It seems I need to hit rock bottom in order to wake up and work on myself

[brugluiz]

On 24/12/2018 at 0:06 AM, Nahm said:

I can change anything in my life, it seems hard when I think of a lot of changes. I’ll pick one. 

I’d like to try some different fruits and veggies, and see which ones I like. It’d feel good to just start a healthy change. 

It’d feel good just to start exercising. If I just do 10 push ups and 10 sit ups, I bet I’d feel good that I started. Tomorrow, maybe 11.

Maybe I’ll message a couple friends, and just say hi. Maybe ask them how they are.

I’ll pick the one thing I’d like to start a change with, and make a post asking for suggestions. That would be a change in itself in the direction I want. 

I’ll pick one book today that I’d like to read. Tomorrow, I’ll read 10 pages. I bet I’ll feel really great just seeing how a little each day starts to add up.

I’ll begin to acknowledge I’ve had some negative thinking patterns. I know I can do one little change at a time. If I feel overwhelmed, I know I can relax my body and breathe for a few minutes. After a while, I know things won’t feel to overwhelming. 

I know I could use a little discipline in how I use my time. I remember why I want to make these changes. I’ll hang something, or set some reminders. I know if I am reminded often of what I want, I’ll start to naturally feel some inspiration. I think I’ll be ok. I know it would serve me well to be patient with myself, and it’s ok if I get frustrated. I can always take a break for a minute. 

I learned a lot from procrastination. I learned not to go too fast, and to think kindly of myself. I learned it’s better to read one or two pages, than to think about reading 100 books. 

 

(That kind of inner game)

Thank you, @Nahm! Awesome post by the way! Just to make it clear, you mean that, instead of taking many things to improve (like the 5 I mentioned), I should just pick one?

I'm thinking about it and maybe it's a good idea to challenge myself for 21 days to create a unique habit and then start another. Baby-steps.

On 24/12/2018 at 3:52 AM, Winter said:

Wow thank you so much for that.

The post was really awesome!

On 24/12/2018 at 8:45 AM, Dan Arnautu said:

Tears of excitement and joy about what your life could look like. Don't start to guilt yourself because it doesn't look like that yet. It defeats the whole purpose. 

Thank you, @Dan Arnautu! My tears are not of excitement and joy, but I love releasing them.

On 24/12/2018 at 10:18 AM, bejapuskas said:

For me, the key was to focus on presence and start making progress NOW.

It's being a bit difficult to focus on presence while on neuroleptics, but I'm handling it.

On 24/12/2018 at 10:55 AM, rabbitat said:

Can't deny this pulled a little on a familiar part of my being for a minute and had to say, I get you - My life is a mess too. I'm a mess too.  Yet, I totally understand the sweet power in changing negative motivation around! An Italian-Irish Catholic raised gal knows a bit about personal whipping and brow beating to say the least and consequently an enormous amount about Neurosis with a capital N. Procrastination and feeling stuck quite frankly (i'm just going to say it) sucks sweaty balls!

BUT - it was different for me in the sense negative reinforcement was what I knew best, and I did hit my personal "rock bottom" whatever that means for each of us and honestly it transformed me. Hell, Leo changed my life and I just started in October. It's been the worst and best 2 years of my life because all that negativity well it rubbed and rubbed and rubbed and somehow I needed better. I know nothing but that at least now some of the intense ball suckery (i.e. owning your shit and being mind blown by it) is better than being unaware of what I was doing and why I wasn't passionate about my life when there was nothing but life, love and fire in me. Yasssssss!!  Just get there, ya know motivated to start taking small pieces at a time. And when you do you'll have to be just as patient because you're going to fuck up there too (like A LOT). 

Having some cathartic experience or serotonin levels through the roof isn't always the way. Sometimes that leads to trying to do everything at once and that can be very self-defeating, confusing and more painful then you dreamed possible...more reason to brow beat.  I saw this after purchasing a ton of books, crazy journaling, yoga, diet changes followed by one fucking incredible backward slide into a bad relationship (ya know "comfort", whiskey, sex). Escaped that one again, but realized this is a walk not a run. 

Same lesson for me - get cozy man, take your time, develop Y O U ... however you need to... quietly, sadly, happily, positively, negatively. THEN, when you do get a little momentum make sure to practice a lot of personal forgiveness and love. No race. Just you. Anyway - I'm not on your path and wouldn't assume to understand, but I'm for you and your growth! 

"The cure for pain is in the pain" ~ Rumi

 

Thank you for your inspiring post, @rabbitat! I really appreaciate it :).

10 hours ago, Hellspeed said:

@brugluiz Maybe you need more challenges, like some conflict or desperation in your life. Sometimes in life we need to lose everything to really know what is valueble or not. 

What life showed me is that in change and desperation is one of the greatest opportunities. 

 

Give you an example of what i've been through:

Desperation on not being able to walk properly and with escruciating pain for years, because of powerlifting injuries. Was a time in the past that gelosy came to the surface, on other human beings that where able to run freely without pain. It was a time i thought i will lose one of my hearing ears. 

Long story short, in all that desperation it clicked in me that there is a way of healing, despite what the doctor said that joint or teeth wil probably not grow back. So i continued in the insanity that there is a possibility. Then it hit me... One day just came to me the nonsense that i'm the Almighty, so i faked it until i made it  I discovered breath without knowing what meditation was. In my desperation i just wanted to be like a puppy dog and breathe, it was enough for me at that time. And i started to graps what reallity is, by doing nothing and just breathe, staying awake even if i die where my thoughts once. Now after that struggle, i found how to heal my body naturally, joints of the hip, knee, hearing and myopia. In the process i adquired the skill of Healing with Energy, many phychic abbilities and recently permanet awakening. 

All that was do to continuing moving forward even in death.

 

Never give up! Even if you lose yourself, even if today is pain, go and discover the pain, it won't bite  

Thank you, @Hellspeed! That's the whole point of my thread, that if I really need a desperation point to start evolving. I think my desperation point started when I was hospitalized and forced medications. Then after the hospitalization, I gained some weight, had back injuries and lost my best friend (suicide). Maybe those situations weren't challenging enough...

[brugluiz]

9 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

@brugluiz  Maybe focusing on breath doesn't do the job for you, because you are still living in the past/future. Become conscious of your body, the present moment and all the thoughts and stop trying to control them, stop running away  You cannot start actualizing yourself tomorrow, tomorrow doesn't exist, there is only now. 

Here is how I discovered the helplessness of ego: I watched some Goggins, then I had a super motivated day, I did so much work, I went for a walk by myself, I focused on the present moment almost the whole day... It was just awesome. And then the other day, I had a massive backlash, I didn't even feel like getting up from my bed. But I said no to this and did the exact same thing as yesterday. It felt even more awesome! Realize, that all the negative thoughts, laziness, regrets... They don't even make sense, why would you ever pay attention to them? 

I understand there is only now (I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle). I'll take baby-steps anyway, despite of ego and negative thoughts. I don't think a sudden insight will just solve all my issues.

[brugluiz]

I just started with a tiny baby-step.

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, brugluiz said:

Thank you, @Nahm! Awesome post by the way! Just to make it clear, you mean that, instead of taking many things to improve (like the 5 I mentioned), I should just pick one?

I'm thinking about it and maybe it's a good idea to challenge myself for 21 days to create a unique habit and then start another. Baby-steps.

I’d suggest you are complete, and impossible to improve upon. And then.