Fixing The Source Of The Problem

[spicy_pickles]

I’ve come to the realization that I lack self confidence and don’t really truly love myself.  

For now, working with my therapist has hit somewhat of a dead-end, because I initially went to her to discuss my relationship issues.  Well, I know exactly what’s going on there now.  I also found support on another forum regarding the issues with my relationship and my partner.  Again, there’s absolutely no sense in beating a dead horse.  I know what’s going on.  I’ve confined in friends, however I feel as though they were giving me advice (albeit probably with good intentions) that just wasn’t fitting with where I was mentally and emotionally.  

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to focus solely on myself - self confidence, self love, etc.  There is absolutely no way I will be successful if I don’t get right to the source of all of this first, and begin work there.  I’ve realized that I’ve always had issues in this category, which explains a lot.  I’m fully to blame, and I’m ready to make the changes.

If anyone has advice, maybe some of Leo’s videos I can start with, some books, activities I can do, etc., I’d appreciate it.  

Thanks 

 

 

[YaNanNallari]

Leo has a good video called the power of self acceptance. You can also search Shinzen Young - Creating positive feel from youtube to understand a slighty different approah.

[BjarkeT]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFrR0cGWnac&t=175s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofqueTp0Sg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcNGtZPPSS8&t=1530s

I recommend reading the road less traveled by scott m peck if you haven't already   

hope you can use it

Edited November 20, 2017 by BjarkeT

[haai14]

no fap, meditation, solo walking (without music just you whit you), affirmations, visualisation, cold showers and thru out the day just try to switch from your normal bad thinking patterns to better ones (say nice things to yourself). Just doing hard things alone will get you confidence.

[Nahm]

@spicy_pickles when you say you don’t love yourself, don’t you mean you don’t love the thoughts you keep repeating about yourself?

[spicy_pickles]

@Nahm I’m not sure. I guess there are times I think I’m in a very pathetic spot in my life, and other times I’m glad at how I’m progressing. 

It always seems that during the day I’m happy with the decisions I’ve made, the goals I’ve set, etc. Then, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night feeling depressed, thinking I should be doing something different, thinking I’m not moving fast enough towards my goals, lacking motivation for just about everything. I’ll fall asleep again, and wake up feeling better. 

[Nahm]

@spicy_pickles you’re issue is with what you’re doing & not doing, but you’re making it about what you are. That is shooting yourself in the foot as far as doing what you want to be doing. Try to make that distinction a habit. 

[spicy_pickles]

@Nahm so in other words, focus on what I am doing as opposed to the lack of things I’m not doing?

The things I’m not doing are going to happen eventually, it’s just that certain things need to be on place first. So, focus on the fact I’m working and taking action. 

[Nahm]

@spicy_pickles no. I’m saying don’t identify. You don’t have a problem of lacking anything. You have a problem with not making the distinction that is just a thought. Listen to things about confidence, of course do the practices, etc. Probably what you’re going to do anyways - but while very subtle - the distinction is powerful. You are more powerful than you’re aware of. You are so much bigger than you are aware of. Want to be more aware of those qualities - choose your thoughts more carefully. Reinforce your confidence. Don’t reinforce a lack of confidence. It’s all made up. It’s only in your head, so you have complete control over it. Don’t think otherwise or you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot and it only amounts to procrastination. You can do what you can dream you can do, and no one can stop you - but yourself. So get out of the way. 

[spicy_pickles]

@Nahm - thank you!  Perfectly understood this time.