The Small Fears And The Big Fears

[John]

To keep it brief:

I consider myself a few steps in on the spiritual path now. However, I find as my concentration power grows, my senses become clearer and I find equanimity in life; it's these tiny small things that cause the most suffering. A little look from someone. A small neuroses or worry. They cause the most suffering in my life at the moment.

Does anyone have advice or experience with this?

Huge amounts of anxiety and fear, that just are not proportional to the thing feared. To go from Access Concentration to be being persecuted by my own self judgment and doubt when talking to a cashier in the store... 

Is it possible that the fears that come up as you go further down the path are manifesting as this?

Or is awareness just showing me now, how deeply neurotic I have always been?

What is the most skillful way to act here?

[Max_V]

Adyashanti talks about this in one of his podcasts. Fear, Gatekeeper of Awakening.

 

So what he mainly talks about is that there are two types of fear.

• Psychological fears
• Existential fears

-Existential fear is normally the fear that comes with the practice of spirituality. The fear of emptiness, The ego clinging to wanting to be something. With this fear, it is almost always the case that when you face it, and look at it for what it really is, it vanishes. Easier said then done, but it is possible

-Psychological fears on the other hand are somewhat different. These fears need a different approach. You shouldn't completely dive into it everytime you notice it's there. If you do so, you risk that you retraumatize your system again. This can wear you down psychologically, emotionally, and even physically. So with this fear you have to be sensitive, and kind. Slowly deal with this, little pieces at a time. It is also possible that this fear is so deep rooted, from a childhood trauma for example, that it needs therapy to overcome it. 

All in all, it is very important you identify which type of fear it is you are dealing with, so you can respond accordingly.

This is something very close to me, since I have an anxiety problem of my own which I'm working hard at to grow from. So I can sympathize with you.

I wish you the best of luck with this, deal with this in a sensitive and loving way  

[Nahm]

@John You SHOULD be shitting your pants every second of every day because there you are not knowing what the fuck you even are so how could you possibly be expected to operate relative to anything at all, right? I mean, WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN GOING ON RIGHT!?!?!?!

You are wrestling with confidence issues. You are not neurotic. It's ok. You are THE ONE. The real One.  you just haven't let go of this illusory self yet, and that's perfect. It's ok! You're at the perfect place at the perfect time in all of infinitey! I mean, really, what are the chances???? You can just ask Leo!!! The catch is, you gotta actually fucking do what he says. Don't filter it down to what you want to do now and what you'll surely do later, etc, etc, etc BULLSHIT 

He's like you're own personal coach / angel and he's telling you without even asking for anything in return. Let go of your concept of a Saint and wake the fuck up and do everything he is telling you to do.

You're this infinite One who created this illusion. Now you're in the illusion as John. Part of the illusion that you made is to be John and John get's to discover the Truth because he was born as a SEPERATE THING. But of course, you're not actually a seperate thing. That's just part of the grandest most mind blowing illusion of all time. The confidence issue can be resolved, immediately, right now, in 1 of two ways. Be tough, brave, focused, and adopt an attitude fit to conquer the world... or .... realize everything is One and you are that One. When you die, you're that One again, and it's a little lonely being the only thing there is. So you'll do more illusions. When you look at other people, look right into their eyes and realize it's you!!!! Ultimately you are alone. There is nothing to fear because whatever you think is just part of the illusion. 

In summation, the next time you feel that shit, say to yourself "I'm alone".  Be grateful for every person you see and you will be a happy drunk for the rest of your life!

[Voyager]

9 hours ago, Nahm said:

There is nothing to fear because whatever you think is just part of the illusion. 

Does that include my neurotic belief that Hell exists? Problem is, I've been there before. Robitussin DX is nasty stuff. 

[Visitor]

12 hours ago, John said:

To keep it brief:

I consider myself a few steps in on the spiritual path now. However, I find as my concentration power grows, my senses become clearer and I find equanimity in life; it's these tiny small things that cause the most suffering. A little look from someone. A small neuroses or worry. They cause the most suffering in my life at the moment.

Does anyone have advice or experience with this?

Huge amounts of anxiety and fear, that just are not proportional to the thing feared. To go from Access Concentration to be being persecuted by my own self judgment and doubt when talking to a cashier in the store... 

Is it possible that the fears that come up as you go further down the path are manifesting as this?

Or is awareness just showing me now, how deeply neurotic I have always been?

What is the most skillful way to act here?

The deeper you go the fears that have been categorized as "I don't want to know" become more apparent. As one goes deeper, uncovering the veils of denial, the most covered are becoming apparent. Secrets long forgotten will no longer be forgotten. And the ego senses threat of losing self-esteem. It gets sensitive to what may shortly arise (anxieties).

Fear of how people looking at you, doubting you, are examples of the fear of being judged. This primary fear passed its fears to the fear of rejection, segregation, abandonment and annihilation. The best, permanent, way to overcome this fear of judgment is to truly know yourself (self-honesty to your core). That way you then no longer need to be afraid of being found-out, exposed, and/or vulnerable to the unknown judgments of others.

The AA 12 step program has a few steps which works wonders for eradicating fears. Read about steps 4, 5, 9 and 10.

There are other approaches for clearing the wreckage of our past. For example, the Catholic religion has confessionals. Though you don't need to be a Catholic to use the service.

Otherwise, you can try and do it yourself by doing step 4, and I highly recommend doing step 5 to get rid of any guilt and/or shame. I know this all sounds too hard. you could try sweeping those fears under the carpet of denial, but to deny it you always have to know is truth before you know what to deny. So in effect it won't go away. fear, resentment, and all the negative emotions such as anger, intolerance, impatience, and irritability will dog you. Until you clean house there will always be a good chance of getting tripped up on the carpet.