eskwire

Trip Report: 10 Day Vipassana Retreat

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WOW WHAT AN EXPERIENCE.

This report will have spoilers and I warn you now - many of the people there were grateful that they walked into the retreat with no expectations. I was also grateful to have no expectations. If you want to keep the air of mystery, don't read this.

The Program: The 10 day free retreats put on by Dhamma centers are thoroughly organized and expertly executed with a gradual, methodical introduction to the technique. I was inspired and uplifted to see a non-profit create and spread something so effective and so selfless. Do not let the "retreat" part fool you. This is like meditation bootcamp. 100 hours starting early AF in the morning.

The Technique: If you are like me, you have dabbled in many meditation techniques, particularly those outlined by Leo. This technique will remind you of meditations you've probably done - but you likely have not done it specifically this way, and especially not to this degree. If you are a "space cadet" type person (I am), you need to do this technique. It is rooted in concentration and observation. You need this style of meditation to balance yourself in life. If you were interested in Buddhism and read about "clinging and aversion" - and you got it intellectually - now you get it for real. 

It fucking hurts: and nobody who ever recommended this to me mentioned this. I don't know if people keep that aspect of it hush hush so as not to scare anyone off, but it fucking hurts. It hurts to sit on a meditation cushion with your back straight for such long hours. I was used to meditating on a couch. It also hurts due to the physical manifestation of changes in the psyche. I am not kidding. This shirt hurts. It is supposed to hurt at times and feel amazing at other times. That is an integral part of the technique teaching you to ride the waves of pain and pleasure in life with stoic equanimity. I am not sure I could have done this without going through the process of getting a black belt - I used to be a total crybaby. Most people stayed and finished the course. Most people can get through it, so don't let that scare you.

You Dump the Garbage: This intensive introduction to the technique retrains your mind. You are ripping up the carpet and floorboards in your mind house to lay down something new - equanimity. You will be amazed by how much you forgive and forget in the first few days of this program. It has an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind effect. It was like destroying memories by destroying old mind patterns. If you ever wanted to cut out pieces of your brain that seem to keep fucking with you, this is the place to do it. As a person who holds onto the past with the jaws of life, this was a miracle for me, and I am eternally grateful. I was amazed by how much of a dirtbag asshole I was! Once my mind cleared up, I could see how much my mind was infected with lust, wrath, vanity, and power hunger. I was such an asshole and I had no idea. 

Wizards!: I am trying not to egoically cling to the newfound abilities I have from learning this skill. I can make electricity shoot through my body at will. I totally see how people can give themselves an orgasm with their minds. I did not try this while I was there out of respect for the rules, but I see how it can be done. Doing so much meditation, in the effective way they teach it, is incredibly powerful. My creativity returned - I had dozens of cool ideas for businesses, programs, Twitter accounts, etc. Of course, everyone's experience is different.

Community: You are allowed to speak on the 10th day to reintroduce you to society and the other people there were wonderful. In my bunk area, we developed an amazing sense of camaraderie despite the days of silence. We had dreams about each other and got to know each other - feeling each other's energy and experiencing living with each other without any words getting in the way. In areas with many people who have completed these retreats, they offer "group sits" on a weekly basis. I am about to move to Seattle and am hopeful that I will connect with fellow meditators. 

Enlightenment: Toward the end, it is time to experience a "dissolve" into universal vibrations. I did experience this for a few seconds (I believe it was a few seconds, who knows). It was like an experience I had earlier this year of being alive with nothing in the way, which I took to be an enlightenment experience. I do think this technique can be used for enlightenment if done properly.

Takeaways: I have been bouncing around in meditation and personal development for the past year or so. I had fallen into a deep despair after losing my egoic sense of direction to "help people" that had been motivating me in my life previously - to get a degree in a helping field, to help heal my family, to give and give and give of myself at work. I had been achieving goals and having major breakthroughs, but was also drinking heavily to self-medicate. I was in emotional and physical pain. During this retreat, my attachment to alcohol disappeared. I feel a sense of direction again by surrendering myself to this path and placing this practice above all else in importance. I forgave many people, I released shame. I realized what I want in a relationship. I feel focused and grounded. I feel grateful. I feel compassion for the suffering of others. 

I drove 11 hours to my retreat, so please don't let distance stop you - there are also rideshares. All I can ultimately say is that I recommend it. There was a 4 year gap between hearing about it and going. Maybe you won't go this year, but, never forget that you can

https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/locations/directory


nothing is anything

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Awesome.  Great to hear another good Vipassana experience.  Very motivating for my upcoming second 10 day retreat at the SW Vipassana center here in December.  I'm planning on fasting for 11 days for this next one (even though technically it's against the rules :P)

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9 minutes ago, username said:

@Heart of Space Are you experienced with fasting?

Somewhat.  I've done several 3 day fasts and one 4 day fast.  This one will be the longest, but I think I can handle it ok.  

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@Heart of Space Well, just be safe. If I were you, I'd maybe wait until I had more experience with both retreats and longer fasts.

I've found that making things harder doesn't always lead to better results. Sometimes it just makes thing hard, :P . 

One time, I took a month off from work for a solo retreat, but I could only handle a week of serious work before I needed to stop lest I destabilize. I had to spend the other couple of weeks reading and relaxing.

Of course, I'm not trying to do your thinking for you, but that sounds like too big of a jump too fast, imo.  Have you considered doing an 11 day fast on your own in a more relaxed environment than a harcore retreat and getting more experiences with retreats normally?

Those rules are typically in place for a good reason. So be safe! 

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3 minutes ago, username said:

@Heart of Space Well, just be safe. If I were you, I'd maybe wait until I had more experience with both retreats and longer fasts.

I've found that making things harder doesn't always lead to better results. Sometimes it just makes thing hard, :P . 

One time, I took a month off from work for a solo retreat, but I could only handle a week of serious work before I needed to stop lest I destabilize. I had to spend the other couple of weeks reading and relaxing.

Of course, I'm not trying to do your thinking for you, but that sounds like too big of a jump too fast, imo.  Have you considered doing an 11 day fast on your own in a more relaxed environment than a harcore retreat and getting more experiences with retreats normally?

Those rules are typically in place for a good reason. So be safe! 

Your concern is valid.  Making it hard to the point where it takes away from my ability to properly meditate is definitely a concern of mine.  There is definitely a possibility that this could go poorly for me.  

In terms of safety, an eleven day fast is pretty safe from a health stand point, so I'm not too concerned there.  At worst, I risk getting a less effective use of the retreat.  I am open to that being a possibility.  But know that I'm taking it very seriously and am going to prepare myself all the way up to the retreat so that I'm as ready as I possibly can be.   

It's somewhat ambitious, but I am willing to take risks for the potential reward.  

Whatever happens I will share my results honestly. :)

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@Heart of Space Also since there's food provided (I'm assuming) you can always change your mind if you feel like it's too extreme.  Good luck, can't wait to read it.

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