I Don't Know

[DizIzMikey]

@Pinocchio ty brightened me up with some tears

[cetus]

What if physics is correct and there are 11 dimensions and this "existance" is the 3rd-dimention plus time(4th-d). The sum total of all dimensions is projecting itself onto this 3rd-D "canvas" and experiencing itself through awareness and through a variety of different organisms that can only be sustained physically within the 3rd-D+time. The human species being  just one of many in this vast universe. When physics gets down to the smallest parts that make up the material world, what they find is tiny curled up dimensions called Calabi- Yau manifolds. They are vibrating and have an awareness to them making for a unified wave field. That becomes the basic canvas to this existence.  Also It was just proven that gravity waves do exist. Existence is expanding and contracting. Think about what that really means. The physical distance between you and me gets closer and farther all the time. It also warps time so it slows it down and speeds it up. So nothing within existence is stable. Everything whitin existance is a wave motion.   All the dimensions exist within the 0th dimension. 0th being a non-space. The alpha -omega (nothingness). I realize that is a lot of science and rational thinking. But I wonder if awareness is simply the sum total of all dimensions projecting and experiencing itself onto the 3rd-D, just as a movie is projected onto a screen.  To me that answers a lot of questions about "what am I" and "where am I" from a scientific point of view. Maybe there is nothing " spiritual " about any of this what so ever.  

[werlight]

On March 25, 2016 at 3:36 AM, DizIzMikey said:

I don't know if I know anything

 

I THINK MY EGO IS DYING FOR ATTENTION..ITS DROWNING I THINK..HELP MEEEE! lol

Everything I've been taught has been taught by others so what do I know?

What if I know nothing, than how do others seem like they know something?

I don't know...

I'll pretend for a little bit

-----------------------------------------------

This state is causing me extreme pain, I have all these emotions that I feel like want to come out, which they do when I mirror meditate

But most of the day I'm like.. I'm angry..than my brain goes oh wait, I don't know if I'm really angry, just because my mind says its angry am I angry? I don't know...

So the anger whisks away, but I still think it is there....but...very quiet..but I don't know if I'm truly angry so ...well... nothing really comes out

I am confused...I have gone so deep into the rabbit hole that I try to go back to the life I once had, and I'm so deep in that when I'm done playing Skyrim it comes back to haunt me, I'm conscious and I'm in agony.. IM SO HOLLOW it isn't even funny

Someone once said on these forums that if you do not have a guide to enlightenment you eventually get to feeling ok being the bad guy

I think I'm getting to that point, I'm starting to not give a fuck what anyone thinks about what I do...I feel proud about it, I like that I lightly give a fuck what anyone thinks, but perhaps they are not pressing the right buttons. I'm smiling right now...I feel like I'm better than anyone else...

I feel intellectually superior when the fact of the matter probably is...I'm not or wasn't or am not the sharpest tool in the shed, how I said it is probably a ego defense.

POINT BEING SOMETHING IS SCREAMING OUT TO EXPRESS ITSELF...I THINK IM GOING TO GET MY ASS IN A STUDIO AND MAKE A TRACK BUT..I CANT TRUST MY OWN WORD...NO WONDER IM IN SUCH TORMENT I CANT EVEN TRUST MYSELF BUT I WILL ONLY LISTEN TO MYSELF..quite the paradox?

 

I....DONT...KNOW..rather

no I maybe

DONT KNOW sounds more accurate 

Do I exist?

DONT KNOW

Holy hell I'm going to die one day and I don't know if hell exists...

@DizIzMikey I dont know exactly what you are going through but I want to share with you something a wrote when I went through an EGO crisis about 9 months ago.. I hope it helps !

--- @cetus56 @Emerald Wilkins @jjer94

A deep feeling of grace and love filled my life and days and weeks went by in perfect joy and beauty. I had fallen in love with this sublime and beautiful part of myself.

One day during one of my weekly guided meditations I felt a deep cold emptiness inside me. How can this be ? How could I feel this emptiness inside me after all I have gone thru ?

Once again I would find the answer inside myself. I paid attention to my feelings. Something inside me felt alone, forgotten and sad. It wanted to be seen, it wanted to be remembered and it wanted to be included. I could visualize this energy inside me like a lonely child in a dark place shaking, cold and scared. It was afraid and it wanted to reject this new and beautiful side of me.

