Working towards the end goal.

[spicy_pickles]

I’ll say it - I don’t have the confidence and/or balls to up and leave my current relationship even though I’m unhappy, and know there’s a better life out there for me. 

But, when I decided that I was done with it (several months ago), it initiated some change inside of me. I found myself able to set boundaries. I found myself taking better care of myself. I found myself acting and feeling like I was already in that incredible life, and my partner was simply another person (not a romantic partner).

The other thing I implemented for the first time in my life was smart money management. This is because I need to save up for a place of my own. I’m about 60% there and I just started about two months ago. Massive saving program. 

My question is, is it still possible to be in this relationship for the time being and work on growth and work on improving myself?  I feel as though the only way is to flat up and leave, even if I’m broke, even if I have no game plan, and then worry about “fixing” myself later. 

[Joseph Maynor]

Keep doing the personal development stuff no matter what.  As you do that, eventually you will make the right decision.

[spicy_pickles]

@Joseph Maynor thank you. I’ve heard so many different opinions as to what I should do, why I shouldn’t do things, etc. 

Through my very own personal development work, I feel as though I am learning how to be aware and how to face my emotions. I’m learning how to do the shadow work. I’m learning how to set boundaries. I’m actively doing the work. 

I truly feel I will make the right decision at the right time. 

[spicy_pickles]

@Shiva I did what felt right. I did just that. 

Maybe if you lined up 10 people, 9 of them would say I did the wrong thing or didn’t say the right thing. Maybe I should have done this or that. Who knows. 

At the end of the day, I did what felt right at this point in time. Not what’s right tomorrow. Not what’s right three years from now. I did what I felt was right at this moment. 

I learned from it. As my therapist said, sometimes, when we are working on ourselves and exposing our weaknesses, we need practice. Think of what you are doing as practice. It might not be ideal, but it’s practice. 

So true. 

[SOUL]

@spicy_pickles Your healing is right now, your peace(happiness/joy/fulfillment) is right now. As long as you don't intend to hurt anyone else even though you can't control whether someone feels hurt, it's not really a matter of what's right or wrong. Do what you have to do to realize that healing, to be that peace.

It's not all that beneficial to see yourself as broken, that's the healing that I refer to, it's not broken, just evolving and being at peace with where you are at presently even if you are working on yourself. It's kind of a paradox to be contented with present state of being and working on ourselves simultaneously but that's the way it is. We cannot cease to change, it's inevitable, although we can have influence with the change that happens, that's the work we do.

I also found myself in a relationship I realized wasn't one to last too much longer but I stayed in it because I thought that the peace I had could be part of the process that they needed to heal their own suffering. Not saying that's like your situation but what I learned is that I cannot help someone do something they didn't want for themselves and in the mean time the peace I had was tested.

I still had the peace in mind but the stress manifested in other ways in my body, I wasn't as healthy, all sorts of nagging ailments. My finances and home life were hindered, too. At the time I thought this was just a way to see if I really could be at peace regardless of the ups and downs of life, it's inner peace after all, not dependent on external circumstance but eventually I had to move on, it just wasn't healthy.

I cannot advise you to stay or go, how long or soon or what to do about it but will say do keep to your inner work and find peace now... be at peace right now in this moment, every moment. The details of the how it works out will reveal themselves in time and if you are doing the inner work you will recognize them in that moment.

Peace.

[spicy_pickles]

@SOUL thank you for this post. 

I feel as though this has been my state as of late - peace. I know for a fact that my peace cannot help the person I’m with. I’ve tried, and it got me frustrated when I failed. I then realized the only person I can focus on is myself. Therefore, I am focusing on MY inner peace and MY development in spite of everything around me.