after 100 approaches I still have approach anxiety

[Salvijus]

I would offer a different perspective for a change. 

It's possible that a healthy part of your soul is saying: "bro this is ridiculous, why are you doing this, this is not the way" and you're interpreting this resistence as anxiety when in truth this resistence is actually a good sign that shows you're not completely bonkers yet.

Just my 2cents. It's okay to feel uneasy when you're about to do something ridiculous. 

Edited October 8 by Salvijus

[Zenterus]

1 hour ago, Salvijus said:

I would offer a different perspective for a change. 

It's possible that a healthy part of your soul is saying: "bro this is ridiculous, why are you doing this, this is not the way" and you're interpreting this resistence as anxiety when in truth this resistence is actually a good sign that shows you're not completely bonkers yet.

Just my 2cents. It's okay to feel uneasy when you're about to do something ridiculous. 

Nah dude. Approaching strangers is akin to venturing into the unknown. No matter how many times you do it, you dont know how the other person will react. There's also the social pressure aspect where people might see you do it and there's a certain kind of sexual shame that you feel as a consequence because you're openly exposing your desires to the world, while also potentially exposing yourself to be rejected publically which can feel a little embarrassing. 

This never goes away.

I still get approach anxiety after 10 years of active pickup experience.

@Olaf Instead of viewing it as you needing to do 3 perfect approaches, just focus on engaging in the right behaviours no matter how the girl reacts. Speak loud, hold eye contact, square up, be confident and intentional. As long as you do that, the approach counts, no matter how the girl reacts. 

Now, if she happens to react positively, try to see how far you can push the interaction.

I like to use a point system, personally.

An approach counts as 1 point, a longer interaction as 2 and a longer interaction that I got an instagram or number from counts as 3.

So, when you go out, you're aiming to get 3 points. If you just do 3 approaches, that satisfies it. But if you have a longer interaction without closing, which counts for 2, then all you have to do is one more solid approach and you won. Now if you close that one longer interaction then you're free to go home, but if you decide to continue approaching, you're doing so out of inspiration rather than for an outcome.

This mentality also "gamifies" the game and takes the seriousness and brutality out of it.

Edited October 8 by Zenterus

[Olaf]

@Zenterus thank you man, I appreciate your advice.

[Salvijus]

46 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

Approaching strangers is akin to venturing into the unknown. No matter how many times you do it, you dont know how the other person will react. There's also the social pressure aspect where people might see you do it and there's a certain kind of sexual shame that you feel as a consequence because you're openly exposing your desires to the world, while also potentially exposing yourself to be rejected publically which can feel a little embarrassing. 

You can become comfortable with the unknown. You can become comfortable with being vulnerable. You can become comfortable with being public and cringe. You can become comfortable with rejection. But there is a sane part of you that will never become comfortable with doing something foolish unless you become completely disconnected from reality. That could explain the "anxiety" (which is something else actually) even after 10 years of milions of approaches. 

Just a theory tho. 

Edited October 8 by Salvijus

[pablo_aka_god]

I have +1k approaches on me

I realized it will never go away. Your only choice is to learn to take action and move forward with fear or choose to get paralyzed and do nothing.

I am extremely introverted to the point where I struggle to make eye contact with people and have a constant stream of negative thoughts, I still do group activities w new people every week.

I still go forward even w all the shit in my head, my other choice is to stay inside alone. which would make my negative thoughts worsen every day I stay.

So really I have no choice.

[Olaf]

@pablo_aka_god good that you are taking action man

[Rishabh R]

@pablo_aka_god Yup it's right and the point is not to eliminate it but act despite it and that's what confidence is which women are attracted to.

[croonprince]

Doing 100 approaches in a single day isn't building confidence, it's just flooding your system with stress until you burn out. You figured out the real problem yourself: as soon as you put a quota on it, your brain treats it like a threat instead of a conversation.

I hit the exact same wall with performance anxiety a few years back. I went to Infinite Recovery, and what they made me realize is that the anxiety wasn't about the women I was approaching, it was entirely about the pressure I was putting on myself to "execute perfectly." Their therapists didn't give me a script, they just helped me strip away the panic I'd built up around goals. The intention thing you're talking about is literally the only mindset that works, because the second you care about the outcome, you freeze.

 

[Olaf]

@croonprince that is a good insight, I do think it has allot to do with pressure indeed, when I don't have pressure or let go of the pressure, I just naturally want to approach, versus trying to make something happen as you said. Pressure is an interesting thing, because you might need some pressure, to get yourself out of the house and walking, but once you are walking you can just approach without needing too much pressure or any pressure at all. The only other way would be to pressure yourself so much as with the 100 that all anxiety falls away. Maybe there are more paths, these are just the two I know.