knox

How can I lost the fear of enter in conflict with someone?

5 posts in this topic

I have some questions about my personality that has been disturbed me for a long time. It’s impossible for me to impose myself on somebody: like my girlfriend, my customers( I work with computers ), my colleague works. It’s very hard for me to say ‘no’ to someone because the comfort zone allows me don’t conflict with anybody. As imagined, it has been bringing to me many problems for some time like doing stuff on work that isn’t my responsibility or even endures silly things from my girlfriend that she’s angry for something that really doesn’t matter at all.

I have been going to a psychologist since April but I haven’t many things changing on the way I relate to other people around me. An important thing about m girlfriend is that she supports me on these things, she says that I have to say to her something that I don’t like about our relationship but even it’s very hard to me say that. In the end, I always accept everything saying anything e doing all the things she wants. And when I do my best doing things to her, but it isn't like she hopes she be angry and I apologize, as of thousands other times.

I would like to read opinions from you that have gone through this and how have you changed it. Thanks

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changing the way you look at it. 

saying it's impossible, too challenging, too hard, too outside of my comfort zone, makes it a self-fulfilling prophecy

Saying, I can take baby steps to accomplish this goal, I can accomplish this goal, I am competent enough to overcome this will help you move into the right direction

Edited by d0ornokey

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Avoiding conflict mostly comes from learned behavior in childhood. Was it accepted that you where angry as a child? Did you experience a lot of conflict or did the whole family avoid it? What are your believes about conflict? If you say no to others, what is your underlying root belief; unloved, not accepted, any other believes? 

Dig deep, if you feel you somehow repressed your own anger try this releasing exersize; 

Then the next question; what are you gaining by this behavior? We only behavior a certain way if we gain of win something, even if it's destructive in the long run.

On 10-8-2018 at 3:20 PM, knox said:

I have been going to a psychologist since April but I haven’t many things changing on the way I relate to other people around me.

Therapy takes time, it's not a quick fix solution. Changing believes and looking in to root causes of your believes takes also time.

Like @d0ornokey said, take baby steps to change your behavior or believes.

Best of luck with your journey 🍀

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KEEN AWARENESS IS HOW YOU TRANSCEND FEAR OF ENGAGING IN CONFLICT WITH PEOPLE

The easiest way to enter conflict without fear is when you're keenly aware of your micro and macro-level actual problem situations in your life.  It takes a lot of Personal Development work to get to this place though.  The reason you don't want to enter conflict is because you're not keenly aware of your actual problem situations or what is needed to sustainably solve them.  One of the best places you can get to is when you enter conflict knowing deep-down that it's a battle worth waging.

Edited by Joseph Maynor

When you sound like a philosopher about Enlightenment, that’s what will change.

 

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