Overcoming Being Nervous

[Kevin Dunlop]

Thats great news, you have made progress thats normal, you wont be stuck for long it seems. I want to say that a person of your age should be epic and know it. Being epic means that you know the tricks and know that if the girl does end up with you shes a really lucky girl. If she makes the mistake of rejecting the opportunity, her loss. If a girl laughs at you or doesnt like you - good. Thats part of normal reality. My wife laughs at me, and at times doesnt like me but every night she still wants to rock! Because she knows she ll love it. Thats what you have to know, how to have something special to offer, when you believe this they will be interested in finging out who this epic master really is.

Edited April 9, 2016 by Kevin Dunlop

[Canadian]

@Kevin Dunlop You know what happens? Once again, I'll repeat it. I always have fun with girls, I often touch them, we have so much fun that we spend hours together. but this everything is never transitioned to make out or sex. It never happens. I don't know why, it ends up with going home after having fun with girls. It's difficult for me to create a situation which will make both of us to start make out or have sex. I don't know where it starts...how it starts...but communication isn't a problem for me anymore...

[Lynnel]

On 06/04/2016 at 8:34 AM, T1r1on said:

Also, be honest. If your nervous tell her. It shows how mature you are. If you go in nervous, but act confident she will notice. Actually most people notice. I can't remember where I heard it, but true maturity is being able to express your emotions honestly. It takes a certain level of courage to show how you feel. And, it shows that you're comfortable with yourself. An example would be, if your nervous; " I'm really nervous, but the thought not of trying to talk to you makes me want to (incert ending)." Just be you when you're actually talking to her.

Never stress that you are nervous because of her because you will appear unattractive. => Say something easy like I've been working a lot lately and kinda forgot how to socialize normally. 

More generally speaking it's such a baseline problem (Canadian is as of today a living proof of it : he solved it after going out for a month at 16) that I'm almost AMAZED at the amout of reaction it generates.

@Canadian Great Job !

Try going for the kiss and look up concepts called :
 

-Escalation
-Leading
-Pulling

Basically :

Once there is enough attraction you kiss the girl.

Then : From there you invite her over or she invites you over somewhere where you can go on having sex. You can use a random excuse such as let's go watch this movie, netflix and chill, or whatever.

Here, proceed to : whilst kissing her, start fingering her, then undressing her, then putting a condom, then having sex.

If she ever says no, back off, for the love of god, and stay at ease. Never be pushy.
Also don't argue on a logical level, simply massage her, talk as usual, bring some drinks or whatever.

What I just said is EXTREMELY robotic but I believe you asked for CLEAR guidelines.

Also, make sure not to make her uncomfortable at any stage but also don't forget to move things forward at the right pace ! Best of luck!

 

[Canadian]

@Lynnel That's 100% exactly what I wanted. I think it is the most helpful comment you've ever written ,(just joking  ) It maybe is robotic but that's what I was asking for a long time... Thank you my friend, nobody has given me such a specific help, appreciate that.I'll go on ant let's see what I can  

[Canadian]

@Lynnel One more question, If I tell the girl to go out, somewhere for a walking or something like that, am I supposed to tell her that I love hero and I want to try a relationship with her? (In fact, I don't want, but I just want to seduce her.) , or am I supposed to say ''you're beautiful '' and try to kiss her? 

I amn't looking for  a long-term relationship. I'm looking for sex, just sex. I wanna have sex with 20-30 girls together  

 

P.S. my English is little bad, so please if you don't understand my question, please be my guest. I can explain it many times

 

Thanks once again

[Steven]

6 hours ago, Canadian said:

I amn't looking for  a long-term relationship. I'm looking for sex, just sex. I wanna have sex with 20-30 girls together

...then be homest and tell her that

...maybe she is after the same thing.

[Canadian]

@Steven tell her that I just wanna have sex with her and that's it?

[Canadian]

@mgi0077 Is it a joke? 

[Lynnel]

12 hours ago, Canadian said:

@Steven tell her that I just wanna have sex with her and that's it?

Good lord no, she's gonna run away. Even if you wanna tell something of the kind, never tell it this way. It's only gonna make her uncomfortable.

 

On 09/04/2016 at 11:32 PM, Canadian said:

@Lynnel One more question, If I tell the girl to go out, somewhere for a walking or something like that, am I supposed to tell her that I love hero and I want to try a relationship with her? (In fact, I don't want, but I just want to seduce her.) , or am I supposed to say ''you're beautiful '' and try to kiss her? 

I amn't looking for  a long-term relationship. I'm looking for sex, just sex. I wanna have sex with 20-30 girls together  

 

P.S. my English is little bad, so please if you don't understand my question, please be my guest. I can explain it many times

 

Thanks once again

You are not supposed to do anything.

