I'm So Boring :-0 - How Do I Become Interesting?

[electroBeam]

So as the title states, I'm extremely boring especially when talking to women. When on a date, I tend to not know what to say, and have trouble trying to figure out what catches her attention. I struggle with using emotional language, and often talk very logically. 

My life isnt very fun either, and often when I go out to social events its usually just out to boring stuff like the movies, no real opportunity for generating a great story to tell. 

What cool techniques are there to help develop your creativity and intrigue factor?

What sort of stuff do women find interesting? 

When talking to women, what stuff tends to catch their attention on a date?

When you notice that a women is getting bored, what should you do? Pretend to fall over to catch her attention? Panic? Tell her you have lots of money?

Thanks guys

[Harry]

Firstly, you are not 'boring'. In my entire life I am yet to meet a human being who is not interesting to at least the degree they allow themselves to be.

I know it's easier said than done but let loose a little. Be yourself. 

1) Buy 'The Six Pillars of Self-esteem' and complete the program at the back - I can't even communicate here how much this will help you.

2) Take Dale Carnegie's advice, "You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than in 2 years trying to get other people interested in you". Ask questions! Stop worrying about what you should say and start listening to what the other person is saying.

3) Watch Leo's video 'how to be funny'. He talks specifically about how to be funny if you have, as you say you do, a very logical mind.

[electroBeam]

1 hour ago, Chives99 said:

The only way you can learn how to talk to people, is just to do, if you have to force yourself to make a conversation happen it's not going to happen, your body and mind won't let you. Start off speaking to people that you are slightly less comfortable talking too and build it up over a few years. There're no shortcuts. As soon as you run out of conversation, you should end the conversation, don't talk for the sake of it. It all happens naturally 

I know Chives, but everytime I talk to someone I'm interested in, the conversation always feels clunky because I am unsure of what the person is interested in, or I'm not entirely sure if my joke will come off as offensive, etc, or I don't know if what I am about to say is cheesy, lame, etc. I dont really connect well.

@Harry good advice, I have both books, winning friends and influencing people, and the six pillars of self esteem, I try and do sentence stems every morning, dont know how effective they are though.

Edited March 28, 2016 by electroBeam

[Harry]

@electroBeam Thats great man!

1) "but everytime I talk to someone I'm interested in, the conversation always feels clunky because I am unsure of what the person is interested in".

Can you see that your focus is in the complete wrong direction, yourself rather than at the person you are speaking to. I know because I used to be the exact same. You cannot connect with people if you are half listening engaged the conversation, half worrying about what to reply while also worrying why the person is even talking to such an 'uninteresting' person in the first place.

2) "I'm not entirely sure if my joke will come off as offensive, etc, or I don't know if what I am about to say is cheesy, lame, etc. I dont really connect well."

Stop worrying! Number 1 rule for authentically connecting with other people - say what you think and think what you say - if they don't accept you, so what? Why would you want to be friends with someone who doesnt value you for who you are!

(Unless you are a complete psychopath that is, then its probably best to keep your fantacies of murdering children to yourself )

Edited March 28, 2016 by Harry

[Falk]

Do you find yourself boring or are there things about you that are awesome and how can you get more of those!?!

Don´t invest any energy in thinking about or appearing intresting to others! 

Invest all energy to feel/become awesome! Be authentic, cause everything else will bite you in the ass so hard, you might think you just absolved a 5h strong determination sit! But you didn´t, so the jokes on you ...   so be authentic and you will attract intressting people.

[Vaishnavi]

More than anything have a smart mouth. Learn to be a little witty and sarcastic. Sense of humour is the key. Girls love it  

p.s. Telling a girl that you have a lot of money IS boring. Trust me.

[poimandres]

On 3/28/2016 at 1:16 AM, electroBeam said:

So as the title states, I'm extremely boring especially when talking to women. When on a date, I tend to not know what to say, and have trouble trying to figure out what catches her attention. I struggle with using emotional language, and often talk very logically. 

My life isnt very fun either, and often when I go out to social events its usually just out to boring stuff like the movies, no real opportunity for generating a great story to tell. 

What cool techniques are there to help develop your creativity and intrigue factor?

What sort of stuff do women find interesting? 

When talking to women, what stuff tends to catch their attention on a date?

When you notice that a women is getting bored, what should you do? Pretend to fall over to catch her attention? Panic? Tell her you have lots of money?

Thanks guys

Seems like you are trying to win over some one -- this is not how it works.  Explore yourself first.  Find out what makes you tick at your core. I was always lacking confidence in myself thinking what woman is going to like an IT guy who reads a bunch of philosophy and hates sports -- totally the opposite of a masculine guy..

By putting on a front of trying to impress your date, will bring the opposite effect that you might think. Hence, she's bored.  That which is chased, runs away. There are multiple levels to communication, body language, tone of voice, word selection (i.e. flirting), etc, all of which has an instant impact (on first and lasting impressions) of the person who is on the receiving end of that communication (even non verbal, or you haven't even spoken a word to them yet).

Have you worked on your appearance?  Taken care of yourself? Become solid in what you KNOW makes you tick. If it's sports, it's sports, if it's philosophy, it's philosophy.  It's not what your interests are that will impress some one, it's your lack of neediness and being grounded in yourself.  A wit will help you get sex, but ultimately, confidence trumps all (strong silent types get sex as well). 

