Everyday

165 Days Before College

158 posts in this topic

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.8/5

✔️no fap (no  urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️ 18 10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌0 /30m mind powers

✔️15+/30 meditation

❌ 0/10 concentration

✔️studying (it was hard af)

 ❌go to sleep at a decent time

ONE EGO BACKLASHY BOI:

  • How many times did  i check out this forum? a  handful of times 
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope 
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  3/5
  • 15th days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:  low urges( lol i had a dream in which i was watching a tv show but i said to myself that it`s OK because it`s a tv show not a tv show (it really did made sense to me). it seemed so real. when i woke up i wasn't sure if it was real or not -it was a dream fortunately. 
  •  
  • WHAT A SHITY DAY I HAD: 
    • i just realized that i had a similar  shity  day, one day before starting this journal. Both of them were right after i had a shamanic breathing session. i am taking about massive ego backlashes. is either just my imagination or this is real. 
  • at 1 in the morning i found out that i passed the English exam therefore i will start college in uk instead of my own country in a college-town. i felt proud of myself for a some time but than i felt afraid and sad that this means that i will make a fool of myself bc my conversational skills in English are sub-mediocre and everyone there will laugh at me. i just wanted to fail the exam although i prepared for it for months 
  • i was woke up early in the morning by my VERY nosy neighbors. i lazed around till 12:00. i put  some notebooks in my backpack  and i left home to go to a new coffee shop . by now, my neighbors were quiet af if you can believe this. 
  • on my way to this place i was crippled with thoughts such as:  what if my  high school colleagues see me? what if they`ll make  fun of me? what if  they will think that all i have done since i saw them last time is lame? What will these tourists think of me if they ask me smth and i reply with broken English?++++ I am so pathetic! i cant even do pickup;if i go to a girl i will have no idea what to do; i don't know how . and i kept running this scenarios in my mind and even daydreaming of  meeting with them  randomly and that they`ll me jealous and impressed by all my achievements. 
  • i arrived there and one waiter told me that i they don't serve inside the café  and outside was to noisy so i left.    albeit  that  i felt  a whirlpool of negative emotions (fear, apprehensive, frustration ,hate, resentfulness , anxious, hopeless, etc) i KEPT pushing MYSELF like all day. so i went near my old high school to eat at some vegan place. on my way there i passed by two people i knew from high school but never talked with them and again a lot of negative thoughts&emotions erupted:``i haven't done   any major cool stuff since i finished high school.;( i am taking a gap year currently).;That  my dating skills  are as poor as always.; That i haven't changed at all since than. That i wasted my time ; That i am boring and my schedule is boring (meditation,studying,reading,walking,self -actualization; That i  will never be able to improve my dating skills or to start pick-up; That i still don't speak English fluently; That i wont be able to speak in English abroad at college and everyone will think that i am retarded ; That i should give up . 
  • the college where the majority of my high school colleagues and friends  went is nearby my high school as well as the second coffee shop i went which was closed.  Whilst walking near this college i was so frustrated and so afraid and so disappointed of myself that i was almost  shaking after each corner which might have put me face in  to face with them.  i saw no one  I am not that smart to be studying in West Europe ; i am too old (19) and  I still don't speak perfect English nor am i doing  pick-up; It`s too late to learn them now; and so on. ....
  •  
    • this are my thoughts i had around that college ----written only a few hours later (fresh like a home-made orange juice from onenote)

 

