Emerald

Anyone here had an enlightenment experience?

103 posts in this topic

22 minutes ago, Emerald @ The Diamond Net said:

I was looking into information on Kundalini awakening for a time a couple years ago. But the practice of it always ended up making me sick after a few days of practice with terrible headaches and nausea. Once, I even got a rash at the base of my spine. I sort of question whether these things happened coincidentally, or as a result of the practice. What is your take on this?

Hmm, boy I honestly wish I could say, but I definitely do not consider myself an authority.  However, with that said, I know fully well the power that the mind can have over the body.   A doctor friend of mine once told me that during medical school, the whole class came down with some kind of skin condition after spending one to two weeks dealing with and studying only that particular skin condition.   

Take away what you want from what I just said, but as far as the experience I had, let me just say this:

I achieved this experience right on the tail of a horrendously shitty few months right before that moment.  After reaching the absolute apex of that shittiness, I had some deep personal revelations about myself not really existing, how society is completely intertwined, and also the metaphysical nature of money.  The day after these revelations, the experience began and peaked that night.  I was completely alone and once the rollercoaster started, it was a hell of a ride.  

And I would close by mentioning that anyone out there who enjoys recreational substance use would be making a good choice to switch over to yoga with a focus on their first Kundalini awakening.  

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2 hours ago, Emerald @ The Diamond Net said:

Was it like a feeling or sensation of emptiness that you were focusing your awareness on? Or was it more like a thought (or absence of thought)?

Yes it was a feeling of emptiness that i was focusing on

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With all this talk of kundalini and sensations of emptiness, I just want to clear the air for a sec.

Experiences are fleeting. The Truth is eternal. Upon having an awakening or discovering the Truth, you may experience joy or bliss or kundalini or whatever, but that's just a side effect.

Enlightenment is not an experience. It's not a sense perception. It's not anything you perceive in the world of phenomena. 

A lot of people like to confuse sensations of emptiness with enlightenment, when what they have likely found is the "I Am" or "the witness" or "beingness" as Nisargadatta puts it. The I Am is a very alive, sentient emptiness that is the backdrop of all sense perceptions; it's not just limited to your body. It's incredibly liberating when you first find the I Am, because that's your first realization that you are not the ego. The I Am is where the sense of Oneness comes from, because you see that the emptiness of the I Am is not separate at all from sense perceptions. After discovering I Am, you will spontaneously begin to abide in it. 

However, the I Am is a gateway into Truth and not Truth itself. Why is it not Truth? Well, where does the I Am go during sleep? Where was it before you were born? Who is witnessing the I Am? Do enough contemplation, and you see that the I Am is just another part of the dream world of perceptions due to its ephemeral nature. 

Just wanted to clear that up for anyone who's confused about the term "enlightenment experience."

Edited by jjer94

“Feeling is the antithesis of pain."

—Arthur Janov

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5 hours ago, daing said:

Hmm, boy I honestly wish I could say, but I definitely do not consider myself an authority.  However, with that said, I know fully well the power that the mind can have over the body.   A doctor friend of mine once told me that during medical school, the whole class came down with some kind of skin condition after spending one to two weeks dealing with and studying only that particular skin condition.   

Take away what you want from what I just said, but as far as the experience I had, let me just say this:

I achieved this experience right on the tail of a horrendously shitty few months right before that moment.  After reaching the absolute apex of that shittiness, I had some deep personal revelations about myself not really existing, how society is completely intertwined, and also the metaphysical nature of money.  The day after these revelations, the experience began and peaked that night.  I was completely alone and once the rollercoaster started, it was a hell of a ride.  

And I would close by mentioning that anyone out there who enjoys recreational substance use would be making a good choice to switch over to yoga with a focus on their first Kundalini awakening.  

Maybe the trauma of your experiences at that time helped you identify less with your sense of self for that time. Sometimes extreme situations will force you into equanimity, because there is no other way to handle them. But that's just a thought. On the last point, I totally agree. Any spiritual progress made under the influence of psychedelics/entheogens will likely be impermanent. Also, it could be dangerous too.


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5 hours ago, goodguy said:

Yes it was a feeling of emptiness that i was focusing on

Thank you. I'll keep that in mind for my practice. :) 


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4 hours ago, jjer94 said:

With all this talk of kundalini and sensations of emptiness, I just want to clear the air for a sec.

