A Question On My Meditation Experience.

[John]

Hey folks,

Have been meditating consistently every day for over a year now and have one or two queries that I'd like to post here.

More and more I catch my consciousness being consumed by thought. The thought arises, I get wrapped up in it, but then right after I am able to reflect and say "Wow, how intimately I got caught up with that thought just now!"

It feels like I am releasing more and more from thought..

But after all, the words "Wow, how intimately I got caught up with that thought just now!" are just thoughts right?! Sometimes I avoid this rabbit hole and just rest in the sensations of my body and the air around me, but it does leave me wondering how to know when I am truly resting in awareness. I don't feel the spaciousness, the stillness that Eckhart Tolle talks about. Is there some other feelings or something that i haven't shined the light of awareness on that is restritcting me from entering fully into the now?

I realise this question was long winded and quite confused, but hopefuly someone out there might have experienced something similar.

Cheers,

John

[Jan Odvarko]

 

1 hour ago, John said:

but it does leave me wondering how to know when I am truly resting in awareness.

To me it almost seems mutually exclusive. However do you actually need to know in the first place?

Quote

I don't feel the spaciousness, the stillness that Eckhart Tolle talks about. Is there some other feelings or something that i haven't shined the light of awareness on that is restritcting me from entering fully into the now?

From what you're saying @John I get the impression you're expecting to experience spaciousness and stillness. Maybe it would help to let go of these expectations and accept whatever comes? Just my 2 cents.

Edited February 22, 2016 by Jan Odvarko

[Azrael]

2 hours ago, John said:

Is there some other feelings or something that i haven't shined the light of awareness on that is restritcting me from entering fully into the now?

Yes, there is a lot more then body sensations and thought. The thing is, you cannot simply sense awareness as you want. You have to give yourself some time. From my experience these deeper realizations and this delving into reality kind of happens very spontaneously and randomly. I cannot force it and I also meditate for a good year now. You can probably be awareness consciously if you have seen through the illusion but this also happens spontaneously.

So, just go on and give yourself some time and enough practice. You will definitely feel when you enter some deeper territory. Trust me, you will. It's like, when you begin to cry begin because it is so nice to just breath air, then you know that you're going deeper (this actually happened once to me).

Cheers to you and keep it on!

[John]

Wow, thanks guys.

Perhaps my question stems from a fear that unless I consciously feel this 'stillness' and ground myself in it, I remain vulnerable to falling down one of the egos many rabbit holes and not being able to find my way back, getting stuck in it's stories and beliefs..

 

[Azrael]

8 minutes ago, John said:

Perhaps my question stems from a fear that unless I consciously feel this 'stillness' and ground myself in it, I remain vulnerable to falling down one of the egos many rabbit holes and not being able to find my way back, getting stuck in it's stories and beliefs..

Yeah, I know this fear. Had it a long time as well. What was game-changing for me was one meditation in which I inquired very deeply the question "What is my next thought?" and I had this deep realization that I am not in control of that. Really, not even a little bit. But that there is just a stream of consciousness and the feeling of "I" is just a by-product of that.

If this sounds confusing maybe watch Leo's video about Free Will. if you investigate that deeply you can find some great wisdom that will erase that fear because in the end... there is nothing what you could do about it (even if it looks that way on the surface)  

[Guczo]

I had similar problem. To me helpful in understanding why I stucked with this "Enlightenment process" was information from book written with big clarity on the subject. In my case, this whole seeking for self-transcendence was mostly playing myself and still being confused in duality. Some experiences that I had was powerful, like being present and free from thoughts not for few moments  but for longer periods of time but attachment to this experience is blind alley. Permanent Cessation of thoughts never arrived, the more Enlightenment  Nevertheless, I've gained new approach to address this stuff.

Few quotes from Sam Harris Book "Waking up. A guide to spirituality without religion."

"(...)most of this effort arose from the very illusion of bondage to the self that I was
seeking to overcome. The model of this practice is that one must climb the mountain so that
freedom can be found at the top. But the self is already an illusion, and that truth can be
glimpsed directly, at the mountain’s base or anywhere else along the path. One can then return
to this insight, again and again, as one’s sole method of meditation—thereby arriving at the goal
in each moment of actual practice.This isn’t merely a matter of choosing to think differently about the significance of
mindfulness. It is a difference in what one is able to be mindful of. Dualistic mindfulness—
paying attention to the breath, for instance—generally proceeds on the basis of an illusion: One
feels that one is a subject, a locus of consciousness inside the head, that can strategically pay
attention to the breath or some other object of awareness because of all the good it will do. This
is gradualism in action."

