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About Maximus

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  1. The number one reason you aren't happy The one thing the one per cent do The YouTube motivation that will save you It is all kind of bullshit really I took a cold shower at 5am I am still broke and miserable as shit
  2. I am on the brink and highly suicidal in thoughts.
  3. Thinking of a lot of things. How I backed out of the sports psychologist. How I feel a projector description is accurate. How I am not valued wherever I express self. How I am giving so much and receiving fuck all. Jesus Christ. I feel I need to re-evaluate my relationship with women. In other words get ruthlessly real about how the truth is. I think of Thailand and in the group I got everything right and wasn't listened to and how the only solution is to not give a fuck. These people genuinely don't want me.
  4. My first reiki experience was also outstanding. For the week or so afterwards I was meditating in the sun and I saw my third eye chakra spinning. It was an interesting time. I felt more relaxed and feeling definitely mattered and thinking didn't matter at all. Babies on the street would say hi to me. It was a bit weird. Anyway, when I tried to describe my subjective experience to my reiki practitioner, it was like she didn't get all of it or didn't feel it was the entire answer to everything. She helped me with a lot of stuff and I even became a certified level two myself, but what I mean to say is, my subjective experience from my first experience was my peak and certain things are always subjective. That being said, I have also had other sessions with other practitioners that have also peaked my state into momentary bliss for a long time. I agree it can also be achieved with a great yoga session or a theta healing session for example. But yes, it is possible the state you are in was triggered by your first session, however the point is the state you are in and not what pointed you to it. Like I mean your subjective experience that no one else understands. Feeling good in that. It is pretty cool. More important than reiki. But reading your post, my first reiki experience put me into that state, other things took me out of it, and then I tried to use reiki to counter-act the other things and it is not the same experience every time. MDMA was also like this. Even deep breathing can be like this. Something about the novelty of these adventures. The openness and the setting and the timing. What you are describing is presence. Flow. In the zone. Optimum experience. The indescribable. Everyone around you is in a lesser state and it doesn't really matter, everything is beautiful. I am reminiscing and finding it hilarious as I am typing this. But I have been where you have been. I have felt the rough sand soft as silk on my feet on the beach and gave reiki to a stray dog. Meditation on love and listening to The Beatles got me there once as well... Full gift of experience beyond happiness. Good.
  5. Thinking about experiment vs. commitment. How the words don't mean a thing to me. In reality. How I can only go hard for so long. When I intended forever. I change so much. So fucking much. And yet I stay the same in terms of completing nothing of value. I don't like seeing my pedestal woman doing things I don't agree with. I hate seeing my artistic superior look weaker than me in an area. These heroes having vices and imperfections. How can you be so greater than me in one aspect and yet not. It doesn't make sense. My limitations. Yours. The pressure I feel. On me.
  6. A recurring theme for me in any new venture is great starting but lack of perseverance, lack of resilience. I have tried many self help methods and continually end up further frustrated. I don't know how to develop this and feel it is too late.
  7. I don't know. I have heard it can be 1-2 years but everyone is different.
  8. Umm, yes. Next time you want to watch porn, replace it with masturbation.
  9. Is this still working for you? If so, which type of psilocybin shrooms do you use?
  10. Micro-dosing with pure MDMA seems to help me a bit but it is illegal and so I don't do it
  11. Just a thought... what is the actual addiction here? Is it looking at porn, masturbating to porn, or what is the specific issue. Whatever the specific act is, replace it with another specific act which is the same verb but replace the noun.
  12. 1. I think your state going in has a lot to do with it. The bad trip I had on another substance I was drinking and tired and not respecting the dosage and not in a safe environment with unsupportive people, or at least non-understanding people. 2. Yes, I am diagnosed with depression and experience what you described as a default state. So yes, I think the first one is a good lesson, and as for the second one, maybe it is for empathising more about people with depression.
  13. Maybe mastery of psychedelic dating is complete elimination of it. By that I mean when I am set on my number one goal in life, I mustn't entertain fantasy.
  14. Goal update: I have to commit to spending £300 investing in myself on Saturday in order to become a pro football player. I am feeling anxious about it. I am thinking this is never going to end well. I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed. I don't think it will work out. I can't see a way out that will work.
  15. Ask me about a time I was happy. Completely free and naked in the Pacific Ocean, doing handstand somersaults and sun salutations, exactly what I want when I want, and not giving a fuck. I rode straight to perfect laughter, like Bukowski said. Life is that hard pain in the brain. Alone.