Experiences are fleeting. The Truth is eternal. Upon having an awakening or discovering the Truth, you may experience joy or bliss or kundalini or whatever, but that's just a side effect.

Enlightenment is not an experience. It's not a sense perception. It's not anything you perceive in the world of phenomena. 

A lot of people like to confuse sensations of emptiness with enlightenment, when what they have likely found is the "I Am" or "the witness" or "beingness" as Nisargadatta puts it. The I Am is a very alive, sentient emptiness that is the backdrop of all sense perceptions; it's not just limited to your body. It's incredibly liberating when you first find the I Am, because that's your first realization that you are not the ego. The I Am is where the sense of Oneness comes from, because you see that the emptiness of the I Am is not separate at all from sense perceptions. After discovering I Am, you will spontaneously begin to abide in it. 

However, the I Am is a gateway into Truth and not Truth itself. Why is it not Truth? Well, where does the I Am go during sleep? Where was it before you were born? Who is witnessing the I Am? Do enough contemplation, and you see that the I Am is just another part of the dream world of perceptions due to its ephemeral nature. 

Just wanted to clear that up for anyone who's confused about the term "enlightenment experience."

Thank you for the information. I'm not sure that I fully understand it yet, but I will contemplate on it. Would you say that enlightenment is living an experience of real being? Or would this fall into the category of experiences that relate to enlightenment, but (as experiences) are not enlightenment? 


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I've had a few experiences, but i'm not sure if it's enlightenment.

In several occasions, which I could quite easily replicate, I just become the observer. I see my own thoughts and I see myself moving and doing things on autopilot. It's almost like i'm inside my own head and my body is a giant self operating robot.

In a few occasions, when I meditate, I get into a very deep state. In that state I'm completely free of thoughts and I feel like everything in the real world is really far away. I am truly at peace at that moment. I think i've experienced this like 5 times in my life. I also experienced this when I was a kid, but I never understood what it was and it scared me so I got out of it very quickly. Now I really embrace it.

Another experience I had as a kid was when I thought heavily about "why do I and the universe exist? Why is there anything?" then I would really experience some not of this world experience. Again, I didn't understand it, it scared me, and I got out of it quickly. Recently I tried to bring this experience back again, but I couldn't do it. I think maturity has separated me from this too much.


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43 minutes ago, Emerald @ The Diamond Net said:

Thank you for the information. I'm not sure that I fully understand it yet, but I will contemplate on it. Would you say that enlightenment is living an experience of real being? Or would this fall into the category of experiences that relate to enlightenment, but (as experiences) are not enlightenment? 

I'm not sure what you mean by "real being". If you're asking whether there's a difference between what I'm experiencing right now and what you're experiencing right now, I would say, of course not. I'm no transcendent superhuman. The only difference is that you may still see some illusions as real, and I don't. What is the reality of an illusion? There is none. How do you destroy Santa Clause?

Imagine that somehow, we were both in a dream. This dream looks exactly the same as what we call waking reality, with all the same 'laws' of physics and such. Now imagine that you believe it's waking reality, and I know it's just a dream. We have a conversation, and I ask you what the table is made of. You say, space and atoms arranged as molecules of cellulose. I say, no, it's just consciousness, all of this is consciousness; you're in a dream. You would think I was crazy, even if what I was saying was pointing to the truth of the matter. 

You believe that the 'space and atoms' in the analogy are actually real, when they have no reality at all outside of your believing in their reality. What's left when you stop believing in anything?

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." 
Philip K. Dick


“Feeling is the antithesis of pain."

—Arthur Janov

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22 minutes ago, krazzer said:

I've had a few experiences, but i'm not sure if it's enlightenment.

In several occasions, which I could quite easily replicate, I just become the observer. I see my own thoughts and I see myself moving and doing things on autopilot. It's almost like i'm inside my own head and my body is a giant self operating robot.

In a few occasions, when I meditate, I get into a very deep state. In that state I'm completely free of thoughts and I feel like everything in the real world is really far away. I am truly at peace at that moment. I think i've experienced this like 5 times in my life. I also experienced this when I was a kid, but I never understood what it was and it scared me so I got out of it very quickly. Now I really embrace it.

