Lack of connection and loneliness

[Applejuice]

So I formed a very strong bond with my ex. And it was the closest person I got to, so once it ended I started feeling very empty and alone. This was over a year ago and even though I'm over it now, there is still that void inside of me that needs connection, currently I am doing this with internet and youtube videos. I recognise now that I need to actually create human bonds in my life, but I don't know how. I have no idea on how to talk to people I don't know and how to effectively become friends with them. And if I do make a friendship it's shallow and surface level, or I just end up not liking the person and prefer to be alone for whatever reason or they just don't like me. So does anyone have any tips on how to forge stronger bonds with people and how to really create deep meaningful friendships?

[zoey101]

I feel you @Applejuice 

It can be hard  ((((hugs))))

You are not alone in feeling this. Trust me. I don't know if that helps any..

[Nahm]

@Applejuice Get good with yourself first. Everything you’re saying about your relationships with others is actually your projection. This imo is a really great thing.  There is no void from the past relationship, there is a repetition of thinking about it in the same way. If you would like reality to open up for you, be willing and open minded. If you want better relationships be willing to be open minded, and a good listener. Practically, and easy way to make friends if through common interests. Yoga? ?.

 If you do the practices, eventually, there is nothing better than being alone and other people are major icing on the cake. The depth of your relationships with peeps cannot surpass the depth of your relationship with your self. Impossible.  Meditation is good for this. Self Inquiry. 

[Guest Quanty]

You need to Bond with Yourself, that is the reason of feeling void. You are an energy vampire by feeling good only around people. Bonding with another human being is irrelevant, it will bring you more pain if you only do that. Put other people in second place. 

[LastThursday]

We need people like we need food and air; that is being human. But unlike eating and breathing it takes great skill to bond with others - a certain level of mastery is required and you really never stop learning. But with anything worth mastering - the path to enlightenment included - it needs real determination and stamina.

So don't put yourself down or give up before you've really started, it's early days.

My two tips are:

Learn to be confident by knowing yourself well.

Be vulnerable and open up to others, not for pity, but for sharing your wonderful self.

Edited May 18, 2018 by LastThursday
Typo.

[nour-cha93]

I suffered from lonliness for too long but about a year ago I stopped and thought: wait a minute, is being alone that bad??

I had to keep a very toxic people in my life so that I dont feel alone because being alone was once a nightmare for me. 

Here is a saying that I like the most "if you are not happy alone, you will not be happy with anyone else"

Only when you start enjoying being alone, you will start building healthy relationships with others, when you make others responsible for your happiness, you will suffer even if you were around tons of friends, simply because no one can make anyone happy!! not even your boy/girl friend.

Its okay if someone does not want to be your friend, or you find someone that you do not like to be around. 

Find a hobby, read good books or practice an instrument, make relationships with people a trivial thing in your life and only then, you will be able to make good relationships.

 

 

[The Don]

Hello.

Thank you for opening this great topic.

First of all, be aware of the fact that you don't need too many friends.

Second,  be aware of the fact that loneliness is just an illusion.

In my case, I like to do personal development work and I don't find myself being lonely. Why? Because loneliness is the thing that grounds me. You need to be "lonely" to Self-Actualize.

If you really wanna grow you have to face this issue of loneliness all by yourself. 

Start a meditation habit. Meditate on a daily basis. Raise your awareness because it's very important. Over time you will see the positive side of this.

You have to fix this issue FIRST before making friends.

Good luck!