  • I felt afraid, worried, embarrassed, frustrated to the bone.
  • I feel embarrassed that i still haven't  picked girls up. And i am not doing it. Nor i had sex or spoke with girls sexual since i got rid of them(high school friends)
  • Hey! Only 8 or 9 months had passed. Lol. you  cant become extra-extra self-actualized in such a short time. But you truly did amazing improvements. Look, if you stress so much about pick-up ill do it.
  • I felt uncool bc i don't go out(hey i do now , i go to coffee shops)
  • I felt ashamed of my un-cool clothes and hair, half-assed grooming, the state of cleanliness of my shoes.
  • I realized whilst i was looking at hot girl that i wanted to speak with her  bc i wanted to prove to ( high school ex- friends)  that i am cool now 
  • . I can speak with girls
  • I can be cool -if i want that 
  • I can learn English
  • Also i felt bad bc i have shity English skills. I felt so ashamed. And apprehensive that one if those foreign tourists will speak with me and they'll laugh at me.
  •  But ill never see them again. I can do it.
  • I don't even like those scums.(high school,past friends)
  • I am thinking about what they'll say about me if they see me. will they like me now, that i am cool? Lol get over it. high school is over 
  • Why am i holding them on a pedestal? They aren't god. What am i assuming that they have done in 8 months that is cooler than everything i did.( contempl this)
  • Don`t get lost in this ``i want to be cooler than them, who's the best chimp``!! see leo video- college advice- don't play social status games
  • What do well dressed men think of my style? Do they hate me? Hmmmm. Contempl.
  • I need to let go of the past. i need to let go of  searching for approval ., being defined by my past, being passive in building my life.
  • I need to stop listening  at others gains and their ``cool``  past stories  
  • I need to learn to look forward
  • I need to re-define myself.
  • I need to let go of my high school drama. Even if i don't feel ready.
  • Being in nature won't help you feel 100000% better and forget about your self imposed pick-up boundaries.
  • Don't expect to feel like one that does it. Tom did not feel like one.
  • I worry that I'll suck at English in uk.  So what? That's how you grow!  the mastery process! you want to be a new you? Right? Than do the hard work!
  • The people you want to get approval from are garbage.! Pure garbage.
  • Shut up! You can do it! Hahaha hahaha believe in thyself. Or not. Just push like a miner.
  • Yo! You're in your gap year! High school is over! Let it go. You are like over it. How can you build the new you a little every day if you are living in the past? Hoe?

 

  • I wanted to make more small talks with strangers to create a win-win situation but i felt so resistant and unmotivated. (tom torero said that by having positive small talks with strangers make both of you happy and as a plus you grow your conversational skills)
  • Than i walked a little more and i eat in a park beside an area were a manipulative friend from high school lives( i got rid of him. it was ridiculously hard emotionally speaking) as i kept feeling so bad about everything that i haven't fixed about my life yet(dating, pick-up, knowing English perfectly).
  • Also i passed by a well dressed and groomed man which made me to think that o am not enough, that my clothes aren't cool, that my haircut isn't cool, that my shoes aren't perfectly clean and so on. I sat on a bench listening to  a few depressing songs on repeat.
  • Also, i remembered about  a few sad memories from my past. I got frustrated that i cannot forget about my problems and my insecurities regarding dating although i was surrounded by nature. I Realized There THAT i cannot fix my problems regarding pick-up or my English by trying to solve them indirectly. I need to make a plan to fix them directly not passively. I cannot run from hard work. I can fix dating problems dating and reading by dating /pick-up.
  • I took the subway to my regular café in the same mall i talked about  before. i took a walk in the parking lot and i was amazed by how sad and lonely i feel and how quiet was that place. i bought two apples . I saw two gorgeous girls. One of them flirted with me but i did nothing bc i had no idea how. I felt frustrated and needy 📲.
  • I eat the apples on a bench in the mall just looking absently at a door. i pushed myself to ask a dude where the bathroom is (not a big deal but today it seemed 10 times harder, and i knew where the bathroom is obviously). Then i left towards  the bathroom  walking behind someone because the  restroom was two corridors ahead of me. He looked scared -he turned his head and    i thought is bc he saw me talking with that dude before. nope. HE look like that at me , with such a  WORRIED FACE BC HE FARTED. YES. YOU READ THIS RIGHT. THAT FART WENT DIRECTLY IN MY NOSTRILS. I HAVE NEVER SMELLED SOMETHING MORE HORRIBLE THAN that. Lol. I said nothing. Just kept walking. Lol. boi....... that smell ...... ohh boi 
  • I ordered a smoothie. I made some joke that she(the cashier) put her underage(read:10 years old daughter) to wash some dishes. She laughed. i felt good. Furthermore, i suggested to her to put her little daughter to wash/swipe the floor too.  the little girl didn't look happy. her mom laughed. (tom torero win-win situation -but not for the little girl lol).
  •  
  •    I (finally) arrived at the coffee-shop studied for maybe an hour than read day-game and took notes. Than i for a huge urge to eat a burger. I have this toxic mindset  that i have to continue doing things that are bad for me and than i will start all over again in the fallowing morning. I gave up. I eat the damn burger.. It was greasy and had no distinct  taste. Whilst i was eating  i was telling to myself that i am a disgusting human being, that i don't deserve anything, etc etx.
  • I felt horrible. Than i got this idea that i have to eat another one and than i will start all over again the next day and it will be everything perfect.
  • I went to buy some burger for another place within the mall but it was too crowded so i left. I walked home by foot. I tried to get a burger from some place but they did bot had any. I left.
  • I decided that i have do destroy this day definitely and therefore i stopped at another place and got a huuuuge burger. It was disgusting. Like i was near to throw up. I eat till i was too full to finish it. It had no taste. Just a greasy texture. (last time i eat one, before i started this thread i thought that is somewhat tasty. Hmmm had my consciousness raised?
  • Fruits /vegetables tastes 10 times better . i got a bad stomachache so i left. I felt guilty and disappointed of myself. my stomach hurt all the way to my  home. I had a sensation of mild-i-will-throw-up but i didn't.
  •  
  • Tomorrow will be shity too. Probably. I have work to do but i have zero motivation.
Edited by Everyday