Another experience I had as a kid was when I thought heavily about "why do I and the universe exist? Why is there anything?" then I would really experience some not of this world experience. Again, I didn't understand it, it scared me, and I got out of it quickly. Recently I tried to bring this experience back again, but I couldn't do it. I think maturity has separated me from this too much.

I think these may be akin to the feeling of dis-identification with the self. Sometimes I have felt like the observer, at times when I look in the mirror and it occurs to me "Is that really MY face?" or if I think about my name and I think "Wow. My name is Emerald. That's very strange." It's always been a fleeting feeling of depersonalization. But when I had my experiences, it was a deep acceptance of and connection to everything that was.


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2 minutes ago, jjer94 said:

I'm not sure what you mean by "real being". If you're asking whether there's a difference between what I'm experiencing right now and what you're experiencing right now, I would say, of course not. I'm no transcendent superhuman. The only difference is that you may still see some illusions as real, and I don't. What is the reality of an illusion? There is none. How do you destroy Santa Clause?

Imagine that somehow, we were both in a dream. This dream looks exactly the same as what we call waking reality, with all the same 'laws' of physics and such. Now imagine that you believe it's waking reality, and I know it's just a dream. We have a conversation, and I ask you what the table is made of. You say, space and atoms arranged as molecules of cellulose. I say, no, it's just consciousness, all of this is consciousness; you're in a dream. You would think I was crazy, even if what I was saying was pointing to the truth of the matter. 

You believe that the 'space and atoms' in the analogy are actually real, when they have no reality at all outside of your believing in their reality. What's left when you stop believing in anything?

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." 
Philip K. Dick

What I mean by real 'being' is the truth of what's really going on in subjective experience beyond our concepts of it. I don't mean that something fantastical or other-worldly would be going on in the experiences of an enlightened person, but rather that an enlightened person sees everything as it is. But my question was more about differentiating spiritual experiences as experiences (oneness, Kundalini, etc.) from the state of being referred to as enlightenment. What I had were two experiences, that gave me a taste of ego-transcendence. But I'm curious if enlightenment is very different than those experiences.


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I had an expereince that lasted about 2 weeks or so. I had been studying and applying the Lefkoe Method, a form of self-inquiry specifically focused on distinguishing between thoughts, feelings, meanings (interpretations) and reality. Most of the practice excercises I had been doing were self-reflection on memories.

One day I was having a conversation with my girl friends mom. She said something that deeply disturbed me, and I felt an extreme annoyance, a sense that she was totally off base, and I didn't want to listen to what she was saying. But, I applied the technique in that moment. I was able to track what she was saying, my thoughts about it, my judgment and strong emotional response, as well as noting that this was simply a small verbal exchange happening. What happened next was something I could not have planned for, and totally unexpected. 

I noted how I had the emotional reaction, not to what she said, but to my own thoughts and reflection of that on my own values, triggering a strong emotional reaction. In a flash of insight, I realized that all emotions I have ever felt in my entire life were self created meanings. I realized that most of my life was a complete self deception. I expereinced the truth of what is commonly known as 'projection.' I can only say that my mind unravelled at that point. I had visions of my entire life, a vast re-structuring of my entire personal life history.

I was able to percieve the functioning of my own mind, it's creation of thought, the projection of meaning onto events, and the resulting emotional responses. My first coherent thought was 'Oh Shit... I can't trust my own mind.." Then my mind shut off.

I was in a state of my senses being fully merged into the environment with no self talk existing for about two weeks. A small amount of thought would spontaneously occur when I would talk to other people, like.. it was necessary to engage in that to communicate with other people.

I had some un-explainable events happen in that time also made me question my sanity and the basis of human expereince.  I happened to glance at a tv new broadcast about some genocide that was occuring somewhere in the world. I felt a sense of perfect rightness as if this was all occuring as it was supposed to. I saw that violence as a garden of flowering beauty. I can only surmise that the rational human mind was not functioning. I was operating from a space that was so peaceful, that nothing could interefere.

I also had some expereinces like walking over to a desk drawer at random, opening it up, taking out something, and then walking over and handing it to my partner, my mind and body seemed to be operating in an autonomic state rather than a volitional state. This was an item my girlfriend was looking for that I didn not know she wanted. A clear action I can only explain as some kind of precognition or deep subconscious memory plus intuition operating way beyond my normal capacity.

