Wicked

How To Be More Happy?

13 posts in this topic

Hi guys,

Quick question. How to find happiness and optimism inside myself? I mean - I don't want it to be caused by external factors, like having a passion, girlfriend, whatever. I'm a 20 years old guy, regularly working out, trying to be the best version of myself. In a hope of achieving 'happiness'. But it's like a butterfly - I don't ever catch it. I think the problem is in my thought patterns - I rarely think optimistically or have positive expectations. How to fix this? I have a feeling, that my emotional 'baseline' is very low. 

Thanks!

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In a hope of achieving 'happiness'.

The thing with happiness, is that it requires nothing :D 
When you don't mentally require anything to be happy, you're happy, it's as simple as that really.

Now how to practically do this ?
I think the most direct route would be to sit and do nothing, let's say, 1 hour a day for 90 days.
It will be horrible at first, but after a while you'll realize that you don't need anything to be happy, nothing at all.

Of course it won't be the orgasmic happy I got a new boyfriend/girlfriend and other stuff like that, but it will be constant and be with you whatever you do once you realize it.

2

Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillement, for validation, security or love
You have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer

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The best thing I find you can to right now to feel more happy is to find something to be grateful for.

I even used to journal about this and the results were amazing. I sat down every evening with a pen and paper and I answered the following questions:

  • What are three things that went well today?
  • What are three things that I'm grateful for?
  • What am I looking forward to tomorrow?

That's it. Simple but powerful.

At first it was difficult to come up with something new to write every day but eventually I got really good at it.

After a couple of days I found tons of things that I was grateful for, that are going well and that I look forward to. I really started to notice how amazing my life actually is. 

And little by little I become more aware of these things as I went about my everyday life.

If you have that much to appreciate how can you not be happy?

2

a shore far away, clear the night - gazing into the infinite
the me dissolves, it fears - I cannot hold back my tears
an all-encompassing unity.

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Thanks for the replies.

 

I think I didn't explain well what I mean. So - the thing is - I want to have more positive emotions. Because my baseline of emotions for everyday life is somewhere around 'neutral' to 'a little bit depressed/sad'. I don't know where it comes from, I think I wasn't like that few years ago. Gratitude worked for me for some time, but after some time I didn't feel much when I listed 3 things that I am grateful for.

What I recognized is - I feel much better when I think about the best possible future, when I try to smile even when I don't want to, generally when I expect the best out of every situation. It kinda makes me realize, that I might be a little bit down because of 'ordinariness' of life. I mean - it's like I forgot about my dreams, aspirations, goals, my best self. Reality numbed me down. I don't feel like I have hope for something very good in the future, even though I know logically there are many things that will be amazing. There's no excitement for anything in me, even though I have many interests. I feel dull most of the time. And I'm pretty sure it's a matter of mindset and mind control.

Do you have any suggestions for mini-habits or habits to implement, to get rid of that kind of mindset? 

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@Wicked according to Paul Ekman who researches for years everything about emotions:

-they are per se neither good nor bad.. 

- they never last for a long time (just a few minutes)

- every single one is necessary for our human survival,

it is absolutly impossible to get rid of them even if you want to.. But.. what do you think is happiness? Do you think you can reach it running after some emotions and avoiding the others? Wouldn't it favor suffering more than ever?

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I didn't say I want to get rid of any emotions. I just want to change my 'baseline', my ordinary, day-to-day normal emotional state, which is very dull these days. It's not that I want to be positive 24/7.

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@Wicked Are you getting endorphin rushes from your workouts?   Are you doing a vegetarian diet?  Going veggie is an automatic mood elevator after a couple weeks.

If you get your endorphin kicks from working out & that "empty" all-day rush from a veggie diet, I'm not sure what else you would need to be happy.  Everything else is just icing on the cake.

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@Shin I bumped up my meditation time to 1 hour. Does that blend in with what you meant by do nothing or should I have a specific time for this aswell ?

I'm quite interested in this topic too. In my daily life I tend to rely on things such as masturbation, videos, thinking about stuff / conceptualizing, gaming as a means to get those 'high happy moments' 

Edited by Max_V
1

Flow down and down in always widening rings of being.

-Rumi

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1 hour ago, Max_V said:

@Shin I bumped up my meditation time to 1 hour. Does that blend in with what you meant by do nothing or should I have a specific time for this aswell ?

I'm quite interested in this topic too. In my daily life I tend to rely on things such as masturbation, videos, thinking about stuff / conceptualizing, gaming as a means to get those 'high happy moments' 

I find myself more happy/at peace if it's distinct from meditation.

Meditation doesn't necessarily make you peaceful, it raise your awareness, but you can be full monkey mind sometimes (for your mind meditation is still doing something in the end).

Once you acclimate to really do nothing at all, you just do nothing at all.

1

Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillement, for validation, security or love
You have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer

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@Shin Alright that sounds interesting. Will give it a shot!

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Flow down and down in always widening rings of being.

-Rumi

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@Wicked 

  1.  Build a daily meditation practice. 
  2.  List all the things you are grateful for in life.
  3. Build a rich life for yourself. (one in which you have high quality friends/ hobbies and an amazing life purpose)
  4. Self-actualize by planning how to, and taking the approach necessary to get there. 
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"It is YOU that must change for all else to change." - Me.

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