Defending insecurities

[sausagehead]

Does defending insecurities lead to shame and low self esteem? Would a counter intuitive move to higher self esteem be to admit and expose those aspects of yourself that you consider “bad”? 

If someone can’t admit that they lost their virginity at a later age than the average person then that must reinforce their shame. They believe it’s bad (shameful) instead of deploying an “it is what it is” attitude and being honest about it regardless of other people’s opinions. What do you think? I feel like my defensive behavior is damaging and I need to go way more on the offense. So many strengths masquerade as weaknesses and I think exposing insecurities is one of them

Edited April 29, 2019 by sausagehead

[Shaun]

In my experience, it does. All I wanted in life was sex and if I didn't get it by 35, I was going to give up and kill myself. Now after delving deeper into nonduality, being a virgin doesn't matter at all to me anymore. All I am doing is surviving, meditating and contemplating. Take action to change stuff if you can, if you can't change it, accept it to the best of your ability.

Edited April 29, 2019 by Shaun

[Flatworld Crusades]

I suppose whether or not you defend a situation in your life depends how you feel about the situation. If we have guilt, anger or something like humiliation you may very well get on the defensive. I lived through 5 years of trauma & would practise my responses so I sounded like I was all cool, which gave me more anxiety. Ultimately I realised that my life was absolutely my business only so I stopped giving answers. If anyone pushed I'd say I don't want to talk about it. 

Extra benefit taking the focus of my issues helped me heal

[Lister]

@sausagehead Ultimately defending insecurities is a mental habit that people use because we're conditioned to look outward rather than just take total responsibility for and be with our feelings.

The goal is to stop employing these defence mechanisms (blaming, justifying, debating, ruminating, projecting) and just put attention on the feeling that is being avoided.

 

[Anton_Pierre]

@sausagehead If someone is insecure are their virginity then haven't risen their kundalini high enough.

[Shin]

You have to accept it internally, by shining awareness (which is you) on it.

Of course it helps to be open and vulnerable when you talk to people about it,
But it needs to be genuine and not be a facade to hide the fact that you have wounds about it.