I had a few further expereinces during that time, where I would think of something, and what seemed like my entire life history of that kind of event, all realted expereinces I had emotions about would unravel or unfold within in my consicousness, and then it would fall silent. For a few months after that I could not justify that I existed as a person. Since I could clearly see all the events and each and every thought and emotion, was all an interconnected web of self - reinforcing thoughts, interpretations, and feelings that were self - generated and then projected out 'as if' they had something to do with reality. But I knew that it was all my own mind, because I could observe it happening directly.

I'm still integrating this over a year later. I feel I have a self again, although I know it's only an self deception. I have a much lighter view of reality, and I have an intense compassion for other people, imagining or knowing what they are doing to themselves without any clue as to whats really happening. I feel lucky in some ways. But I also know that without my constant effort at applying other self development techniques for years, like the 'Mirror Technique' of noting when I felt some strong emotion related to someone else, and then contemplating how that was an emotion I was feeling within myself. Without having practiced meditation, and having a somewhat clear mind state to be able to track and reflect upon all that was happening at that time, I most likely would have missed out on the expereince of transforming a negative and unpleasant conversation in the to most important event of my life.

Edited by NariusV

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22 hours ago, Emerald @ The Diamond Net said:

I wanted to know if anyone here has had a real-life experience of oneness, enlightenment, or the truth of no self. I had two such experiences myself (albeit artificially induced) and I'd love to hear about your experiences. 

Yes, on my early journey I had one only, I felt a vibration in my forehead and started realising that nature and me were in perfect unity, pretty funny but even the table was in perfect unity with my being, like being one with the universe, I realised that all my thoughts were imagination and all the negativity and traumas were slowly flowing out of my system and I was very aware, reality took a whole new perspective, it was like seeing a different reality just more real.. Pretty intense stuff, I didn't even knew the existence of enlightenment or of the no self, infact I understood that everything I had until that moment were thoughts but I didn't knew they came from nothing, didn't question myself enough for that half an hour that the effect lasted, I don't know what triggered it exactly but it has been the coolest thing ever, now I felt back asleep but even having a small taste of enlightenment was delicios ? 

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30 minutes ago, Emerald @ The Diamond Net said:

What I mean by real 'being' is the truth of what's really going on in subjective experience beyond our concepts of it. I don't mean that something fantastical or other-worldly would be going on in the experiences of an enlightened person, but rather that an enlightened person sees everything as it is. But my question was more about differentiating spiritual experiences as experiences (oneness, Kundalini, etc.) from the state of being referred to as enlightenment. What I had were two experiences, that gave me a taste of ego-transcendence. But I'm curious if enlightenment is very different than those experiences.

Ah, my bad. Yes, the only difference between you and me is that I see through illusion, or I see "Everything as it is" . "What is" can't be explained or even known, only pointed to. 

It's not like I don't have a sense of self, or I had an ego death or any of that. A sense of self is still there, but I see it more as a perfume rather than an actual thing. That perfume can stink sometimes ;)

The 'state' of enlightenment, if you can even call it that, is always there. It's incredibly subtle because you wouldn't even guess to look there. I have a kundalini experience? It's still there in the backdrop. I get shitfaced? It's still there. I get high on DMT? It's still there. But, paradoxically, as Gertrude Stein once said, "Once you get there, there's no there there."

The Truth is not something you abide in. You can't know it; you're too busy being it! I don't abide in Truth, but I'm learning to abide in the "I Am", which is that sentient emptiness that permeates all sense perceptions.

Sorry, it's so hard to explain, but I reckon that gave you a basic idea of the 'state' of enlightenment?

Edited by jjer94

“Feeling is the antithesis of pain."

—Arthur Janov

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27 minutes ago, NariusV said:

I had an expereince that lasted about 2 weeks or so. I had been studying and applying the Lefkoe Method, a form of self-inquiry specifically focused on distinguishing between thoughts, feelings, meanings (interpretations) and reality. Most of the practice excercises I had been doing were self-reflection on memories.

One day I was having a conversation with my girl friends mom. She said something that deeply disturbed me, and I felt an extreme annoyance, a sense that she was totally off base, and I didn't want to listen to what she was saying. But, I applied the technique in that moment. I was able to track what she was saying, my thoughts about it, my judgment and strong emotional response, as well as noting that this was simply a small verbal exchange happening. What happened next was something I could not have planned for, and totally unexpected. 

