I Can't Be Bothered To Socialize More.

[Alexo45]

Hello,

it's been a year and a half since i had real friends where i used to spend a lot of time with ( movies, partying,...).
A lot of stuff happened, and i basically started going out with them less and less until i couldn't be bothered hanging out with them anymore. It was a hard decision to make back then, since it left me all by myself. Looking back at it now, it was the best decision i've ever made, because it led me into self-development. The first months were really hard, and i felt very lonely,miserable and depressed. As the months went by and my inner work continued, i started to accustom being by myself. It's been 2 years, and at this point i'm very confident being by myself, not needing anyone around me. I'm enjoying the time alone and i prefer it over socializing, doing whatever i want without having to rely on anyone. My days are filled with reading, meditating, exercising, looking for a job ( unemployed atm ),... 

The only real social activities that i have going for me at the moment is going to the gym, grocery, library and i don't really have long conversations with people over there. Of course i have some small talk, but besides that i don't hangout with anyone. 

The reason i decided to write this down, is because somehow i feel a pressure that i have to find friends/girlfriend, but i don't even know why, i think it's socially conditioned. The thought of pushing myself out there with the goal of finding friends i something that i don't really like, since i want stuff like this to happen spontaneously. I don't want to pressure myself just for the sake of it. I also feel that friendships or relationships are going to rob too much of my time, which i can spent better on other stuff. 

I'm also writing this down because i've had some occasions where i could have talked to girls at my gym, but simply didn't do it because i didn't care. They were obvious occasions, where they would smile at me and stare me down as i continued my workout. Looking back at it now, it's kind of crazy how far a girl goes to grab some of your attention if you show her you don't care. 2 years ago i would have gone mad about situations like this, because the only thing on my mind would have been sex, but then again i wouldn't get these kind of occasions. 

I'm wondering if someone has the same thing going on for them, after having started to self-actualize?

 

[PretentiousHuman]

@Alexo45 You're not alone my friend. We had a lot like going except i have a girlfriend. After I have followed most of Leo's videos way back 2014 if Im correct, I went down being comfortable being alone by myself. I still have the company of my big family and my gf and some close friends but I love being with myself more. Moving forward on self-actualization or enlightenment, I can see the bullshit of the society in the whole spectrum. So I kinda avoid and socialization if possible and be in my daily routine of meditation instead. And I wanna get more in tuned with people doing spirituality like this forum.

[Spiral]

@Alexo45 Well I do still socialize but it's getting harder especially with all the growth I've had. I never find anyone I really feel like I have something in common with.

Now I would not stop hanging out completely, but to be honest spending time with other people is kinda a waste of time. Romantic partners have some potential I guess.

In one evening of partying you can achieve a lot of things especially if you can include the morning after. Sure it can be fun but there is no real benefit long term.

[liquid]

How do you spend your day? How much do you meditate? Do you never feel lonely? Or do you handle your loneliness by watching movies, series etc? I'm just curious because I feel that I need people around me but It's hard to find friends with the same interest as me, everybody just likes to party or escape reality some how. I've started to find some people with common interests but I'm finding it hard to get close and really bound.

[Spence94]

Same here. i spent my teenage years drinking and partying like most British Teens do, nowadays its not what i am into, i partied it out. I travel, i live in other places, people come and go. I enjoy my company and interacting with people that come my way, it leads to more enjoyable moments for me. However i cant stand socialising for socialising sake. There is definitly cultural and social pressure for that. Im always prodded to socialise, activley hunt down new friends and find a 'circle'. Ive tried that many times, it yields shit results for me. one of the pitfalls of self actualized choice, become unique and i see through so much bullshit in people and culture and behaviour its hard for me. Now i only wanna surround myself with likeminded people or those with there own passion and purpose. Dont feel you have to 'find friends' or go out and just socialise, do your thing man,but persue your vision buy get out the house as well. Follow a hobby/passion, interact with people as much as you feel inclined and interested, be genuine, stay connected to the world but in your own way of staying connected, not how you are expected to be.

[JayVesper]

Its like you took the words right out of my mouth. It’s nice to see people with similar struggles and concerns. This is definitely something I have been dealing with as I realized if I don’t breakaway from the herd I’ll never grow. I made a choice about 10 years ago when I was 25 ... since then I’ve made leaps and bounds in terms of career and life successes. But I have to say it’s been a lonely journey most of the time. I wish I could find friendships and relationships that encourages, supports and build each other up more. Often times I find I can never have deep conversations with people ... and they are often intimidated or feel threatened if you discuss anything that challenges their reality. They’d rather party and get drunk. Still not sure what to do about it right now but it’s my goal / focus next year to try and figure this out now that I’ve gotten my life purpose nailed down this year (with Leo’s program). Maybe look for people who are more spiritually awakened. Good luck mate.

And if anyone has figured this out, please respond

Edited December 3, 2017 by JayVesper

[JohnnyK]

Hey! I know this thread is a little outdated, but I'm still trying my luck here. Currently, my biggest problem is to find people to talk to about deeper topics, so I'm trying this forum.

However, for me it is different, as I have had thoughts on a variety of topics dealing with personal development and spirituality as well as simple feelings. I do not feel a social pressure to socialize with others, it's more that I actively want to interact with other people with a comparable consciousness and mindset which I cannot seem to achieve. This is because I am tired of thinking only for myself and writing self-reflecting documents on my PC. I really wish to exchange opinions about these topics but at the same time do not seem to have someone to talk to. 

Is anyone interested in a conversation? Or, alternatively, have you found a way to deal with a lack of like-minded people around you? 

[Shin]

15 minutes ago, JohnnyK said:

Is anyone interested in a conversation? Or, alternatively, have you found a way to deal with a lack of like-minded people around you? 

You can also engage in the forum discussion.

No one will bite you here, we are all there to help each other  

[Alba]

On 16/10/2017 at 4:01 PM, liquid said:

How do you spend your day? How much do you meditate? Do you never feel lonely? Or do you handle your loneliness by watching movies, series etc? I'm just curious because I feel that I need people around me but It's hard to find friends with the same interest as me, everybody just likes to party or escape reality some how. I've started to find some people with common interests but I'm finding it hard to get close and really bound.

I feel that there's a lot to talk around this topic. I've been kind of isolate too, since a few years ago, I don't think that self-development is the reason but I do feel the same things, like; a lot of ppl have really bad habits (talking too much,criticizing, drinking too much, etc.). But I was taking distance from ppl before I was on this path for various reasons, mostly for my relationship, then become a habit.

The thing is I feel I need to at least talk to ppl, make some friends that I cherish, but I prevent that to happen, I think sometimes is just too scary to be around ppl. I fear ppl will ppl will hurt me with critizicism and stuff. I think i have to work harder to care less about those things bc i really believe that it will be nice to have a few friends i can count with and that bring something nutritive to my life. I have those but only in whatsapp, bc they where my friends when i was a teenage.

This two vids are kind of a warring, one is a study on longevity and shows how ppl can live long when they have ppl to count with. The other is about a study on happiness that  shows that the one thing ppl need the most to have a good life is to be sorrounded by high quality friends or something like that. 

Sorry for my english btw...