Ego sneaking in the back door of new higher self

[Breakingthewall]

6 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

But if you're in open mode most of time or all time as you wrote here, wouldn't the dense structure start to deconstruct naturally?

The thing is that the dense structure is real. It's my human programming that aims for success, fights against the pressure of reality that tries to crush you, protect your friends, fight against what's bad for you, searching the best possibility always. This programming is entirely real; it's inscribed in the genes, not an illusion or a misunderstanding of the ego. It's biology. 

The key for me is first to fully and non-judgmentally understand all your emotional reality, and then to channel it as best as possible so that it's compatible with the most open state possible, because if you aim for the dense, you enter hellish states (at least I do).

The problem is when a real challenge arises. I personally am absolutely far from being a Buddha, and I don't want to be one either. If a serious conflict occurs, I enter a dense state. I know what's happening, but they're automatic reactions. You try to see everything as clear as possible, but the impulse is irresistible. 

Anyway, about rumination, 90% of time I have zero, but sometimes I get in that mental state again, and when you are in it it's absolutely impossible imagining how you could be in a clean state with zero suffering, because you are immerse in the density, it's a reality.

The only solution for me is meditation. I ve to do every single day, if not I get little by little in the density. And that meditation has to be real, you start meditating and seems impossible, then again, until the openess happens. But if you are in a real problem it won't happen, at least for now in the state that I'm operating now. Sure it's possible being like Buddha, but I find it not interesting. We are humans, why to avoid human reality? The only answer would be: because you will reincarnate in a higher level. Do you believe that? Maybe it's true, but maybe not. Or to avoid suffering, but some suffering is the price of being human 

Edited September 1 by Breakingthewall

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

. I've written somewhere that self is a curse, and I sometimes think to myself how its the worst thing that could ever be, simply because it allows for ridiculous levels of suffering,

Exactly, if you understand the possibilities of suffering of a closed self (and you do) you will search the openess at any price. Not like a theory or something to be higher than the others but absolutely seriously because you understand that you are in a horrible trap. 

[Breakingthewall]

7 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

Psychological suffering is resistance to circumstance. 

The physical body naturally attempts to avoid pain and suffering as natural survival instinct.

The self illusion/ego/me is like the conditioned mental resistance beyond the body. (like a karen complex) It prolongs suffering and even perpetuates it. It's the negative drama extenuating beyond basic survival. It compares, overthinks and takes everything personal. (why me) 

It's exactly the same than the body. The body reacts if it's fire to don't get burnt. The mind predict that tomorrow could be fire and constructs a firewall. If there is not emotional charge to push that action, it won't happen. 

About the past, the mind gets in rumination about humiliation or abuse or anything because the system aims to avoid that humiliation in the future because it is a damage for the system being a social being. Then the rumination happens until the system is recalibrate to be able to avoid that circumstance in the future. 

What you call illusion or misunderstanding is the best work of engineering of evolution 

[Breakingthewall]

@Sugarcoat

Thinking more about what you were saying, I believe I still have moments of a dense state because a completely open state isn't my reality. It's very difficult for this to be the case; it's a very radical change in the way the psyche operates, exists, functions. I aim for that without the slightest doubt every moment of my existence, but the structures of the psyche are very tenacious. 

This is a process that, in my opinion, works like this: first, you focus entirely on achieving a moment of openness. Through meditation, psychedelics, whatever. It can take a long time; in my case, about 1.5 years of very serious focus. Then a moment of openess happens and you more or less understand what you're looking for, where you're aiming. You're still in a crazy dense state, but you know exactly which barrier you need to erode.

You understand that you are the door that's closing and that you want to open it. So you gradually make it more transparent, and in doing so, some deep layers of the psyche become visible and pull you back into a dense labyrinth.

You realize that the only way is total presence, total openness to what is, which requires letting go of the ego's grip that you hold so tightly. Completely letting go of control. Not external control over what happens, but internal control, the contraction you constantly exert to maintain yourself as you are.