I noted how I had the emotional reaction, not to what she said, but to my own thoughts and reflection of that on my own values, triggering a strong emotional reaction. In a flash of insight, I realized that all emotions I have ever felt in my entire life were self created meanings. I realized that most of my life was a complete self deception. I expereinced the truth of what is commonly known as 'projection.' I can only say that my mind unravelled at that point. I had visions of my entire life, a vast re-structuring of my entire personal life history.

I was able to percieve the functioning of my own mind, it's creation of thought, the projection of meaning onto events, and the resulting emotional responses. My first coherent thought was 'Oh Shit... I can't trust my own mind.." Then my mind shut off.

I was in a state of my senses being fully merged into the environment with no self talk existing for about two weeks. A small amount of thought would spontaneously occur when I would talk to other people, like.. it was necessary to engage in that to communicate with other people.

I had some un-explainable events happen in that time also made me question my sanity and the basis of human expereince.  I happened to glance at a tv new broadcast about some genocide that was occuring somewhere in the world. I felt a sense of perfect rightness as if this was all occuring as it was supposed to. I saw that violence as a garden of flowering beauty. I can only surmise that the rational human mind was not functioning. I was operating from a space that was so peaceful, that nothing could interefere.

I also had some expereinces like walking over to a desk drawer at random, opening it up, taking out something, and then walking over and handing it to my partner, my mind and body seemed to be operating in an autonomic state rather than a volitional state. This was an item my girlfriend was looking for that I didn not know she wanted. A clear action I can only explain as some kind of precognition or deep subconscious memory plus intuition operating way beyond my normal capacity.

I had a few further expereinces during that time, where I would think of something, and what seemed like my entire life history of that kind of event, all realted expereinces I had emotions about would unravel or unfold within in my consicousness, and then it would fall silent. For a few months after that I could not justify that I existed as a person. Since I could clearly see all the events and each and every thought and emotion, was all an interconnected web of self - reinforcing thoughts, interpretations, and feelings that were self - generated and then projected out 'as if' they had something to do with reality. But I knew that it was all my own mind, because I could observe it happening directly.

I'm still integrating this over a year later. I feel I have a self again, although I know it's only an self deception. I have a much lighter view of reality, and I have an intense compassion for other people, imagining or knowing what they are doing to themselves without any clue as to whats really happening. I feel lucky in some ways. But I also know that without my constant effort at applying other self development techniques for years, like the 'Mirror Technique' of noting when I felt some strong emotion related to someone else, and then contemplating how that was an emotion I was feeling within myself. Without having practiced meditation, and having a somewhat clear mind state to be able to track and reflect upon all that was happening at that time, I most likely would have missed out on the expereince of transforming a negative and unpleasant conversation in the to most important event of my life.

Wow. I can really relate to the violence as beautiful phenomena experience. Now, as it stands (as I'm not living in an enlightened state), I have an extreme aversion to violence and I feel like it's terrible. And certainly suffering is objectively pointless. But when I had my second transcendent experience I was able to observe in myself that I had a creative impulse and a destructive impulse that were clashing with one another constantly. I honed in on the thoughts created by the destructive nature and visual images of me pushing my thumbs into a friend of mine's eye sockets came into my mind accompanied by deep feelings of rage. If this thought would occur to me now, I'd be repulsed by it and reject it. But I just watched the experience of the thoughts and emotions and saw the beauty in the chaotic nature of my mind. Watching this clash of opposites within me was like watching a natural wonder unfold. Also, there was this deep sense that no matter how violent or bad the state of the world was in, that it was still 100% perfect the way that it is and that everything is always in divine order. Best of luck with integrating this experience.


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31 minutes ago, AlexB said:

Yes, on my early journey I had one only, I felt a vibration in my forehead and started realising that nature and me were in perfect unity, pretty funny but even the table was in perfect unity with my being, like being one with the universe, I realised that all my thoughts were imagination and all the negativity and traumas were slowly flowing out of my system and I was very aware, reality took a whole new perspective, it was like seeing a different reality just more real.. Pretty intense stuff, I didn't even knew the existence of enlightenment or of the no self, infact I understood that everything I had until that moment were thoughts but I didn't knew they came from nothing, didn't question myself enough for that half an hour that the effect lasted, I don't know what triggered it exactly but it has been the coolest thing ever, now I felt back asleep but even having a small taste of enlightenment was delicios ? 

