Relaxation help requested

[randomguy123]

Hey everyone,

So I have been struggling with this problem since the end of high school and all throughout college. Its that I have a hard time relaxing and always walk around with a knot in my stomach. I know it sounds like the most generic of problems, but it can really get quite bad. I feel like I'm walking on thin ice the whole time and cant trust my body for anything. Its definitely a mental thing. I am aware that ultimately there is nothing I need to change or do in order to feel good, but I'm having quite a hard time communicating that through my body and teaching that everything is available. I do have a meditation routine, etc. in place but it doesn't really help with the problem. Is there anybody who went to similar trouble trusting his body, or who has a great reference that I can read? Exercises are also greatly appreciated. (I have watched Leo's video on bodily awareness multiple times and am currently reading Ralstons Zen body-being, but I don't feel like its straightening me out).

Thanks for helping guys,

 

Lukas

[Zigzag Idiot]

In my own inquiry I discovered further depths of understanding the practicality in being able to put sensation into the body in order to get out of my head. For years, I just didn't get this thing of focusing attention on sensation in the body to quiet the mind. It sounded like 'Don't shit on a mad rattlesnake' kind of advice.

Specifically, sensing the feet which is furthest removed from the head brain. There are a lot of nerve endings in the feet.

Attention on physical sensation = less attention captured by the brain devoted to monkey mind.

Hope this is some help,,,,

 

 

[randomguy123]

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate the help.

@Zigzag Idiot

I looked in to the videos as well as your advice. Personally Ive been trying to get in to my body as much as possible with the meditation habit I have (been doing 40 minutes for about a year), but its not really solving anything there. I think thats because its not related to the cause of the problem, which I found out to be my mind trying to control my feelings and emotional states. Getting in to my body at that point also becomes a pain in the ass, because it somehow engages in a fight to rectify the situation (which is much like throwing rocks in to a pond to still the water). It feels like even the purest form of observation/awareness is barely straightening me out and are also not maintainable throughout a regular working day. The solution then would be to find some great practice of letting go and relaxing the mind, which I am still looking for.

@Maximus

Thanks for the suggestion, I really should get my daily schedule in order. Although I find myself thinking in terms of wanting to solve this problem before I could ever adopt good habits, which is obviously bullshit, because there is nothing wrong or preventing me from doing that. I just need to communicate that to my (subconscious) mind.

 

(I know my responses are a bit random, I guess I was just writing this out for myself)

[Sahil Pandit]

@randomguy123 Have you tried shamanic breathing? 

[randomguy123]

@Sahil Pandit No ive glanced over Leos vid about it quite a few times, I should probably check it out

[Sahil Pandit]

@randomguy123 Yeah man check it out. I had a similar issue. A good tip when doing it, when you relax your body, try to make the ground or bed that you're laying on as heavy as possible. Visualize yourself weighing 1000 lbs and sinking into the ground. 

This helps me relax my whole body entirely. 

[Nahm]

@randomguy123

Can you remember before this chronic anxiety (stomach)?

Did you grow up in a household with someone wound too tight, stressed, or angry?

What are you doing in terms of activities of creative expression?

 

If you could snap your fingers and a change would be done, what would you start? 

What would you stop?

(Actions, things you’re doing or not doing)

How do you see the trajectory your life is headed in, relative to how you want it to be headed, on a scale of 1 - 10, and please explain your answer.

[randomguy123]

@Nahm

Household was fine, really no problems there. I just got imprinted big time with the need to perform well and be successful at school and those sort of things, which I took to the level of trying to control my performance by controlling my body. I would come up with rational belief systems of how a body should work, figuring that I needed to have some model of my functioning through which I would be able to control myself effectively ( a bullshit way of science applied on myself). That obviously ended up being pretty neurotic and dysfunctional. In scenarios where i felt like I had to perform for some reason or another, I would get brainfog, my stomach would clinch together. I have played a lot of basketball in my life, most of it feeling pretty bad, wanting to throw up, stuff like that. I kind of ended up in the gutter that way emotionally. Besides this stuff, im largely doing fine. As I said before, I always had high expectations for myself, so discovering actualized.org made me able to channel my energy in to something useful, rather than just neurotically clinging to all of these expectations. Im going a solid 7, if you wanted me to rate things.

Because I grew up that neurotically involved with school and wanting to be good at whatever I did. I never stopped and asked if I actually liked what I was doing. As a kid I never had any desire for creativity, I was the kid that would buy legos and make only the things listed in the little guide books, and never even think about creating my own thing with them. But its not that I feel like im missing out, Ive looked long and hard at it whilst doing Leos life purpose course, but I just cant find a genuine interest in creativity.

If I were to change some things, it probably be my social situation. Im definitely doing ok, some people might even call me extroverted and very outgoing, but I have feeling that I need to go harder there. There is still quite some authenticity to be discovered i feel and some people pleasing stuff to clean up.