[electroBeam]

@Vaishnavi Depends on which girls you talk into, some(or a lot) of them love the sound of a rich guy but will look into that. But how do you be interesting, apart from being humorous? What makes someone interesting? Is it their expression? Is it they way people exaggerate? Using emotional language? I would love some techniques in this area.

@agnosis omg IT guy that hates sports and into philosophy? I'm a computer science student who hates sport and loves philosophy you sound like me 

Edited April 2, 2016 by electroBeam

[smd]

The things you need to work on are:

1.  Humor - Leo has a great video on that from last year.  I've found the exercises to lowering the filter extremely helpful.  I've been doing them for months now.

2.  Confidence - You have to build your confidence.  There are training programs, books, Leo has stuff on it as well.  Confidence building requires taking action & coincides with building self-esteem.   For instance, your Inner Critic, let's call him Ralph.  Ralph is telling you, "Hate to break it to you, but you're BORING!!!"  and then you agree.  First step is that you stop listening to what Ralph says.

3.  Detachment - Freedom from outcome. No matter what happens in the social field, good or bad, it doesn't effect you.  I think Leo's latest video on self-acceptance goes into this.  Also meditation helps with it as well.  Having a life purpose also helps because it grounds you...I think Leo said this as well.

So these three things I've been working on myself and improving in each piece where I can.  I've talked to many women in bars & restaurants, made some new friends, & added myself to two new social groups.  That's how I track my progress.  If something effects me "on set", I look at the above Social Trinity to find out which one can help me.

For instance, last night after the bar closed, I was talking to these two women and one of them started talking about her friend's lover had a short dick but he was great with his tongue and so she loved him to death.  This other girl then showed up on set and only caught half of the conversation where the woman had her tongue sticking out talking about licking wool.  So I says to her, "Hey there!  We were just talking about how great I am in the sack."  One of the girl's rolled her eyes, but I still thought it was funny as hell.  It didn't bother me that she didn't like what I said.  That's the Social Trinity in action.

[Vaishnavi]

@electroBeam first of all, those who love the sound of a 'rich guy' are the ones who are into your money, not in YOU and they will be with you until you have those dollars in your bank and a relationship like that is something I would not call a relationship in the first place. I don't think you would want to have a girl like that, I HOPE you don't want a girl like that. How to be interesting? Be Yourself. Be who you are and be the best version of who you can be. Stop changing yourself so that you can be someone you don't want to be, work hard and work for yourself, on yourself. Be humble and work for a greater cause. Those kind of people attract everyone. They do. 

If you want some 'tips' apart from that, I would say talk, and by that mean talk about her. Talk about what she likes, what she enjoys. Talk about her interests and don't fake it, take a genuine interest in what she likes. Listen. Women like it when they realise that their presence is being valued. Maintain eye contact but don't intimidate her. Make her comfortable. 

[Harry]

On 02/04/2016 at 10:23 AM, electroBeam said:

@Vaishnavi Depends on which girls you talk into, some(or a lot) of them love the sound of a rich guy but will look into that. But how do you be interesting, apart from being humorous? What makes someone interesting? Is it their expression? Is it they way people exaggerate? Using emotional language? I would love some techniques in this area.

@agnosis omg IT guy that hates sports and into philosophy? I'm a computer science student who hates sport and loves philosophy you sound like me 

Techniques to be interesting? 

Come on now, have you not been reading anything we have been saying?

Stop looking for some technique or gimmic to 'make you interesting'. YOU ARE INTERESTING! You just need to build a healthy enough self-esteem to start to see that! 

[Harry]

 

@Socrates Well said, I comletely agree! He should not be looking for external validation of 'being interesting' as a basis for his self-esteem, but be looking inside to see what he values, believes in and is interested by.

It is insanity to allow your opinion about yourself depend on a thought in another person's mind.

The paradox is the less you care about trying to be interesting to others and instead, start caring (and talking) about whatever interests you, the more engaging you will naturally become.

Get out of your bubble of anxiety. Becoming genuinely interested in both yourself and the person you are talking to are the best approaches to becoming a great conversationalist.

• 2 hours ago, Socrates said:

  • Isn't it better to ask "what interests me?"  So that electro bea becomes the one with interests, the hunter rather than the prey.  This kind of woe is me he is demonstrating right now is extremely boring and uninteresting.  Interesting is in the eye of the beholder anyway, imagine if electro beam comes to know he is interesting, imagine what would happen to his self esteem if someone dared not to find him interesting?  It would collapse. Got to let others decide what they like and he decides what he likes.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Harry

[Canadian]

Well, it is not a big deal. all you need is this click this

Just think about this video, you will become successful 

[Harry]

16 hours ago, Canadian said:

Well, it is not a big deal. all you need is this click this

Just think about this video, you will become successful 

(From link) Agreed, if @electroBeamreads more and expands his knowledge he will have more in his bank to talk about.

BUT, I don't think this is the core issue.

He needs to build up a strong self-esteem to convey these ideas and opinions with conviction. As apposed to second-guessing every word that slides out of his mouth. ;P

Moreover, I imagine he has a lot of quality shit to say already that is subconsciously being held back by his belief "I am not interesting". 

Your mind will act on a belief identically to if it were a fact. Therefore, this belief would cause one to conclude:

"If I am not interesting why would anyone want me to talk to me? They don't! Therefore, there is no point me talking openly if I am just going to get cut down, as I inevitably will, due to my boringness."

@electroBeam Obliterate all signs of this belief.  Only then you will allow yourself to become interesting.