 

Regarding a local community, I think I am going to join a sangha in my area. 

I would definitely take you up on the human design reading. Let me know.  Thanks again for your help. 

 

 

 

[Surfingthewave]

@WisdomSeeker This is the very tricky part of the path, how to navigate your "real life" especially when you have an awakening experience which illuminates the meaning we place on everything. 

My advice to you would be to consider regular softer practices such as meditation, yoga, life purpose work to get you to the place you want to be in life with your new shift in consciousness. It was brave of you to quit work, so you have fearlessness deep within you. 

The other thing I would say in the case of your social relationships is, yes you may feel isolated at times but enjoy the new form your relationships will take. When I spend time with my friends I listen more, I'm more non judgemental and can bring more depth to these friendships. I'm open to meeting others on the path and I also enjoy being with the ones who bring me joy, it's almost like everything has come into focus. 

Case studies would be a great idea, perhaps propose this to Leo or start a thread? I guess the journals are really case studies themselves. I know Nahm has written a previous thread on his journey. 

We still need to chop wood and carry water, it's up to you how you do this. Good luck and enjoy the journey. 

Edited November 24, 2019 by Surfingthewave