The thing I would change would obviously be this condition, its really something thats holding me back e.g. I get out of bed pretty late, because I dont want to deal with this problem today. Im not very tight with my scheduling, because my feelings get all over the place and I feel like I cant control them. The problem itself though and im pretty confident about this, is that Ive somehow imprinted myself with a belief that there is something that I need to change in order to feel good, which is obviously not the case. I just need to let go. The problem is communicating that to my body. Sometimes I can straighten myself out in a matter of seconds, when that thought hits me, much like you acquiring insight in to a problem. On other occasions I just get lost for a day, trying to change something that doesnt need changing.

 

Im sorry for these lengthy responses, I just kind of do this to go over things for myself as well I guess.

 

 

[Nahm]

@randomguy123

It seems like maybe you semi or subconsciously made a “separate entity” of your body, that it was a master to be appeased in a way. That is a tough one imo, because I believe that when it comes to the body, being disciplined with eating, meditation, yoga, etc,  and activity in general (fitness) is the key to knowing the love that is the true self / knowing the happiness that is the true self. 

18 hours ago, randomguy123 said:

Ive somehow imprinted myself with a belief that there is something that I need to change in order to feel good, which is obviously not the case. I just need to let go.

It does sound like you have a pretty broad view, and a good understanding through self analysis. All I can offer is that what you said there (above) strikes me as the key. I’d look for ways to expand on that emotionally. It seems to be one of the most common causes of suffering. Thinking is so quick and sneaky. It is all to easy to believe thoughts that we need x, y & z, but letting go, we return to what is, and the now, (happiness). Letting go is of the highest & most worthwhile self mastery. It’s so counter logical though!

I think the knot in the stomach is a message, and you need to listen to it. Once it’s “heard”, it will disappear. Sounds like you are, so maybe I’m being redundant...but incase it’s helpful... 

The way of not listening to the message, is being “too busy”, and or avoidance of emotions. 

The way of receiving the message, is (might be counter intuitive sounding) putting yourself first, as in, beginning the new mindset of priority one being how you feel...and then everything you do (thoughts, words, actions) being priority two. This is the way of a happy and fulfilled life imo. It is all to easy to put everything and anything before how we feel though, because thought says that is the way to feeling great. Thought is a tricky thing.

The challenge in doing this, is being raised in an era where most people are unknowingly living in almost complete avoidance of their emotions, always trying to “feel good”, by “getting things, or getting things done”. This is why I mentioned creative outlets. They can open up the self, the emotions, the whole of emotion, not just the surface level messages of feeling good. A simple creative activity, wether there is developed talent, or none at all, reconnects us to the fact that our individual experience of life, is the only point. Many people in the world would have you think otherwise, but, assess their happiness, look to see if it’s working fo them.

Thought itself is tricky enough. Then there is the intuitive inclination to keep ourselves feeling good. But welcoming all feelings that arise, knowing the very message we’re asking for often comes by means of an ailment which serves to get our attention. I find it beneficial to look at it like the deepest center of us all, is the truth, and only the truth It can not go along for a ride when we are tricking ourselves into falsity. So when the body is trying to get your attention, you must stop, and give it your attention. Soon after, the clarity just comes through, and the ailment is resolved.  

The universe is always giving us what we want. It’s our resistance, usually via keeping ourselves distracted, which perpetuates the suffering. 

This is “the consciousness work” which you’re doing, it is good. Some days it feels good, some days it totally sucks ass. But, the important thing, very worth acknowledging, is, this is you, talking about it, “doing the work”. 

[randomguy123]

@Nahm Thanks for the lengthy response, i appreciate it.

A couple of hours ago, I got insight in to what was going on through contemplation. I mainly looked at this whole thing from the outside and noticed the awkward story line between my problem and wanting to be better all the time, the need to be good at whatever I do. I basically never touched that belief, because I thought it was a higher value and that it couldn't possible be the neurotic desire that it really was. So I just let that go and that solved basically everything. Really shows the power of contemplation and thinking things true, I got mindfucked hard. The problem just vaporized, like it was never even there.

It also connected so much stuff in my life, you couldve called this problem the story of my life that I bought in to. All I wanted to achieve with that kind of thinking and identity creation, I got for free by just letting it go of it. All of the stuff I was doing from my horrible discipline, to my nonchalance, to my over the top personality, to problems with the way I looked, it just really set me free. It even solved the weird fever feelings and tiredy Ive been dealing with, which I would never notice amongst this crazy storm. I feel like I got also no problem letting go right now, and all of the relaxation exercises that didnt work for one bit, now go effortlessly.

 

Thanks for the help all, I appreciate it.

[randomguy123]

Edit:  Sadly enough this experience kinda faded as do all insights, i was hoping that these contemplative insights would last a little bit longer than other insights, but that's unfortunately not true. In hindsight it feels like this problem is connected to so much more of my life than I initially thought. It just felt like the narrow setup/purpose I was living out felt completed, but looking back at it, I still have a lot of work to do and I can use this to alter my course. Btw I bought the book Letting Go, by David Hawkins, that seems like a good start.