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                                 MAY

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.1/5

✔️no fap ( NO urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️ 11 10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌ /30m mind powers

❌/30 meditation

❌/10 concentration

✔️studying 

 ❌going to bed at a decent time

 

wouldn't you like to know weather boy?

  1. How many times did  i check out this forum? ONLY ONCE
  2. was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread?
  3. how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2.3/5
  4. have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  3/5
  5. 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: no urges; Day 16
  6. .
  7. i made small talk with some people although i really hesitated at first. it was  funny .
    1. lesson- keep the conversation going- don`t stop it. 
  8. i bought two plants, today from a local greenhouse: a mint and a  stevia, i will use the former one to sweeten my smoothies.
  9. mint-info.jpgsteviainfo.jpg
  10.  
  11.  i planted some seeds of morning glories before the ones of which i had posted  here. they have already germinated :
  12. IMG_20180503_193912.jpg
  13. also, the arugula seeds i planted a few days ago had just sprouted. i will post a pic tomorrow  
Edited by Everyday

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✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5

✔️no fap ( no  urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️❌ ❌Eating healthy

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️5 /30m mind powers

✔️5/30 meditation

✔️10/10 concentration

✔️studying 

 ✔️go to sleep at a decent time

+

  • How many times did  i check out this forum? just this time 
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1 /5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  3.2/5
  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 17:  STROOOOOOONG urges
  •  
  • made small talk with a one cashier and and a woman who was selling sockets  socks
    • lesson just ask simple questions. eg- i asked the cashier what was wrong with a product which she scanned 3 times unsuccessfully. i know is simple but works. lol. to brake the ice.
    • also make more conversations based on ``what you see``
    • don`t wait . just start a conversation. if you do otherwise it will get creeper and creepier when you will finally initiate contact with that person 
  •  
  • 9.jpgIMG_201805099999999999999999994_192928.jpgCapt999ure.PNG
Edited by Everyday

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✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.2/5

✔️no fap ( very STRONG urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️❌ /30m mind powers

✔️❌/30 meditation

✔️❌/10 concentration

✔️studying 

 ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time

       +

  • How many times did  i check out this forum? only this time 
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  2/5
  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 18:   moderate urges
  •  
  • i felt  numerous  negative emotions through out the day 
  • i let myself to feel lust/sexual desire and  felt much better(not perfect , but better). i just accepted those emotions as a normal element of being a man 
  • same coffee house. i struggled for 2h to study and at the very and i hit momentum so it became 3x times easier to study which surprised me and made me excited
  •  
  • one staff dude from this coffee shop which i thought that she hates me jugging by the way he looked at me . he said to me ``thank you `` after i cleaned after myself, and returned the wood try from where i took it. he and his colleagues have to clean after all the other customers all the time. i felt instantly happy and surprised. it just took me by surprise . lol 
  • also, i just observed that they have cinnamon etc to put into tea. lol. i went there for over 10 times and just today i have seen it 
  • today i did not strike p any conversation with strangers bc i felt crappy 
Edited by Everyday

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                                                                       MAY

Sunday 6-5-2018

 

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1/5

❌no fap (i relapsed . lol. day 0 )

❌spending time outside

❌daily journaling 

✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy

✔️ overeat

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️10/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌ /30m mind powers

✔️5m/30 meditation

✔️5/10 concentration

❌studying 

 ❌go to sleep at a decent time

 

How many times did  i check out this forum? not even once 

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 3.9/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  3.9/5

i feel a little disappointed of myself nut i am positive about the future. 