It's an act of opening your heart, of eliminating the barrier between you and reality. When you do this, the self and reality are one; it's as if the connection between you and the outside world flows unfiltered. If I said I could be in that state all the time, it would be a lie. I can be there sometimes, and to a certain extent. But once you've crossed that threshold even once, your entire reality changes; it gradually recalibrates to that direction 

[Breakingthewall]

16 hours ago, Mellowmarsh said:

Consciousness has no idea of what is real or illusion or fake. Except in this synthetically created conception.

It's very obvious what is real: the fact of existing. You are now, that's everything, you don't need to know anything else because being is absolute, it's the reality, and you are that. 

It's not that the reality is a self, but that the reality appears as a self, and a self means the reality knowing itself. Not knowing a facet of itself because it's irrelevant, could be infinite facets, all are the same: the reality. The absolute being. 

[Breakingthewall]

On 31/8/2026 at 7:56 PM, Grateful Dead said:

agree that this is extremely rare, there are only very few individuals I would truly attribute that to, Eckhart Tolle being one of them.

It's possible that you are right. In the past I pointed some asserts of Tolle that I find very wrong, but same time maybe he is someone who have broken totally the separation. How could you know it? I use to analyze every word that they say but I don't pay enough attention to its presence, because I always suspect that are scammers, that they pretend to be more than they are, but maybe it's not this case. 

[Mellowmarsh]

6 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

It's possible that you are right. In the past I pointed some asserts of Tolle that I find very wrong, but same time maybe he is someone who have broken totally the separation. How could you know it? I use to analyze every word that they say but I don't pay enough attention to its presence, because I always suspect that are scammers, that they pretend to be more than they are, but maybe it's not this case. 

And yet in another breath you say this…..

It's not that the reality is a self, but that the reality appears as a self, and a self means the reality knowing itself. Not knowing a facet of itself because it's irrelevant, could be infinite facets, all are the same: the reality. The absolute being. 

[VeganAwake]

On 9/1/2026 at 6:56 AM, Breakingthewall said:

It's exactly the same than the body. The body reacts if it's fire to don't get burnt. The mind predict that tomorrow could be fire and constructs a firewall. If there is not emotional charge to push that action, it won't happen. 

About the past, the mind gets in rumination about humiliation or abuse or anything because the system aims to avoid that humiliation in the future because it is a damage for the system being a social being. Then the rumination happens until the system is recalibrate to be able to avoid that circumstance in the future. 

What you call illusion or misunderstanding is the best work of engineering of evolution 

These were just some of the examples that seem to make-up the illusory self construct.

Additionally there are circular patterns of thoughts/memories of the past, present and future, beliefs and belief systems, concepts, negative/positive self judgments, numerous conditioned perspectives. 

These entire bundles seem to make-up the self character. And without a doubt causes an immense amount of psychological suffering when there is a strong identification as that.

Sometimes for no apparent reason and in rare occasions, this so-called self character can be recognized as completely unreal. 

Edited Thursday at 02:50 AM by VeganAwake

[Breakingthewall]

16 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

These were just some of the examples that seem to make-up the illusory self construct.

Additionally there are circular patterns of thoughts/memories of the past, present and future, beliefs and belief systems, concepts, negative/positive self judgments, numerous conditioned perspectives. 

These entire bundles seem to make-up the self character. And without a doubt causes an immense amount of psychological suffering when there is a strong identification as that.

Sometimes for no apparent reason and in rare occasions, this so-called self character can be recognized as completely unreal. 

Then it's unreal that if you don't have food you will starve? Because the self is the predictive system plus the social system plus many other systems of relationship that build a human . Why according to you they doesn't exist? You could say that you don't care about them, that for you starving is the same than having food, it's ok, just why calling it illusion?

