iceprincess

sexual hangups

5 posts in this topic

ever since the 6th grade i was always uncomfortable with being physically intimate with a boy. i kept on delaying having my first kiss with my first boyfriend for months and then he broke up with me and then i kept delaying sex with my highschool boyfriend and he dumped me as well. the highschool ex keeps coming back and i am still not ready to have sex. there's lots of different reasons why i keep stalling. i am very uncomfortable with my body and im really scared to make noises and just let loose.  im so worried about my performance that i get so tense i end up being so bad. this has really affected my relationships with men. other than excerise to gain body confidence, what else can i do to be completely uninhibited and open to enjoying sexual pleasure?

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Lets say you meet a guy, he is your type and he, like you, haven’t done the deed. Regardless of what happens you’ll never meet him again. 

Here is what I think is going to happen. You’re not going to embarrass yourself and even if you do, he probably wouldn’t notice. 

For guys losing their virginity is a  huge deal and he’ll be as nervous as you are. Furthermore let’s just say you won’t have much time to embarrass yourself.

It’s probably going to be a pretty lame experience since it’s his first time, so you wouldn’t “lose” control. 

Once you get the ball started it gets easier(I mean that metaphoricallyxD)

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On 31/10/2019 at 3:04 AM, iceprincess said:

ever since the 6th grade i was always uncomfortable with being physically intimate with a boy. i kept on delaying having my first kiss with my first boyfriend for months and then he broke up with me and then i kept delaying sex with my highschool boyfriend and he dumped me as well. the highschool ex keeps coming back and i am still not ready to have sex. there's lots of different reasons why i keep stalling. i am very uncomfortable with my body and im really scared to make noises and just let loose.  im so worried about my performance that i get so tense i end up being so bad. this has really affected my relationships with men. other than excerise to gain body confidence, what else can i do to be completely uninhibited and open to enjoying sexual pleasure?

Just be aware of this. Continue to express it but don't identify with it. Soon you will see that it's your ego, a pattern that you made fixed and identified with over time. 

Just take a non judgemental non attached watchful attitude to the "person" acting this pattern out. Allow it to be and be as present as you can with it. Don't make it into a problem. It's part of your "now" and unless you can learn to disidentify with it you will never heal it. You need to disidentify with it first so that you can see that it's a mechanical object that can change. If it's "you", if it's part of a sense of yourself then you will find it very difficult to change because of the fear of losing part of yourself. 

Notice your attachment to this story, notice how you secretly like being this way because it gives you a sense of identity and security (of sorts). Just notice and continue to notice and express and integrate and soon it will go away.

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On 31/10/2019 at 3:04 AM, iceprincess said:

ever since the 6th grade i was always uncomfortable with being physically intimate with a boy. i kept on delaying having my first kiss with my first boyfriend for months and then he broke up with me and then i kept delaying sex with my highschool boyfriend and he dumped me as well. the highschool ex keeps coming back and i am still not ready to have sex. there's lots of different reasons why i keep stalling. i am very uncomfortable with my body and im really scared to make noises and just let loose.  im so worried about my performance that i get so tense i end up being so bad. this has really affected my relationships with men. other than excerise to gain body confidence, what else can i do to be completely uninhibited and open to enjoying sexual pleasure?

One sign that you're making progress is that you will naturally find the behaviour cringey. That's when you need to be able to stay really present so that you don't get taken over by it again. It will do many things to you to try to trick you into identifying with it again. It will probably create other kinds of drama in your life, so be aware of this potential, if you're present in the moment you will have the resources to make the connection between this pattern and the other parts of your life that don't seem to work or new dramas and "problems" that arise. All problems arise from one source, the egoic mind.

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On 10/31/2019 at 3:04 AM, iceprincess said:




im really scared to make noises and just let loose.






who says you need to make noises, in the end you might be so focused on making noises that you can not let go. if there is a noise it will come out on its own. you are probably cramping about the expectations you want to meet in the other person. your attention is more towards the outside appearance of yourself in the act than what it really should be for yourself - sexuality should not be a show you put on to keep the attention of another alive. it sounds like you fear more about the disappointment of the other than your own. you can`t be a goddess at the first time, you might not even orgasm for the first twenty to hundreth time. sorry to take you this illusion, but better to get the pressure off from yourself, that you have to or have to play something you are not. if you would orgasm during first intercourse you would be the first female to talk about, but if you like your ex then have sex with him, if you feel you can`t expose yourself to him, then he might not be the right one. part of it is to expose to him what you think is ugly about yourself aswell and realize, that he might not think the same way. start to get interested about his body and let him be interested about yours, if you don`t like it don`t do it. or do you say you already had sex but end up tense during sex? he`s your ex so either you drop it or you start to enyoy it, if he`s not the right one for the second, maybe the first would be the wiser choice.



there are also some basics i would check first, if you are really uncomfortable being physical intimate with boys, did you ever kiss a girl and check if you might like that more?

Edited by remember

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