This energy of fear and sadness was so powerful that it took me out of the beautiful state of grace I had been for weeks.

My first reaction, out of ignorance, was to to reject it. But the more I rejected it the stronger it became. Rejection was not the solution.

The answer was love and compassion. The answer was acceptance. I would accept this energy as part of myself. If it felt alone I would embrace it, if it felt forgotten I would remember it, and if it felt sad I would give it all my love. Nothing would be left behind, nothing would be forgotten, everything would be acknowledged and everything would be accepted.

I would visualize myself embracing this dark and frightened part of myself and accepting it as part of who I AM. A few weeks later, the sense of cold emptiness was gone.

----

Love Yourself !!!! Dont reject yourself !!!!

Edited March 29, 2016 by werlight

[cetus]

@werlight There is such a place where all questions cease to exist. Questions only ever arise from sense of doubt and separation anyway. When there is total surrender and acceptance, all that is left is love and compassion. Who needs anything more than that?

[werlight]

2 hours ago, cetus56 said:

@werlight There is such a place where all questions cease to exist. Questions only ever arise from sense of doubt and separation anyway. When there is total surrender and acceptance, all that is left is love and compassion. Who needs anything more than that?

Yes. In fact that was my last EGO crisis. That was 9 months ago.

Complete acceptance of what IS since then.

Very beautiful to realize that accepting, loving and having compassion for yourself is the only path to finding lasting Peace. ?

Edited March 29, 2016 by werlight

[cetus]

@werlight Yea, seeing your ego self within existence from another perspective for the 1st time is quite a different view. Wow!  Blasted a gaping hole in that ego. After the first experience I thought " Oh shit, I'm back". I need to get integrated with new view point.  Still, something remains of me. What is that?   Ego, sense of individualism, self expression, divine self?  I'm not sure what's left. I guess that's why it's called a path.

[Emerald]

13 hours ago, werlight said:

@DizIzMikey I dont know exactly what you are going through but I want to share with you something a wrote when I went through an EGO crisis about 9 months ago.. I hope it helps !

--- @cetus56 @Emerald Wilkins @jjer94

A deep feeling of grace and love filled my life and days and weeks went by in perfect joy and beauty. I had fallen in love with this sublime and beautiful part of myself.

One day during one of my weekly guided meditations I felt a deep cold emptiness inside me. How can this be ? How could I feel this emptiness inside me after all I have gone thru ?

Once again I would find the answer inside myself. I paid attention to my feelings. Something inside me felt alone, forgotten and sad. It wanted to be seen, it wanted to be remembered and it wanted to be included. I could visualize this energy inside me like a lonely child in a dark place shaking, cold and scared. It was afraid and it wanted to reject this new and beautiful side of me.

This energy of fear and sadness was so powerful that it took me out of the beautiful state of grace I had been for weeks.

My first reaction, out of ignorance, was to to reject it. But the more I rejected it the stronger it became. Rejection was not the solution.

The answer was love and compassion. The answer was acceptance. I would accept this energy as part of myself. If it felt alone I would embrace it, if it felt forgotten I would remember it, and if it felt sad I would give it all my love. Nothing would be left behind, nothing would be forgotten, everything would be acknowledged and everything would be accepted.

I would visualize myself embracing this dark and frightened part of myself and accepting it as part of who I AM. A few weeks later, the sense of cold emptiness was gone.

----

Love Yourself !!!! Dont reject yourself !!!!

Very well said.

[DizIzMikey]

Thank you all for your advice

Will be trying the talking to myself technique and showing myself love, me in a corner or something.

[Henri]

@DizIzMikey Purpose of all knowledge is to get from an ugly `I don`t know` to a beautiful `I don`t know`, were it`s all about wonder.

[werlight]

On March 29, 2016 at 1:24 PM, werlight said:

Yes. In fact that was my last EGO crisis. That was 9 months ago.

Complete acceptance of what IS since then.

Very beautiful to realize that accepting, loving and having compassion for yourself is the only path to finding lasting Peace. ?

This video is a perfect analogy of what happens when you try to "fight" against your EGO. Hilarious ?

 

 

[cetus]

 

  Now this is "FUCKING WITH YOUR EGO" as Leo says!

[Cuzzo]

Just chill bro. It's all good.