Who decides that it's an illusion? If "it's recognized" that it's an illusion, it's in opposition of real, then there is comparison, registration and valoration. The very fact of saying that the self is illusory affirm the self, because it's a comparative assessment.  Now if you remember anything painful you will think: oh but it's illusory. Then it's less painful. But you are still operating in the valorative level

 The point is doing a step above where nothing is defined as illusory or true, but where reality is. Then you could see that this painful remember simply is, but It doesn't define you because In this lever there are no definitions. Seems the same, but it isn't. What you mean is that the self that is judging itself as "worthy" or "unworthy" stops doing it, but it is still a self that knows that exists and that prefer food instead starvation 

Edited Thursday at 06:19 PM by Breakingthewall

[Sugarcoat]

On 2026-09-01 at 1:46 PM, Breakingthewall said:

The thing is that the dense structure is real. It's my human programming that aims for success, fights against the pressure of reality that tries to crush you, protect your friends, fight against what's bad for you, searching the best possibility always. This programming is entirely real; it's inscribed in the genes, not an illusion or a misunderstanding of the ego. It's biology. 

The key for me is first to fully and non-judgmentally understand all your emotional reality, and then to channel it as best as possible so that it's compatible with the most open state possible, because if you aim for the dense, you enter hellish states (at least I do).

The problem is when a real challenge arises. I personally am absolutely far from being a Buddha, and I don't want to be one either. If a serious conflict occurs, I enter a dense state. I know what's happening, but they're automatic reactions. You try to see everything as clear as possible, but the impulse is irresistible. 

Anyway, about rumination, 90% of time I have zero, but sometimes I get in that mental state again, and when you are in it it's absolutely impossible imagining how you could be in a clean state with zero suffering, because you are immerse in the density, it's a reality.

The only solution for me is meditation. I ve to do every single day, if not I get little by little in the density. And that meditation has to be real, you start meditating and seems impossible, then again, until the openess happens. But if you are in a real problem it won't happen, at least for now in the state that I'm operating now. Sure it's possible being like Buddha, but I find it not interesting. We are humans, why to avoid human reality? The only answer would be: because you will reincarnate in a higher level. Do you believe that? Maybe it's true, but maybe not. Or to avoid suffering, but some suffering is the price of being human 

 

On 2026-09-01 at 11:42 PM, Breakingthewall said:

@Sugarcoat

Thinking more about what you were saying, I believe I still have moments of a dense state because a completely open state isn't my reality. It's very difficult for this to be the case; it's a very radical change in the way the psyche operates, exists, functions. I aim for that without the slightest doubt every moment of my existence, but the structures of the psyche are very tenacious. 

This is a process that, in my opinion, works like this: first, you focus entirely on achieving a moment of openness. Through meditation, psychedelics, whatever. It can take a long time; in my case, about 1.5 years of very serious focus. Then a moment of openess happens and you more or less understand what you're looking for, where you're aiming. You're still in a crazy dense state, but you know exactly which barrier you need to erode.

You understand that you are the door that's closing and that you want to open it. So you gradually make it more transparent, and in doing so, some deep layers of the psyche become visible and pull you back into a dense labyrinth.

You realize that the only way is total presence, total openness to what is, which requires letting go of the ego's grip that you hold so tightly. Completely letting go of control. Not external control over what happens, but internal control, the contraction you constantly exert to maintain yourself as you are.

It's an act of opening your heart, of eliminating the barrier between you and reality. When you do this, the self and reality are one; it's as if the connection between you and the outside world flows unfiltered. If I said I could be in that state all the time, it would be a lie. I can be there sometimes, and to a certain extent. But once you've crossed that threshold even once, your entire reality changes; it gradually recalibrates to that direction 

Regarding my question, I wasn't thinking that accessing the open states on regular basis would naturally lead to a Buddha-like state with zero desire or aversion, I wondered if the level of intensity of the mental suffering and contraction of ego you described, would naturally soften and become much more mild in general when it does arise. So it was about the degree of it, not downplaying the profoundness of anything you've shared tho. I have my own theories about how different egos are wired differently, also I'm guessing that through frequent openness it allows for more sensitivity so when the ego rebuilds itself, it's felt very clearly, doesn't mean you have more dense than others. I say this related to my own experiences. Regarding reincarnation, I am quite pessimistic there, I think, better prolong this life, as way worse may come after 😂 

I have a bit of bias in thinking at times, that meditation seems "weak" in its ability to break down the self (if it's not done a TON like in your example) because it seems to simply just "not engage it", but ok, then what is going to relax that most fundamental structure that can seem to be there even if the mind content is still and one is seemingly as disengaged as one feels one can be in the moment? I don't need answer for that, I can just try more meditation for myself, but I've reflected about it. 

