Need some perspectives to my drug addiction.

[Uchira]

Hello. i am 22 years old male.

The very first time that i tried cannabis was 4 years ago then i moved to another country to study. i had been sober for times in japan but in my country my friends were waiting for me to smoke weed and celebrate that i am in my country. i felt that i have some fundamental problems in my life and did not fix the problem. 

For now, i did dropout from my college. Jobless. My life is just downgrading. But it did not hit the rock bottom yet. Honestly, i have just done meth today. I am feeling so much regret in my heart hiding. But i love my mom really and i am the only person that she has. i am currently living with her. She does not know anything. But man she loves me soo much that if i disappoint her, i will feel horrible. 

I did try to get my life back. but it did not work. i was very energetic and veeryy naive person.  

Look, in fact, i am not a hardcore addict but i feel like i am very close to lose myself. i am just resisting. i remember, when i was 17-18 y.o, i was super excited to give value to people around me and very ambitious and bright. but now i am very dark and sad.

 

[ajasatya]

@Uchira hi there. the following video may help

 

[kieranperez]

First things first: you’re not the first one to have this problem... AND THATS AMAZING BECAUSE YOU CAN GET OUT

Here’s my advice... WARNING - You won’t like it: Be honest about your addiction with her.

Now... before you do (if you do) let me explain why I’m giving this as my advice: I know many addicts. Fuck, the moment I walk out my door here in San Francisco I see people shooting up passed out literally everyday. Addicts have low integrity with themselves and other people. Honesty exposes you. There is nowhere to hide. It’s the beginning of you taking ownership and spilling out everything. It’s cathartic. The cathartic process is frightening, terrifying, depressing, soul wrenching, and uncertain because you don’t know what’s going to happen next. For instance: 

• Am I going to get kicked out?
• Am I going to get sent away to rehab?
• If I go to rehab am I going to be that guy that just goes in and out and gets used to leaching off the system?
• Will this ruin my future?
• What if I tell the truth and still nothing changes?

Ruthless honesty with yourself and others and making your #1 principle in life Truth is crucial. THAT is your saving grace. Not in the sense that you need to get enlightened or something. Truth is like a plunger that sucks up poison. Think of those things that are used if you get a mosquito bite and you have that suction cup device that sucks up the poison out of you. Think of that device as Truth and what your sucking up is deception, the devil, all the excuses, traumatic experiences, neurosis, etc. However, the only way to get that shit out of you is to actually use the device (Truth/REAL honesty) which most people don’t use. And here’s the real catch: You’ve got to be the doctor and the patient which is to say no one can do the real heavy lifting for you and you have to do it. Please, if you need help, GO GET IT. You’re not a bad or weak person for getting help but the real inner work is done by you and you alone. You got to have the initiative. No external source will ever be enough without your unwilling and unrelenting initiative and commitment to Truth. 

Much love man ❤️ Hold on to Truth. It’s a painful scary ride at times but hold on to it and be the passenger in the ride and let the Truth you wherever it needs to take you. Stay out of its way and you’ll make it through. Have faith. 

[Leo Gura]

@Uchira Go do an Ibogaine or 5-MeO retreat. It's one of the most effective cures for hardcore addicts. Ibogaine especially.

[Mu_]

12 hours ago, Uchira said:

Hello. i am 22 years old male.

The very first time that i tried cannabis was 4 years ago then i moved to another country to study. i had been sober for times in japan but in my country my friends were waiting for me to smoke weed and celebrate that i am in my country. i felt that i have some fundamental problems in my life and did not fix the problem. 

For now, i did dropout from my college. Jobless. My life is just downgrading. But it did not hit the rock bottom yet. Honestly, i have just done meth today. I am feeling so much regret in my heart hiding. But i love my mom really and i am the only person that she has. i am currently living with her. She does not know anything. But man she loves me soo much that if i disappoint her, i will feel horrible. 

I did try to get my life back. but it did not work. i was very energetic and veeryy naive person.  

Look, in fact, i am not a hardcore addict but i feel like i am very close to lose myself. i am just resisting. i remember, when i was 17-18 y.o, i was super excited to give value to people around me and very ambitious and bright. but now i am very dark and sad.