30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 0. i relapsed. tough i did not watched them till 5am 

 

 

 

 

 

today,Monday 7-5-2018

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.9/5

✔️no fap ( high urges) day 1 yay.....!

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️❌ /30m mind powers

✔️34/30 meditation

✔️5/10 concentration

✔️studying 

 i watched tv series alll night till 7am ❌go to sleep at a decent time

How many times did  i check out this forum? only this time, but i wanted to do it more 

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 4.8/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post? yes,4.7/5

147 days till college 

4135 until the end of my 20s 

i am positive about the future. i know i can do these challenges nofap and no tv series/movies. i am better and grater  than these temptation . it is hard but it can be done 

30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 0:  i still watched some tv series tough i resisted for the first part of the day 

 

Edited by Everyday

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✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.2/5

❌no fap ( i went into a masturbation spree all night  but the rest of the day i abstained; high urges )

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy✔️ ❌ ❌

✔️ overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

❌10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌ /30m mind powers

❌meditation

❌/10 concentration

✔️studying 

going to bed at a decent time ❌

How many times did  i check out this forum?just this time, though i meant to check it out out of boredom at noon 

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? low

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2.4/5

 

 

Edited by Everyday

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✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5

❌no fap 

❌spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ❌ ✔️Eating healthy

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️15/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌ /30m mind powers

❌/30 meditation

❌/10 concentration

✔️studying (only a bit but mostly i watched tv series)

 ✔️go to sleep at a decent time

How many times did  i check out this forum? just this time 

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2.1 /5

30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 0:  

Untrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrritled.pngIMG_20180507_124339.jpg

 

Edited by Everyday

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✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5

✔️no fap ( moderate urges; day 1 )

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ❌ ✔️Eating healthy

✔️ overeat

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌ /30m mind powers

✔️31/30 meditation

✔️6/10 concentration

✔️studying 

 ✔️go to sleep at a decent time

                                                              +

  • How many times did  i check out this forum? just now
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 1 /5
  • 145 days left
  •  
  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 1: high urges; i felt resistant to do my work and  delaying them by watching some movies/tv series seemed the perfect solution ; i was bored ; watching some episodes seemed a good solution; thinking that tomorrow i wont be  watching  seemed logical 
  •  
  • i will read from Daygame only a few times. i have 2 important  exams on 24th May . if i pass both of them i will be accepted to the first college from  my list ( best suitable for my lp,major,future  plans)
  • i will, from now on include more clippings from this forum and from the INTERNET 
  • lol this thread is almost 1 month old. i feel that i have grown a lot and maybe that`s way i have relapsed. that`s how we grow .
  • shamanic breathing session:
    • music
    • it was the best one so far. 
    • no n. emotions surfaced.
    • i just felt relaxed and calm 
    • i did 25m 
    • i have thought of quiting only 3 minutes before the timer was up 
    • music for 10m observation
    • though use a thicker blanket next time 
    • i will try to do it whilst listening to this album or i will listen to these two in the same time

 

gardening lesson:

  • don't expose your seedlings too close to sun/heating/light source
  • use good soil. 
  • don't over water the plants 

 

Opera Snapshot_2018-05-10_205451_articles.rsdnation.com.pngFrom-Output-to-Outcomes.jpg

how-to-grow-tomato-plants-goodness-gracious-living.jpg

Edited by Everyday

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 I am back on track, baby! 

 

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2.5/5

✔️no fap ( Day 2; high urges - i calmed myself by reminding myself that  by saying``i wont fap just once and from tomorrow on i will go cold turkey`` i will go nowhere and that i will feel urges daily so there is no point in delaying going cold turkey )

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ✔️❌ Eating healthy

✔️ overeat

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️34/30 meditation

✔️10/10 concentration

✔️studying 

 ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time

✔️15 /30m mind powers  whilst listening to this album. i will keep doing this,maybe i will keep on track (5m affirmation, 5m positive self talk, 5m visualization)  

Opera Snapshot_2018-05-11_232051_open.spotify.com.png

                                 +

  • How many times did  i check out this forum? just now three times 
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2 /5
  •  
  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 2: high urges; 
  • i eat at a restaurant and i abstained to eat ketchup or mayonnaise although i had a burger . 
  • i don't know why but the other day i eat a full bag of potato chips albeit i haven't one in years. lol . baby ego-backlash?
  •  i can believe how much i have changed since may 2017
  •  
  • the high light of the day: I DID MIND POWERS FOR 15 MINUTES! i have been doing them on and off for months. but today i decided to start with 15m daily, than to increase to 30m.  why i have done massive changes after a massive ego backlash? (April 18th-started this thread,i relapsed a few days ago and now i started mind powers) Amazing!
  • i realized how wrong is to watch porn or to masturbate thinking about hot babes. porn is fake af. those people are just playing a role . and why would you even imagine fucking hot girls? it`s nonsense. 
  • what i read today:

 

666.jpg

Edited by Everyday

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        MAY

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1.5/5

✔️no fap ( Day 3;moderate urges;wet dream)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ✔️ ✔️Eating healthy

 i  overeat  lol 

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️12/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️15 /30m mind powers

✔️1/30 meditation

✔️5/10 concentration

✔️studying 

❌ go to sleep at a decent time

     ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 3:  i-dont-rememberer-urges
  • How many times did  i check out this forum? once
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? moderate
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5
  •  
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  2/5
  • apparently hippos and rhinos aren't the same animal.
  • i am surprised that i barely feel socially anxiety in crowded places like subway stations or supermarkets. although i felt lonely in the middle of the crowd  around the fruit aisle .i remember when i felt moderate anxiety way back in the fall of 2017. interesting.
  •  
  • i made fruit skewers! everyone from my family eat  ate one! this is such a handy method to eat fruit! 
    • don't use too many sweet fruits/alternate them 
    • pear`s flesh is too thick and harden -use apples
    • dont combine pineapples with oranges -it will be too sweet
    • top fruit-combination : grapes, watermelon, oranges, strawberries,bananas 
  •  
  • i made a delicious fruit salad
    • watermelon, pears,apples,grapes,oranges,bananas   +  coconut flakes, hemp seeds, various seeds)
    • Untidddddddtled.png

 

lol

Opera Snapshot_2018-05-11_235611_www.youtube.com.png

Edited by Everyday
fun

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I like your way of presenting your goals! It's clear and readable. 

How do you manage not to overeat? And what means the goal "no lp course"?

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@ElenaO

24 minutes ago, ElenaO said:

I like your way of presenting your goals!

 thank you! 

24 minutes ago, ElenaO said:

How do you manage not to overeat? 

lol  i am working on this. 80%  of time i overeat because i just like food. the ✔️ means that i overate  and ❌means that i didn`t  . i will make it clearer from now on.

24 minutes ago, ElenaO said:

And what means the goal "no lp course"?

i bought leo`s lp course over a year ago but i got stock at figuring out my values. i feel tremendous resistance to do the exercises.

Edited by Everyday
fun

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MAY                                                                       

Opera Snapshot_2018-01-27_005918_www.buzzfeed.com.png                                                                                 

 

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5

✔️no fap ( moderate urges, thinking way i should fap today and to re-start no fap again tomorrow and to never fap again;Day 3)

❌spending time outside

❌daily journaling 

✔️❌ ✔️Eating healthy

i  overeat

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️ 15/30m mind powers

❌/30 meditation

✔️5?/10 concentration

✔️studying (though massive resistance and worries that i wont pass those exams and that i wasted time)

 ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time

 

+

  1. 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 3: moderate urges ; i watched dumb videos on you-rube to forget that i have to study 24/7
  2. How many times did  i check out this forum? 2
  3. was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no
  4. how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1.1/5
  5. have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  2/5
  6.  
  7. doubted myself today a lot; thought about how i will fail; thought how i will not speak in English proficiently at uni and everyone else will and hey will give me ``the look`` bc i am 19 and i don't speak English perfectly already lol ;
  8. i wish i could go back in time and learn 24/7.
  9. i wish to wake up and all my problems to be solved or gone
  10. i need to fix my sleeping schedule, diet,eating sweets,overeating,to take more care of my plants,to spend more time outside.to study more English 
  11. make your goals more concrete
  12.  
  13. i will go to sleep earlier today. i know i can.
  14. 142 days left/even less
  15. -4130 left of my 20s 
  16. 18-22 posts per page 
  17. important lesson: cauliflower resists in the fridge for more than a week and still looks decent (whereas broccoli is almost yellowish)
  18. i wrote on this side just because i can 
  19.  
  20. vitamins-minerals-banana-fruit-infographics-nutrients-qualitative-vector-illustration-fruits-health-food-57412678.jpg 
Edited by Everyday

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yesterday 

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5

✔️no fap ( i won count the days because i don't see the point in doing so -it`s too stressful; high urges; i used ``edging`` for hours and the next day i was in a state of  lust and temptation -don't use edging.)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ✔️✔️Eating healthy

no ✔️(no) have i  overeat? NO(no, i did not) {no} no ( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌)

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️ 16/30m mind powers whilst listening to jazz. it works!