But first : never say I love you unless you really love her and it's been some time you've been together. Otherwise she's most likely gonna run away because it feels really weird. Like the guy loves me after one date what is this ?

You can tell her you want a relationship only if you want one and after sex because there is no relationship stricto sensu before the sex.

No you don't have to say she's beautiful. For all the compliments, say them only if you feel like it's true and only after there is enough intimacy, or otherwise she's gonna feel like you're another random guy who is wanting something from her with compliments. That's social conditionning there my friend.

You don't have to try, when you feel the moment is right, simply stop talking, look into her eyes, and lean in.

Also you don't have to fuck 20-30 girls to get some sort of achievement. You seem pretty young so I actually recommend sticking with one girl for some time, because it can be really nice if done properly.

Inquiry as to why you want so many girls

 

[Steven]

48 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

Good lord no, she's gonna run away.

I really doubt this if done with appropriate attitude and without imposing it.

For example if Canadian gets a question in conversation like "...and how many girlfriends did you go out with?" or anything that leads to conversations about relationships/sex world, then I would certainly let the truth flow:

On 4/9/2016 at 5:32 AM, Canadian said:

I amn't looking for  a long-term relationship. I'm looking for sex, just sex. I wanna have sex with 20-30 girls together  

Of course if he just walks up to her and says that out of blue, well that would be concerning.

Now, it is probably wise to look back at the goal of "20-30 girls" and ask the questions - why and pros/cons of that goal when achieved? Frankly, I think it is a pointless goal and has more downside than upside.

 

Edited April 11, 2016 by Steven

[Will]

@Canadian

Try digging down into it..

• define nervousness.. you might say something like.. I get scared to think about talking to them
• What is scared?  ..Afraid you might say the wrong thing and look like an idiot
• What is so bad about looking like an idiot?   .... people will judge me and label me
• what does it mean the wrong thing?   ... When somebody says something incorrect
• When are things not correct?    .... when the reply and the answer are different..

Correct this and refine as you see fit.. its up to you to make it yours..

But youll find that it comes down to your personal boundaries.. i.e. you have none.. you let everyone boss you around..

time to start standing up for what you believe..

Time to start finding things you believe in..

and defending them.. its your life dude!!

[Canadian]

@Lynnel I want so many girls because I love communication with them. I've had sex and I love it. Having a gf is a boring thing for me, that's why I said I want relationship and have sex with many girls, not only one  I find it as one of my goals in my life.

 

@Steven what can be downside of it? We are men, that's why I think It's a part of our lives...I can't see anything bad in it so far...

 

@Will Will thank you for your advice, but I posted it a few weeks ago. Talking to strangers isn't a problem anymore (I had a great progress.)

Now I only need transition to make out and then sex... 

 

 

[Will]

@Canadian there's really two paths for sex and make outs..

to pressure them or push.

To attract them by pulling

push pull is a way of giving them a cheeky funny light comment that challenges and rewards.. Its all about how you exchange value.

You dont just give yourself to anybody..Ever.. If they earn it then you give of yourself.. little bit like fishing.

do it enough times and they will get hooked.. kinda like video games..

However, this can also be judged as manipulative.. Like all things it has to be done correctly in the right manner and with the right timing with plenty of calibration along the way..

In order to do it well you need to have your mindset correct and your life needs to be going in the right direction. You also need to be honest in yourself and to others.. Otherwise. Karma is going to bight you on the ass...

The technique itself is not what attracts the girl it the display of the way you handle conflict and how you resolve situations and demonstrate you have an understanding about composure and self control.. All very attractive things..

[Lynnel]

On 11/04/2016 at 2:07 PM, Steven said:

I really doubt this if done with appropriate attitude and without imposing it.

For example if Canadian gets a question in conversation like "...and how many girlfriends did you go out with?" or anything that leads to conversations about relationships/sex world, then I would certainly let the truth flow:

Of course if he just walks up to her and says that out of blue, well that would be concerning.

Now, it is probably wise to look back at the goal of "20-30 girls" and ask the questions - why and pros/cons of that goal when achieved? Frankly, I think it is a pointless goal and has more downside than upside.

 

Try it. And then come back with the result. Saying something along the lines of I just wanna fuck you is immature, inconsiderate, lacks empathy and will lead only to disastrous results.

Even if you both want only sex framing it this way isn't gonna work.

[Will]

6 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

Saying something along the lines of I just wanna fuck you is immature, inconsiderate, lacks empathy and will lead only to disastrous results.

True that..

pretty rare to catch a fish without bait unless you have it tied up or in a bag..

