How do you approach family\couple budgeting?

[Hello from Russia]

I welcome everyone to discuss and share budgeting methods you use with your spauces\girlfriends when you're living together and having a shared household. Do you go 50%\50% on everything? Do you (as a male) pay more for things? How do you address income inequality in a couple? And things like that. Experience of those of you,  who are married, or who lived together in a couple for a long time is highly appreciated and valuable here

[Eph75]

In the earlier days my wife went to school and have worked way less than me, I have worked full time all of my adult life, so naturally I've had a much higher income than she have had. So at some point, just to avoid the complications with sharing costs all the time we simple went with me paying the same percentage of the reoccurring expenses as the percentage of the total household income we had. On top of that we've had some additional responsibilities such as she shopping groceries and I fuel the car + take pretty much any other expense that comes along such as eating out etc.

Other planned expenses that are "shared" fall into the above model as well.

It's worked out great, we've never had any economical arguments or disagreements ever since, we just know what to do and it is what it is. 

Another reason why we've kept this up is that I've had a lot of esoteric and expensive interests and I see so many other couples fight over money and expenses, resulting that either party is prevented from doing or buying what they like just because the other party doesn't agree as the money are "ours".

Our concept 100% removes all that toxicity, I get whatever I want, I don't have to justify it to anyone and my wife does not hold the power to "approve" what I want to do, economically speaking (or practically for that matter).

I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Works perfect.

[Hello from Russia]

@Eph75 Thank you for your input! So, your model basically works like this: For example, your wife makes 30% of total income and you make 70% income, you, then, share the check 30\70% on things? Do you save money also 30\70?

[Eph75]

Save money - yes, shared savings. We have separate savings as well. In the end, it is just a formality to allow more freedom and less conflict. 

[Aquarius]

I used to date a guy for 4 years and he payed for like almost everything. We didn't live together tho... but he payed for everything!!!

I'd say if you rent something do the rental 50/50, and have the other things you buy your own and hers/his. And yeah as a male you are the provider so maybe pay 60/40? Be a bit easy on her.. and take her to concerts and tea. 

[Eph75]

To me it makes no sense in being male meaning being the "provider" by default. If the woman makes more money or has strong capital it makes only sense that she takes a higher amount of the costs. 

Pampering her is a different matter and should be done because you want to, not because some cultural rules says it should be that way and you are looked down upon if not complying. Again, this is from my world perspective, in other places, with other people it is different. That does not mean that I don't do that, but as soon as demands start happening then screw that. 

We're moving towards a future where genders and gender roles will matter less, some will have a dick, some will have a vag, some side-effects from that fact is obvious, but we're all just human beings in the end and the rest is individual working agreements. Today there is too much focus on the genders. We need no focus on neither gender. Holding on to the notion that the man is the provider and should essentially lay down in a puddle of water and mud so that hid lady can walk over him feels very old school thinking. To me, it is a bit funny that women want shared rights and opportunities but when it comesnto these kind of things, then things should stay olf school. Demanding the best from both worlds but not the not favorable sides.

Sorry for the somewhat OT rant 

Edited November 6, 2019 by Eph75

[ajasatya]

@Hello from Russia Consider all income as one and then spend whatever you need when needed.

This is how I think of income: there is no "mine" or "hers". Everything we do has to come from an agreement. It's like a mini laboratory for public expenditures... except that there are only two people involved (for now).

[Hello from Russia]

2 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@Hello from Russia Consider all income as one and then spend whatever you need when needed.

This is how I think of income: there is no "mine" or "hers". Everything we do has to come from an agreement. It's like a mini laboratory for public expenditures... except that there are only two people involved (for now).

Interesting way to do it, I'd say it is pretty advanced

[mandyjw]

The best tip I have for success is to talk about money often and make it a fun subject, dreaming for the future, making goals, enjoying your progress together, researching and discussing saving and investing strategies together. My husband and I both have strengths and blind spots in different areas, and are both fairly frugal but not excessively, so we are a good couple. In the past I usually got really worried about money easily and he would have to talk me down from that. I'm trying to learn to do that for myself. 

He graduated college in the worst of the financial crisis with a degree in a hard hit industry. I had lived with my parents and started a business that turned out well while he was in school. For the first part of our marriage I made a lot more than he did and paid for the down payment for the house, mortgage, wedding and most of the bills, then after we had kids I wasn't able to work as much and his income rose and he took over most of the bills. We just shuffled bills around as it made sense at the time. 

I have heard that the best thing to do is combine your money if you are married. We still haven't combined ours. I know that I'm neurotic about money so I don't want to monitor all of his transactions because I'll be tempted to nitpick. I also have a business and an independent streak and it motivates me to easily see how much I make.