✔️31/30 meditation ( i meditated in a park. the first 16m where amazing but the rest of it was a struggle(i was thinking that someone will steal my stuff because i had my eyes closed. hAAHAH)

✔️10/10 concentration

✔️studying ( i went to the same coffee shop. i managed to study for less than 40m. i was to tired.)

 ✔️go to sleep at a decent time( yes yes yes! i went to bed at 23.00)

                    +

30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; :  no urges

How many times did  i check out this forum? not at all

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? lol lolo  no

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  2/5

i felt for a second that i am not my mind nor this ego that i am improving nor my brain

Opera Snapshot_2018-05-14_201326_www.youtube.com.png

                  i felt guilty for not studying more

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

May 15th, Tuesday 

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5

✔️no fap ( faint urges in the morning, no urges for the rest of the day)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ have i  overeat? no but i almost ate to much ( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌)

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️10 /30m mind powers

❌0/30 meditation

❌0/10 concentration

✔️studying 4h, same coffee shop, black tea + cinnamon

 ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) i watched stupid videos all night till 5am

✔️ ✔️❌ Eating healthy

  • (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption)
  • (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages
    sosges, processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese)

                       +

  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES;  no urges
  • How many times did  i check out this forum? 2
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  3/5
  • i think i will write these posts in the morning/noon because i have stuff to do and i can afford to roam around here too much . i write them at night but then i feel so much distracted and resistant to go to sleep and therefore i am  prone to waste time on the INTERNET
  • yes
  • less than 10 days till the admission exams for college.
  • 8bd8517853a9309a9e077261af61e957--borat-meme-smile.jpg

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

May 16th, wednesday

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5

✔️no fap (moderate urges; thought of edging again)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️  overeat -i was again one fork away from doing it ( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌)

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️ /30m mind powers

✔️/30 meditation

✔️/10 concentration

✔️studying (same coffee shop,2h, i made a study plan -i have resisting doing one for months).Amazing!

 ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00)

✔️ ✔️ ✔️❌Eating healthy

                      +

  • Eating healthy
  • (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption)
  • (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages
  • , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese)
  •   30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES;   no-no urges
  • How many times did  i check out this forum? 2+?
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes

 

  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  2/5
  • i initiated three small talks with :
    • at the bank with the  consultant/cashier?.  she was quite friendly actually. when i left she even wished me good luck! Amazing! i felt good and she felt good to -i assume)
      • lesson- always start the conversation RIGHT AWAY
    • supermarket cashier
    • at the coffee shop with the barista : she looked sick so i just asked her ``are you sick?``. and she said : ``hehehe i was, now i am recovering``. than the barista-man gave em some a weird look and started talking with her about some stuff. lol 
      • keep being in a positive state . it makes the initiation easier.
      • also, i realized that i first need to push myself by making small talk even if i don't feel like it. and as i speak more and more i get ``in the zone``.

 

  • ``what will my dear readers think of my teenage-preparing-for-college-admission  problems ?``. lol. it just happen to start this journal now. there is no shame in being young and unexperienced and scared and preoccupied with unimportant things 
  •               lol i checked m email today and i saw a message from college reminding me to pay for those exams (apparently tomorrow is the last day when you can pay.lol. i have been preparing for these exams for months and i felt so much resistance and postponed to do this quintessential task. it would be pretty funny to not be able to take them just because i payed paid to late. what a twist would be.
  • though i still feel resistant to read and take action regarding another email 
  •  

images.jpg

Edited by Everyday
NOT !

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Ok, cool :) But I still don't get it: there's actually no sign right next to "I don't overeat" now. So does it mean you did or you didn't?

