How To Make Tough Choices

[Sarah Marie]

How do I know when I am making a choice out of fear vs what I actually want?

I know I am the only one who can decide what's best for me, but what questions should I be asking myself to help me figure out what I actually want vs what I'm doing out of fear? 

 

[mathewrockz]

I always follow what my heart says and do it. It can be difficult sometimes but it is worth it. 

Try to look at the bigger picture, not what is temporary. Figure out what you want in the longer run and weed out things that does not bring any value to you. 

[TheFrown]

Don't think there is a sure fire way to answer this one.

What I do is check to see exactly what I am afraid of. Is it a fear for my immediate safety? Is it fear of loss for something I value? Is it more of a nebulous fear?

Unless its a fear for your immediate safety its probably bullshit. Of course knowing that and overcoming your fear is two very different things. A wise green guy once said "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to loose." There is wisdom in that.

However at the end of the day its a judgement call. Trust yourself.

 

 

[Sarah Marie]

@mathewrockz That's the problem I can't identify what's my ego, heart, right, wrong. 

[Sarah Marie]

@TheFrown Thanks. Right now I am kind of just waiting until I get some clarity and can think about everything that I need too before making a harder choice. 

I know Leo says always go with the most painful choice, but either choice is painful in different ways.

[TheFrown]

1 minute ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

@TheFrown Thanks. Right now I am kind of just waiting until I get some clarity and can think about everything that I need too before making a harder choice. 

I know Leo says always go with the most painful choice, but either choice is painful in different ways.

Well if its not time sensitive give yourself a day to think on it.

The unfortunate part is there might not be a right or wrong answer.

Best of luck.

[Argue]

Seek what gives you the most pleasure. Transfer from pain to pleasure. Your brain can't refuse it. 

[Sarah Marie]

4 minutes ago, Argue said:

Seek what gives you the most pleasure. Transfer from pain to pleasure. Your brain can't refuse it. 

This is super helpful thank you.

[Sarah Marie]

@Argue How do I tell the difference between comfort and pleasure?

[Jay Brown]

@Sarah_Flagg go for the greater cause, always 

[Sarah Marie]

@Jay Brown Greater cause of society and the world? Or my son and family?

I am sure the world would benefit more if I leave my husband, go into the woods and study until I master my natural talents to make a difference. 

But my son would suffer, that may be a greater cause.

I guess it depends on my values right?

I know exactly what my values are.

The first is Self-actualization and the second is family. 

[Ayla]

@Sarah_Flagg

This might be a clear sign for you to begin asking who is that "I" that needs to make a decision. You are in a situation where you have made up some stories in your mind and you are identifying yourself with them. So none of them choices feel like your own truth because they are not. They are just constructions of mind. From the position of a story, you can only go back or forward into more story. 

Search the "I". Who is the awareness of this? How does that one look like? Does it have a form? Does it know choices? Is it ever unsure? 

 

[Sarah Marie]

2 minutes ago, Ayla said:

@Sarah_Flagg

This might be a clear sign for you to begin asking who is that "I" that needs to make a decision. You are in a situation where you have made up some stories in your mind and you are identifying yourself with them. So none of them choices feel like your own truth because they are not. They are just constructions of mind. From the position of a story, you can only go back or forward into more story. 

Search the "I". Who is the awareness of this? How does that one look like? Does it have a form? Does it know choices? Is it ever unsure? 

 

I am trying to follow you. I am, I feel like I understand what you're saying but translating it into the shit I need to get done is hard.

I don't exsist

I have non exsisting emotions

I'm living a fake reality

I get it, but how do I translate this into my day to day? I, whatever or whoever I am has to raise a son. So even if he and I don't exist as I see it, I have to make some sort of choice.

 

[Ayla]

Just now, Sarah_Flagg said:

I am trying to follow you. I am, I feel like I understand what you're saying but translating it into the shit I need to get done is hard.

I don't exsist

I have non exsisting emotions

I'm living a fake reality

I get it, but how do I translate this into my day to day? I, whatever or whoever I am has to raise a son. So even if he and I don't exist as I see it, I have to make some sort of choice.

 

From personal experience, in situations like this, I stay still. No external movements need to take place. Difficult choices are coming to us to wake us up to the truth of who we really are and live from there, instead of from personhood. 

So, no external changes for now. It would be asking for yet more drama. 

[Sarah Marie]

@Ayla perfect, this is my method. Sit and just sit. 

[Phrae]

@Ayla how does that really help her? She still wants to know the decision that she should take. She might have a false construction of who she is but is there really a true construction? Aren't all constructions false?

Isn't making a choice in itself about matching the ego needs?

[Ayla]

Just now, Phrae said:

Isn't making a choice in itself about matching the ego needs?

Yes. 

So I am giving her a sure way to never have to deal with that again  

Mind tells you that you NEED to make a choice... that's going deeper and deeper into unnecessary drama. When you have found the authentic "I", there will be no more decisions. Just life.

[Guest]

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[Argue]

@Sarah_Flagg

The differences between comfort and pleasure

Comfort causes you to feel less worried, upset, frightened. 

For example: 

• You feel comfort when your son is safe asleep.
• You feel comfort when the bills are paid in full.
• You feel comfort when the plane has landed safely, etc. 

Pleasure causes satisfaction, a feeling of enjoyment, or something that causes a feeling of happiness. 

For example: 

• You feel satisfied eating a box of chocolates.
• You feel enjoyment when you're acting silly with your dog. 
• You feel happy when your watching a comedy stand up. 

In short, comfort brings you less worry. Pleasure gives you excitement, joy, love, and happiness. 

P.S. However, too much pleasure can be a bad thing. But I digress. 

[Sarah Marie]

Just now, Ayla said:

Yes. 

So I am giving her a sure way to never have to deal with that again  

Mind tells you that you NEED to make a choice... that's going deeper and deeper into unnecessary drama. When you have found the authentic "I", there will be no more decisions. Just life.

But how do you accomplish anything here? Just say you have no free will and surrender?

In theory I understand. How to live that I don't understand.

Im so tired of not knowing who I am or what construction I am. It's like I know Im living a false reality, I know emotions are from ego, I know all these things. I don't know how to live these things and not make life choices. 

They say to stay authentic to yourself and who you are. I try but I still don't know who I am, when I get to trying to really figure it out I think, I am actually no one anyways I am just a bunch of nothingness. How do I find "I" if "I" don't even exsist.