Yea there is a lot I could say but it's always a good read (your sharings). 

Edited yesterday at 03:20 PM by Sugarcoat

[Breakingthewall]

On 6/9/2026 at 4:57 PM, Sugarcoat said:

Regarding my question, I wasn't thinking that accessing the open states on regular basis would naturally lead to a Buddha-like state with zero desire or aversion, I wondered if the level of intensity of the mental suffering and contraction of ego you described, would naturally soften and become much more mild in general when it does arise

Yes the contraction disappear in great extent. Fron my experience there has to be a moment, or rather several moments, when your ego is zero. Moments of total openness; otherwise, it would have been impossible for me. My previous state was one of incessant mental war, a closed state. I could never be at peace. I suppose many people live like that.

The difference isn't becoming egoless or without preferences, but opening the capsule that encloses you. Breaking the separation, the barrier that covers your heart and makes your mind self-reflective. Then reality becomes completely fluid, without absolute limits. You and reality are one; you can't control it, you see that you must surrender every second. But imo there's always some resistance; it's software that seeks the good and avoids the bad is always there. Then if anything bad appears you will suffer, but you are not suffering for the fact of being you.

On 6/9/2026 at 4:57 PM, Sugarcoat said:

have my own theories about how different egos are wired differently, also I'm guessing that through frequent openness it allows for more sensitivity so when the ego rebuilds itself, it's felt very clearly, doesn't mean you have more dense than others. I

Yeah you are right, the egos are very different, but imo in deep are similar in its structure, or better in the fact that are structures. 

On 6/9/2026 at 4:57 PM, Sugarcoat said:

Regarding reincarnation, I am quite pessimistic there, I think, better prolong this life, as way worse may come after 😂 

Come on, wtf, don't induce me nightmares hahaha. No no you are right, reality is deep, separation can happen in many ways, some could be very horrible. A human brain has a huge capacity of suffering, imagine other possibilities much more deep, complex, powerful of madness that the reality can create. 

On 6/9/2026 at 4:57 PM, Sugarcoat said:

have a bit of bias in thinking at times, that meditation seems "weak" in its ability to break down the self (if it's not done a TON like in your example) because it seems to simply just "not engage it",

Meditation is not observing your thoughts, it's open yourself to this moment and being one with the reality without separation. Breaking your limits. Imo without boiling your brain with drugs some time, maybe some years, it's impossible for modern people. Just my opinion maybe I'm talking nonsense and sadguru will punish me, but we have a ego very hard because we grew in protection, safety, control. Despite the mental suffering and that. Then it's extremely difficult breaking the separation 

[Breakingthewall]

On 6/9/2026 at 4:57 PM, Sugarcoat said:

then what is going to relax that most fundamental structure that can seem to be there even if the mind content is still and one is seemingly as disengaged as one feels one can be in the moment?

In my experience, it's a process that can involve psychedelics, meditation, and above all, the constant intention to pierce the capsule that separates you.

At some point, you've had several "mystical" experiences after breaking through several barriers within yourself, but you still live in a state of separation.

Then, at a certain point, you can meditate, more or less easily to a point of total emptiness of content and meaning, where only "I am" remains, the perceiving center, the subject that sees the object. If you can stay at that point long enough, the separation collapses, and reality opens up.

It's not God doing things or any realization; it's exactly this, but open, alive, limitless. Any interpretation occurs within reality, therefore it cannot capture it; thus, the mind that gives meaning dissolves, and reality is, and being is everything. It's total, nothing is missed, it's what you are. Then what you want is more openess, more life. 

On 6/9/2026 at 4:57 PM, Sugarcoat said:

Yea there is a lot I could say but it's always a good read (your sharings). 

Good to read, same here

Edited 1 hour ago by Breakingthewall