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@ElenaO  lol i can`t believe we are actually talking about this seriously. i will put an explicit sign next time. 

thank you for your observation though

Edited by Everyday

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May 16th, Wednesday (update)

✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️ 10/30m mind powers (yesterday i did aff and positive self talk so today i i did aff and visualization)

✔️1-3/30 meditation

✔️2/10 concentration

 ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) -went at 2am but i wanted to stay way more 

✔️ ✔️ ❌Eating healthy

 

btw the university was super ok with the fact that i paid for those exams in the last minute and that they`ll receive the money after one or two days. lol 

Opera Snapshot_2018-05-17_211403_www.google.ro.png

8 days till math/chemistry exams

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

                                         May 17th, Thursday 

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5

✔️no fap ( high urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

❌  overeat (my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌)

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌ /30m mind powers

❌/30 meditation

❌/10 concentration

✔️studying  ( i wanted to jump off the window. mathematics  is hard. my brain stopped working)  

 ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) 3am; i didn't even brush my teeth

✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy

     

          +

  • (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption)
  • (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages
  • , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese)
  •  
  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES;  moderate  urges
  • How many times did  i check out this forum? 3-4
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? actually yes , i was bored lately 
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  2/5
  • i felt resistant to put all the pics of my plants today so i divided them in chunks. it seems to work.
  • 7 days till math/chemistry exams

 

  • parsley seedings 

7417417417417.jpg98888888888888888.jpg

 

 

 

  • tomato seedlings 

7117171717.jpg

 

 

lol

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

                                                                             May 18th, Friday 

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily /5

✔️no fap ( high and intense  urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

❌  overeat( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌)

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️13/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️ /30m mind powers

✔️/30 meditation

✔️/10 concentration

✔️studying 

 ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00)

✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy

 

  • (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption)
  • (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages
  • , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese)
  •  
  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES;  high urges; i wanted to watch a movie but i couldn't find it free online. i was lucky 
  • How many times did  i check out this forum? several; 5+
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes....
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2.3/5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  2.3/5
  •  
  • they received the payment. i have 60m to finish for each one of them 
  • i feel  apprehensive about those tests. i even felt like throwing up when i thought how much i have to practice in like 6 days bc i procrastinated for months 
  • 136 days till college -i feel scared. will i be good enough?. also i feel somehow excited a about all the possibilities that are in front of me
  • revelation:
    1.   i can study better if i don't overate.
    2. also water is wet

 

6 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th)

 

 

  • morning glory seedings. i am proud of my work

45272472.jpg

 

4563832.jpg

Edited by Everyday
Sneak 100

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                                                     May 19th, Saturday

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily /5

✔️no fap ( moderate urges; since nofap i get random boners through out the day whereas before this rarely happened)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ yes overeat( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌)

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️15/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️10 /30m mind powers

✔️20/30 meditation

✔️10/10 concentration

✔️studying (coffee shop, 2.35h+)

 ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) 3am

✔️ ✔️ ❌Eating healthy

             +

  • (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption)
  • (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages
  • , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese)
  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES;  no urges
  • How many times did  i check out this forum? many many times
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes. a lot
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics?3 /5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  3/5
  • i did made small talk with 2 people. It made me feel better. Lesson -some people don't want to engage in small talk, move on.

 

 

                   ↓row1:arugula

                                 row2:fennel

                                                  row3:sage

                                                                  row4:tomato seeds i got from someone

                                                                                   row5:tomato seeds i got from my last year production

                                                                                                   row6:parsley       

                                                                                                                  row7-8:morning glories i got from my last year production                  

1717177154755.jpg

  • (April30)Day 1 vs Day 19

981444444444444 lol lol you downloaded this picture ahahahahahh  5d7ac126312b.png

 

  •  fennel deceased seedling. It died in WW2.
  • Lesson: use quality and enough soil from the start!

722422472.jpg

5 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th)

Edited by Everyday

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                          May 20th, Sunday

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.6/5

✔️no fap ( no urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

❌  overeat( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌)

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️5 /30m mind powers affirmation  -``i am studying all day``

✔️9/30 meditation

✔️1/10 concentration

✔️studying (forest fruits tea+ cocoa powder, coffeehouse, 6h!!!!!, taking a stroll around the mall as a break is working! )

 ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00)          4am

✔️ ❌❌Eating healthy (a lot of  pizza,fries)

✔️ 10/30+5observation shamanic breathing - no negative emotion arose, i breath faster and deeper than before, due to the fast movement of my chest and therefore of my body, my dick was moving so i got a boner again, i felt very very cold, i meditated on this album but the songs where to short so it was difficult to fall into trance