To be fair though an interaction starts of way before the actual words come out.. done right with prior build up and entitlement you could actually do it but .. yeah.. 

[Roland]

@Lynnel First of all thanks for sharing your experiences with us. 

Before I ask  specific questions I'd first like to describe the state and situation I am currently in. I know it's a long post, but I could imagine that especially nowadays many other people are in at least a similar situation. 

I've recently moved (15 months ago) to a relativly small city (100k citizens) for work reasons. I like my job (PHD student at university) but I can't really figure out how to make it work with women here. I probably should add that I don't really have much of a social circle either. Two years ago I somehow managed to pull a pretty hot girl in a club and we had an amazing sex affair for like 6-7 months, but this made me really complacent and I restartet playing video games and watching porn. I thought if I was able to pull a hot girl once, I will easily be able to do so in future again. In retrospect that was of course ridiculously naive, otherwise I wouldn't have been solo for a bit more than two years now. Anyway, I've pretty much wasted my first 12 months here, because I was either working or playing video games on the weekends. I've stopped the video games for 4 months now and I actually don't even miss them, but I kinda realize that I am in quite a bad spot with "living in a town for one year and still not having anyone to go out with". I must add though, that I generally don't feel depressed or lonely and I also don't want to "waste time" with friend circles I don't consider as valuable or inspirational. I guess if I had stayed in my own town (which was at least a big city) I also would have had to build a new social circle, so I don't really care too much. Work colleagues are nice but most of them already have a family and the "intereset gap" is simply too high. I am 27, consider myself actually quite good looking (doing 3-4 times sports during the week) and I really don't think of myself as a social misfit, although I gradually realize that I seriously have to catch up on a few things here. Even when practially staying at home for like 12 months, there were like four or five situations I could swear I was receiving an inviting smile from some gorgeous girl (the two times I was visiting a party /club) but I neither had the balls nor the practice/knowledge to do anything about it. I am into this actualization stuff for quite a long time now (4 months) and I am still really positive about it, but I really lack practice in this whole dating stuff. Some of my specific questions are:

1.) Night time: How would it look like? Should I even start going out alone in the evening in such a small town or will it be too suspicious once people realize that this "guy" is always wandering alone through nightlife. Here are also no big clubs. There's literally only one or two rooms in most clubs or bars and once I've entered and don't make something happen within the first 5 minutes (e.g. starting a positive converastion with somebody new) it's kinda game over. It's also not that anonymous as in a big city, where you can literally meat new people all the time. But, I would have the opportunity to drive to a large city on the weekends at least.

2.) Day time: How am I supposed to deal with the "relativly" small volume situation. I know it easily comes across like an excuse, but I am somehow afraid that I will blow my moment, once I make myself visible to everybody. It similar to the nighttime situation. I also can't really imagine places where I would meet a lot of women. Of course I can enter some sports club (which I already did) but the volume ofcourse here is relativly low and I can't keep switching sports clubs every two weeks.

3.) How important is the social circle to be successful at this and can i get better at this completly on my own? I know building up a social circle is also really important and I am really working on this, but as I already mentioned I don't want to have "just some friends". Before stupidly drinking alcohol somewhere and talking shit I'd rather sit at home to be honest. I know this is quite judgemental but I really don't feel like making any progress with this normal "socializing". Anyway, I am working on this, but I would prefer getting better with women "simultanously" instead of first having to build up a social circle and so on.

4.) How would a practice routine  in this situation look like?

Of course I realize that somebody experienced wouldn't have any problems with the issues mentioned above, but I feel like it's a rather bad starting situation for practicing. On the other hand I have seen so many beautiful girls with ugly boyfriends here that I sometimes even wonder if it's not actually easier to hook up with some cute girl in a small city. 

I also should mention that I just want to get on a decent level where I can at least handle those situations, when some beautiful girl smiles at me, so that I miss less opportunities and where I can have some intimacy again, be it an affair or a serious relationship. I wouldn't even have the time because work/research is priority number one. That's why I would already be satisfied with a moderate advancement in this direction, let's say some girlfriend or affair in 2016.

And one last question just out of couriosity:

5.) What is the success rate for an experienced PUA for having sex with a girl he approaches. I was just wondering, because maybe I would have to consider my career path again ...  

Regards,

Roland

PS: Damn this was supposed to go into the "general faq"-thread. Can this be deleted and moved elsewhere?

 

Edited April 17, 2016 by Roland

[Lynnel]

1 hour ago, Roland said:

PS: Damn this was supposed to go into the "general faq"-thread. Can this be deleted and moved elsewhere?

Just copy paste it there and we'll act as if nothing happened