Self-actualize or save money? Renting an apartment to do self work

[General 2]

i live with my sister in a single bed apartment, and i have a very little space to live up to my own agenda, as you can probably imagine, since we are very different in lifestyles and this is her place after all.

i've been longing to live alone for a very long time, and today i went hunting for apartments. i want freely meditate (without questioning on whenever i joined some religious organization), to read in a comfortable position (not at the kitchen table while she's busy with her stuff), rest well to have more energy on the things that my life can benefit from, just be happy introverting on my own etc etc

however here, rent is damn expensive...up to half of my salary (utilities included + having to buy stuff like ironing table and electric kettle lol)...and you only get some crampy or old-fashioned place for this much.

and i had this thought today, i could spend this money on more books, more healthy food, more self care which as well contribute to my self-actualizing intention...i push myself into thinking that i somehow can balance self-actualization whilst living in my current place (which makes me sad knowing that it is not that easy) + having to spend so much money invokes a deep sense of embarrassment and regret within me.

many self help gurus advocate for saving money - Brian Tracy, Seth Godin in his Linchpin - but i feel like i'm missing out on something big by the decision not to spend money on my own place...and i have yet no plans of exchanging my job for a more paid one.

i honestly don't know what to do...what would you do facing the same dilemma?

[ivory]

There are pros and cons to having a roommate. Some of which you already discovered. You can always work towards living alone, but in the mean time, appreciate what having a roommate affords you. I too have a roommate but I know it won't last forever. Life changes over time. Take your time and appreciate the journey. Also recognize that you grow through relationships. Having people around is good for both mental health as well as growing as a human being. Don't overlook those things.

[Sahil Pandit]

@General 2 Make a plan to move out, and take into consideration all the small details that go into play to make it a reality.

Once you have a few concrete options, let's review the pros and cons.

[creede]

The action of looking for an apartment took place... I would prepare for a move. In the meantime, write down what you see as a good situation for a future living situation and let it come to you.

Examples might be: a one bedroom apartment for $_____ a month. Or a room in a large house with others on the same path for $______ a month. Spacious, light and airy. With a view of a tree that is frequented by birds if you like that sort of thing (I do). A quiet street, off street parking, or close to public transportation if you use that. Close to grocery store, libraries, a park... whatever you desire.

Let everyone know that you are looking for a place, this includes people at random, in grocery stores, in classes, at work... wherever you go. You won't know where the place will come from, and who will answer your call, but that's the fun in receiving.

[General 2]

thank you all for your replies

@ivory  she's an older sister so she keeps patronizing me, of course if this would be a more distant person that would be better, i always have this feeling of being observed and judged...

@creede that area i was looking in, a typical concrete jungle on the city outskirts...but your comment made me happier! yesterday it was hard to imagine a magical outcome though. even that little room seemed luxurious for what i can afford without sense of guilt

@Sahil Pandit  the only major con is having to spend money. and maybe i'm too optimistic about my spiritual journey which i'd like to pursue this way...maybe i will end up in an emotional turmoil facing myself all alone, and having someone around would be good for not reaching a psychological meltdown...and paying for this a lot of money lol

[ajasatya]

@General 2 do whatever it takes to get you to a situation in which you won't blame anybody else.

[Sahil Pandit]

@ajasatya

@General 2 aka take 100% responsibility.

[ivory]

1 hour ago, General 2 said:

@ivory  she's an older sister so she keeps patronizing me, of course if this would be a more distant person that would be better, i always have this feeling of being observed and judged...

You say you want to self-actualize but running away from challenges is never the solution. I'm not criticizing you, but you always want to take the more difficult path on this journey.

[creede]

@General 2  I hope you'll write down what you want in a place to live. It's easy to dismiss this simple task because you feel like you know it can't happen. If you don't write down your request you'll never know.

[General 2]

@ivory  yes you do have a point, having to rent an apartment also can be seen as a challenge though...and choosing to stay with her as giving up the challenge of living on my own terms?

@creede i periodically exercise writing the things i want...but to me this topic is way too mundane, there's nothing magical about looking for an apartment, just requires some activity, so i better preserve energy for something bigger...

@ajasatya i don't blame her...she's very kind to let me live with her to begin with...but having a personal space is so important to me. what would you choose in this situation?...

[Sucuk Ekmek]

  Consider all you have as an luxury, try to face your ego even for a glimpse of it. Yes, you are right with everything you said, therefore she is right too, see? 

[ajasatya]

37 minutes ago, General 2 said:

what would you choose in this situation?

i would choose my own place. that's what i did in 2015. it worked like a charm.

[General 2]

@Sucuk Ekmek  sure she is, my point is not in badmouthing her...rather convincing myself to drop regrets about money to be spent

@ajasatya thanks for the advice, i feel more hopeful now

[ivory]

2 hours ago, General 2 said:

@ivory  yes you do have a point, having to rent an apartment also can be seen as a challenge though...and choosing to stay with her as giving up the challenge of living on my own terms?

I hear you. What ever you do, just know that whatever challenge you avoid will ultimately catch up with you. That said, having your own place is great.