  • +
  • (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption)
  • (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages
  • , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese)
  •  
  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES;  no urges
  • How many times did  i check out this forum? 3
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 3/5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  3/5.
  • small talk 2 people
  •  
  •       i wish i was at the beginning of high school again. to waste time. to do nothing all day. to daydream all day how i will magically get what i want and how i will live abroad one day etc. those where the times....
  •      i find in food a way to escape my problems and negative emotions. today i spent a lot of money to eat at the mall. i think that i can let myself to slid a bit till i finish these exams. 
  •       something else happened but i will write about  it next year or during this summer. i thought i was over this negative habit. ``ignorance is bliss``
    •        interesting video(it was recommended by someone on this thread - i cannot find the thread anymore)
      - i decided to take a 1 month off after these exams. after i finished high school i kept studying all summer and than massive burnout+ego backlash hit me in the fall of 2017. I do not want to go through that again.
    •  
    Quote
    •  
    • I did 2 hours a day of do nothing/SDS for a year, and personally found that there wasn't much results due to one factor. My awareness was unfocused. It was going all over the place, to my thoughts one moment and then to a bird the next moment. What changed everything was choosing a point of focus which for me is my heart. I do this because the heart is the first place your soul enters to express itself in physical form. From focusing on your heart you can go into a state of no thoughts easily I have found, find inner guidance, and become tangibly grounded. Have a go!
    • Edited yesterday at 11:26 AM by Solace
    •  
  • like him,i do not feel that i have done progress with the do-nothing technique i am doing it for over a year and i got significant results only in the first 6+months. i will change it with mindfulness meditation . in the summer2017 or fall2017 or next year?
  •  
    • interesting thread. it inspired me to start kundalini yoga next year during summer.
    • this it`s actually the first thread i ever read on this forum. very very inspiring. 
    • yes

 

  • morning glory seedlings.
  • this is WHAT HAPPENS when your pots are to close to a surface which overheats because of the sun. Choose their spot carefully pls

2882452.jpg2427424.jpg

Opera Snapshot_2018-05-20_210157_www.organicfacts.net.png

4 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th)

Edited by Everyday
5357

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✔️pushing  my comfort zone daily 3/5

✔️no fap (no urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️  overeat( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌)

❌no lp course 

✔️❌reading 

✔️14/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️ 5/30m mind powers

✔️10/30 meditation

✔️1/10 concentration

✔️studying (same coffee shop,less than 3h, struggled to study bc of tiredness and stress -though i manged to recap a lot but not all the most difficult problems; felt like throwing up because of stress and worries, forest fruits tea+cocoa powder+cinnamon-----perfection)

 ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00)

✔️ ✔️ ❌Eating healthy

 

  • (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption)
  • (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages
  • , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese)
  • 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES;   no baby 
  • How many times did  i check out this forum?
  •  
  • was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread?
  • how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? /5
  • have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  /5
  • small talk 2 people
  •  i felt guilty for making too much salad at the point at not being able to eat it not even in a few days
  •  
  • always say be to the coffee shop staff. that place is not a cave. be polite.
  • worried massively whether i will find accommodation in NL even if i pass the exams. 
  • also how funny it would be to get hit by a car right before these exams? ahhaha i have been preparing for this for months and puff lol.
  • i have been growing my beard for almost 2 months. i keep it very short because it looks ridiculous when it grows too much -maybe i don't have the genetics to grow a pirate-beard. anyways:, here is a very helpful guide about how to do it thyself.

 

 

  • finally parsley seedlings! How cool is that?

Inkedghhff_klLI.jpg

 

  • NEVER SOW YOUR SEEDS VERY CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER (and never more than 3)
  • (see first cell)
  • SAW  SOW

fuck yo mom.jpg

 

  •                            STUDY PLAN
  • Time to take action on this piece of advice:566666+ww.actualized.org.png
  • I`ll start from tmomorrow
  •  i will start with  2h  -chemistry 
  • than as a break 15m reading from https://www.amazon.com/Hope-They-Serve-Beer-Hell/dp/0141029455/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8  which i read last year and i enjoyed it very much
  • another 2h -math
  • 30m lunch (beetroot, parsnip+carrots, meat)
  • 1h chem
  • 1h math
  • *note* i may actually study less because i have just recently begun to study for long periods of time so it would be wise to take it easy at first 
  • B|

3 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th)

On 5/11/2018 at 1:46 AM, Diane said:

The brain gives you more of what you do, not what you want

 

Edited by Everyday

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