What is the purpose of Jealousy or Envy?

[now is forever]

On 25.4.2019 at 5:49 PM, bflare said:

I will try to explain this as well as I can so please bear with me. I have been broken up with my ex now for 6 months & it was a toxic relationship. I had to leave for my own mental health although I still love & care for her or at least I think I do. I believe she is dating or interested in this other dude & this has made me contemplate a few things that I am trying to get my head round & wondered if anyone could help me out?

Basically, it’s about jealousy & how jealousy actually affects us. Jealousy is an emotion & can cause emotional pain if we allow it to. Let’s look at what I am actually jealous of. Well I am jealous that this guy is better looking than me. He lifts & is in better shape than I am. I worry that he is better in bed than I am. So, if we say that he is all these things then how does it actually affect me? My ex could be with this guy now complimenting him on his body & how better in bed he is than I was but I am still alive, I am not feeling any physical pain from this idea that he is better than me so why does jealousy cause so much emotional pain. What is the real source of it? Is it just the Ego that feels damaged because of it? I just cannot get my head around what purpose this negative emotion of jealousy is for? Why does it cause so much hurt & problems when it doesn’t actually kill or hurt us? So what if she is drooling over his body, I think about this & I feel upset but why? Men actually kill because of this emotion but it serves no purpose in my eyes.

Could anyone expand on this? Why do we feel so hurt over things that do not physically hurt us?

be aware that if she really liked you and there is still something left between you like basic respect, she will not compare you. you react to that guy with basic rivalry don’t even knowing if it’s those aspects you yourself think make him a better partner or not, why she might have chosen him. maybe for her it’s because his smile is cute... maybe she even preferred your body type, but you both where not compatible, because of toxicity towards each other. the relationship is still toxic even though it’s over because you didn’t severe the connection, because there are still open dreams connected to that girl. maybe she was the first girl you had this deep connection with and now you think you loose that because of the other guy. it seems like it’s not even about her or about what you shared but about yourself using her as a mirror - the other guy stands naked next to you, you only compare physiognomy. if it’s not the love of your life, you need to severe the connection to that person and go on, find someone else, wish them good luck.

the reflection about jealousy vs envy makes not much sense in love rivalry like that, it’s mostly jealousy because of envy. maybe there is even nothing much to be envious about.

Edited April 29, 2019 by now is forever

[Flatworld Crusades]

9 hours ago, Angelo John Gage said:

And yet it exists naturally. Natural doesn't presume good or bad. Cancer is also natural.

It's just the definition of natural that is being questioned. In any case Jealousy, in my opinion, is not an emotion that we should be experiencing. Animals evolving in the wild is Charles Darwin, Survival of the fittest, not a jealousy attack. 

[bflare]

On ‎27‎/‎04‎/‎2019 at 10:26 PM, dinone said:

Emotions are fuel for everything we do. Human minds are playground of emotions. Depends on what games are you playing in that playground you can became creator of your own bullshits (illusions). We humans are full of that. How to overcome this?
Well, with creating another "bullshits" like meditation, yoga, religion, new age, self-help books, spiritual teachers, 12 steps....etc. Fight fire with fire. Good luck man!

I am in AA so working a 12 step program & this is helping me see some of my character defects together with improving my confidence.

[bflare]

4 hours ago, now is forever said:

be aware that if she really liked you and there is still something left between you like basic respect, she will not compare you. you react to that guy with basic rivalry don’t even knowing if it’s those aspects you yourself think make him a better partner or not, why she might have chosen him. maybe for her it’s because his smile is cute... maybe she even preferred your body type, but you both where not compatible, because of toxicity towards each other. the relationship is still toxic even though it’s over because you didn’t severe the connection, because there are still open dreams connected to that girl. maybe she was the first girl you had this deep connection with and now you think you loose that because of the other guy. it seems like it’s not even about her or about what you shared but about yourself using her as a mirror - the other guy stands naked next to you, you only compare physiognomy. if it’s not the love of your life, you need to severe the connection to that person and go on, find someone else, wish them good luck.

the reflection about jealousy vs envy makes not much sense in love rivalry like that, it’s mostly jealousy because of envy. maybe there is even nothing much to be envious about.

You are right. I am making all this up in my head, I have no idea if she prefers this or that. It is to do with how I see myself. I know in my heart that I am more intelligent, compassionate, honest, caring so why am I not mentioning these? As you say it I am using her as a mirror I am projecting my insecurities onto her. My insecurities are my looks & that's what I am imagining that she is comparing me against with him. The jealousy or envy is my own making due to my insecurities. Now I need to find out how to solve this?

[now is forever]

20 minutes ago, bflare said:

You are right. I am making all this up in my head, I have no idea if she prefers this or that. It is to do with how I see myself. I know in my heart that I am more intelligent, compassionate, honest, caring so why am I not mentioning these? As you say it I am using her as a mirror I am projecting my insecurities onto her. My insecurities are my looks & that's what I am imagining that she is comparing me against with him. The jealousy or envy is my own making due to my insecurities. Now I need to find out how to solve this?

maybe by finding out what streangths you have? and trying to find a way making peace with her for yourself.

[Angelo John Gage]

tworld Crusades but we do not know that they don't feel something; in fact, it makes more sense that they do. You can see males literally fight over females; there is some kind of chemistry that drives them to do this; but unlike us, they cannot conceptualize it into an "emotion" like we do. 

[Angelo John Gage]

@Flatworld Crusades   but we do not know that they don't feel something; in fact, it makes more sense that they do. You can see males literally fighting over females; there is some kind of chemistry that drives them to do this; but unlike us, they cannot conceptualize it into an "emotion" like we do. 

[DrewNows]

@Angelo John Gage @Flatworld CrusadesIt’s interesting, your discussion. 

I believe animals appear to exhibit jealousy but that it doesn’t serve the same function as it does for humans. Jealousy is indeed a “natural” emotion for us and if it is felt we should be feeling It but we misunderstand its message which signifies that it’s unnecessary to exhibit 

[Angelo John Gage]

@DrewNows they are acting on some emotion (chemical reaction) which I think is basically the same as ours, but they can't be like "We, I feel like insecure because that monkey is hotter than me"... They just fight lol.

 

[DrewNows]

12 minutes ago, Angelo John Gage said:

@DrewNows they are acting on some emotion (chemical reaction) which I think is basically the same as ours, but they can't be like "We, I feel like insecure because that monkey is hotter than me"... They just fight lol.

 

No I believe it’s a different mode of operation all together. Like instinctually protecting the heard and keeping a order for survival. They don’t even perceive as humans do. Dog for example won’t show guilt or remorse for attacking their owner if instinctively triggered 

[Angelo John Gage]

@DrewNows  idk, I had a parrot and it literally went nuts lol. Dolphins have large brains and experience emotions; in fact, can sense them or something.