I didn't know about enlightenment when I had my experiences either. I wish I had... I would have Googled it and saved myself a lot of guesswork. I spent a long time afterward using really abstract ways to attempt replicating the experiences and feel that deep connection to no avail. Only when I found Leo's videos about enlightenment did I realize that what I had experienced had been an enlightenment experience. So, since then, I think I've made a lot of progress toward this state of being.


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@Emerald @ The Diamond NetThanks. I've had some similar challanges with violent thoughts on a rare occasion, but along with everything else, I now just note them and let go. I used to feel extremely emotional about my own thoughts, and hold myself in harsh self judgement about them. Now I realize that the majority of my thoughts are in response or relation to my memories and expereinces I've had, or environments I've been in. They have little to do with me, paradoxically. I don't find myself defined by my thoughts as I used to , but more as a sense of continual presence.  I've come to accept that the current nature of my mind is to think, although as I have done more and more self work, it continues to get clearer and quieter.

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34 minutes ago, jjer94 said:

Ah, my bad. Yes, the only difference between you and me is that I see through illusion, or I see "Everything as it is" . "What is" can't be explained or even known, only pointed to. 

It's not like I don't have a sense of self, or I had an ego death or any of that. A sense of self is still there, but I see it more as a perfume rather than an actual thing. That perfume can stink sometimes ;)

The 'state' of enlightenment, if you can even call it that, is always there. It's incredibly subtle because you wouldn't even guess to look there. I have a kundalini experience? It's still there in the backdrop. I get shitfaced? It's still there. I get high on DMT? It's still there. But, paradoxically, as Gertrude Stein once said, "Once you get there, there's no there there."

The Truth is not something you abide in. You can't know it; you're too busy being it! I don't abide in Truth, but I'm learning to abide in the "I Am", which is that sentient emptiness that permeates all sense perceptions.

Sorry, it's so hard to explain, but I reckon that gave you a basic idea of the 'state' of enlightenment?

That makes sense. So, the experiences are things that are happening at a given time. So, Kundalini Awakening is something that happens to a person. Where enlightenment is realizing and becoming present to what already is .


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6 minutes ago, NariusV said:

@Emerald @ The Diamond NetThanks. I've had some similar challanges with violent thoughts on a rare occasion, but along with everything else, I now just note them and let go. I used to feel extremely emotional about my own thoughts, and hold myself in harsh self judgement about them. Now I realize that the majority of my thoughts are in response or relation to my memories and expereinces I've had, or environments I've been in. They have little to do with me, paradoxically. I don't find myself defined by my thoughts as I used to , but more as a sense of continual presence.  I've come to accept that the current nature of my mind is to think, although as I have done more and more self work, it continues to get clearer and quieter.

I still have some judgments about my thoughts from time to time because I forget not to associate them with my self-concept. But detachment from thought has probably been one of my biggest leaps and bounds forward while exploring this path. :) 


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I wish I could say I've had a true enlightenment experience, but I can't.  I have experienced some pretty profound states of mind, albeit on drugs.  The last one I had was pretty recent.  I experienced it after going lying down balls deep in pot cookie realm.  I was really tired, I started to slip into a state between sleep and being awake   Eventually, I was in sleep paralysis, my body unable to move at all.  I've grown very comfortable with sleep paralysis as I get it often.  For some reason I started thinking about religion and wanted to pray to god.  Which is weird because I'm very much an atheist.  I was religious when I was young until about 11 or 12 when I discarded my religion.  I remember when I realized that Christianity was BS it was incredibly depressing to me as a child.  It sucked the magic out of the world.  Well, I started praying to God, just like I would the christian God when I was younger.  At this point I could still see my room, my eyes were slightly cracked open.  Then the weirdest thing happened.  I started to become more aware and I had a realization that I was looking for God the wrong way.  It's as if I had previously been stuck focusing on a concept.  It's hard to explain further than that.  As soon as I had that realization I became very self-aware and my body disappeared and I had the sensation of space.  My room fractaled into a kaleidoscopic pattern and I was starting to lose my sense of self.  I stayed calm as the experience got more and more intense as my awareness grew.   It got to a point where I became scared of permanently losing myself and I quickly woke up out of that state.  Experience over lol. 

Edited by Heart of Space

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