 

Hey Uchira,

I think a good place to start is asking yourself honestly why are you sad and dark.  Really face these with no judgement of yourself or others.  Really there is absolutely nothing wrong with any feeling or belief or, anything you did or someone else did in your past.  Your more than any of these things.  Don't be afraid of anything.   You can open up here and perhaps we can give you some insight that will be helpful.  Also stop with the drugs right now and for a while till you get some clarity in your life.  Until then they seem like things you beat yourself up over.

Edited October 5, 2018 by Mu_

[Strikr]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Uchira Go do an Ibogaine or 5-MeO retreat. It's one of the most effective cures for hardcore addicts. Ibogaine especially.

I quit weed only by inquiry and consciously wanting to quit, maybe LSD helped having the starting point, but it took me 2 months to really engage the "quitting". It was back in my mind, and I watched a lot of view on why it's better to quit, and why I should "handle" my life more. 

weed isn't bad as everyone here think, it's part of growth for many people and it shouldn't be seen as an evil plant. It's just that most people mix it with tobacco, and I suspect tobacco ( or any smoking ) [ because smoking is a part of a ritual hard to loose, especially when you do it everyday for years ]

 to play a huge role in the addiction ( next time I'll use weed, it'll probably be edible if I can and in a low quantity )

I think the problem isn't weed or any product, it depend of your "why"

it's a powerful psychedelic that has been misused by everyone, because it's not hard enough to take a toll on your psyche. it put you in the meditative states you can get from meditation without working or "taking your time", so everyone love it, but we can access a better state without any, when times comes.

 

Weed should be respected as your body and stop weed will not solve the problem.

if you have no reason to respect your body, you'll take another brick to fill the blank in your mind, believe me, I m an addict, but now I put all my addiction on music. When I need a dose, I listen music. You can't be completely free from all drug, cause the entire world is filled with "drug", your mind work on taking hits. ( everything I m writting here is of course from my own experience and knowledge )

 

I do not plan to never use it, in fact, I will probably still use it, but in a more respectful manner that has nothing to do with my addiction pattern.

the problem is the addiction pattern, not the thing you take for it.

I m still in recovery, but I don't have the need for weed at all, I mean, something change in my mind, I don't need weed to have this inner peace I was looking for, it's only the ritual part that is missing and it's started to cloud a lot, I don't think about smoking it since I quit, I try to quit 5 times, every time I quit those times, I always wanted to smoke almost all the days after I quit. It wasn't the same as "quitting for a healthy reason" ( and by healthy I mean nothing about health of body or lung, I mean in the mind )

 

it's a first good pace to recognize that you are in trouble with something, but maybe weed is just the surface of something else. Try to find what is this something else.

Edited October 5, 2018 by Strikr

[Leo Gura]

@Strikr The dude is smoking Meth.

 

[Strikr]

56 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Strikr The dude is smoking Meth.

 

ok in his message OP said he did meth and I barely noticed it my misstake ( I don't know anything about OP addiction )

he didn't say that he used it regularly, but yep meth is another kind of shit

 

 but that's good to show this guy if he is doing meth ( I watched his channel once )

 

I know someone who talked to me once about ibogaïne to help with his drug addiction ( opiated / but he was coming from an heroïn addiction ) 

isn't ibogaïne an African thing ? People who do those kind of thing have no monney for going in Africa ( generaly speaking ), although meth isn't expensive if I m right..

Not time for speak, all in the hot bath ? :p, yep maybe , the sword is better than word 

 

OP :

I suppose LSD and inquiry alone about why you're doing meth could be a " good idea "

 

if nothing mental worked.

Edited October 5, 2018 by Strikr

[Leo Gura]

@Strikr There are professional Ibogaine treatment centers in Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, Europe, and elsewhere in the world.

Do some googling.

[Uchira]

guys i am not meth addict. I did it once in my life. But i am becoming so sensitive to others judgement about me. 

My future is cloudy. I have no willing to live anymore

[Callum Milner]

@Uchira must try alcoholics anonymous, firsthand accounts of thousands it is without a doubt the best way to recover from addiction (save for psychedlic retreats etc) and many many people say it is the best thing to happen to them in their entire life. Have you considered going to a meeting?

Edited October 11, 2018 by Callum Milner