So when I started practicing meditation it was also gradual approach,

"Gradualism is the natural starting point for any search, spiritual or otherwise. Such goal-oriented modes of practice have the virtue of being easily taught, because a person can begin them without having had any fundamental insight into the nature of consciousness or the illusoriness of the self. He need only adopt new patterns of attention, thought, and behavior, and the path will unfold before him."

Now, I'm focused on teachings like Vedanta

"The whole of Advaita reduces to a series of very simple and testable assertions:Consciousness is the prior condition of every experience; the self or ego is an illusory appearance within it; look closely for what you are calling “I,” and the feeling of being a separate self will disappear; what remains, as a matter of experience, is a field of consciousness—free, undivided, and intrinsically uncontaminated by its ever-changing contents."

and Practice of Dzogchen

"The practice of Dzogchen requires that one be able to experience the intrinsic selflessness of awareness in every moment (that is, when one is not otherwise distracted by thought)—which is to say that for a Dzogchen meditator, mindfulness must be synonymous with dispelling the illusion of the self. Rather than teach a technique of meditation—such as paying close attention to one’s breathing—a Dzogchen master must precipitate an insight on the basis of which a student can thereafter practice a form of awareness (Tibetan: rigpa) that is unencumbered by subject/object dualism.

Of all the Buddhist teachings, those of Dzogchen most closely resemble the teachings of Advaita. The two traditions seek to provoke the same insight into the nonduality of consciousness, but, generally speaking, only Dzogchen makes it absolutely clear that one must practice this insight to the point of stability and that one can do so without succumbing to the dualistic striving that haunts most other paths."

to go beyond duality

"The practice of recognizing nondual awareness is called trekchod, which means “cutting through” in Tibetan, as in cutting a string cleanly so that both ends fall away. Once one has cut it, there is no doubt that it has been cut. I recommend that you demand the same clarity of your meditation practice."

[werlight]

3 hours ago, John said:

Hey folks,

Have been meditating consistently every day for over a year now and have one or two queries that I'd like to post here.

More and more I catch my consciousness being consumed by thought. The thought arises, I get wrapped up in it, but then right after I am able to reflect and say "Wow, how intimately I got caught up with that thought just now!"

It feels like I am releasing more and more from thought..

But after all, the words "Wow, how intimately I got caught up with that thought just now!" are just thoughts right?! Sometimes I avoid this rabbit hole and just rest in the sensations of my body and the air around me, but it does leave me wondering how to know when I am truly resting in awareness. I don't feel the spaciousness, the stillness that Eckhart Tolle talks about. Is there some other feelings or something that i haven't shined the light of awareness on that is restritcting me from entering fully into the now?

I realise this question was long winded and quite confused, but hopefuly someone out there might have experienced something similar.

Cheers,

John

yes .. next step is to focus your awerness on itself .. the goal is to become aware of your own awerness.. good luck !

[WelcometoReality]

4 hours ago, John said:

But after all, the words "Wow, how intimately I got caught up with that thought just now!" are just thoughts right?! Sometimes I avoid this rabbit hole and just rest in the sensations of my body and the air around me, but it does leave me wondering how to know when I am truly resting in awareness. I don't feel the spaciousness, the stillness that Eckhart Tolle talks about. Is there some other feelings or something that i haven't shined the light of awareness on that is restritcting me from entering fully into the now?

Have you tried self-inquiry? If not try it out.

[Hengame]

@WelcometoReality can please tell me how should I do self inquiry? I do not know how to do it be appreciate if you give me hint. Thanks

[WelcometoReality]

10 hours ago, Hengame said:

@WelcometoReality can please tell me how should I do self inquiry? I do not know how to do it be appreciate if you give me hint. Thanks

this video explains it well. Once you discover what you are, practice being that. Always.

[Hengame]

@WelcometoRealitythank you so much I watched some videos of Rupert spira were great thanks for sharing it to me.

[Markus]

The problem is not thinking per se, but thinking without knowing that you're thinking. So when you think "Oh, there I went again! Jeez!" you know that you're thinking.

[Ben]

It's ALL thought. Any possible thing that comes up, no matter how subtle or interesting, is an illusion. What you're calling awareness is just an image of blackness or emptiness in your mind. No differnt, more substantial or special than a belief in the tooth fairy. Don't believe anything that comes up, especially the concept that Tolle has put in your mind that awareness exists.