Ego sneaking in the back door of new higher self

[Breakingthewall]

6 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

But if you're in open mode most of time or all time as you wrote here, wouldn't the dense structure start to deconstruct naturally?

The thing is that the dense structure is real. It's my human programming that aims for success, fights against the pressure of reality that tries to crush you, protect your friends, fight against what's bad for you, searching the best possibility always. This programming is entirely real; it's inscribed in the genes, not an illusion or a misunderstanding of the ego. It's biology. 

The key for me is first to fully and non-judgmentally understand all your emotional reality, and then to channel it as best as possible so that it's compatible with the most open state possible, because if you aim for the dense, you enter hellish states (at least I do).

The problem is when a real challenge arises. I personally am absolutely far from being a Buddha, and I don't want to be one either. If a serious conflict occurs, I enter a dense state. I know what's happening, but they're automatic reactions. You try to see everything as clear as possible, but the impulse is irresistible. 

Anyway, about rumination, 90% of time I have zero, but sometimes I get in that mental state again, and when you are in it it's absolutely impossible imagining how you could be in a clean state with zero suffering, because you are immerse in the density, it's a reality.

The only solution for me is meditation. I ve to do every single day, if not I get little by little in the density. And that meditation has to be real, you start meditating and seems impossible, then again, until the openess happens. But if you are in a real problem it won't happen, at least for now in the state that I'm operating now. Sure it's possible being like Buddha, but I find it not interesting. We are humans, why to avoid human reality? The only answer would be: because you will reincarnate in a higher level. Do you believe that? Maybe it's true, but maybe not. Or to avoid suffering, but some suffering is the price of being human 

Edited 50 minutes ago by Breakingthewall

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

. I've written somewhere that self is a curse, and I sometimes think to myself how its the worst thing that could ever be, simply because it allows for ridiculous levels of suffering,

Exactly, if you understand the possibilities of suffering of a closed self (and you do) you will search the openess at any price. Not like a theory or something to be higher than the others but absolutely seriously because you understand that you are in a horrible trap. 

[Breakingthewall]

7 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

Psychological suffering is resistance to circumstance. 

The physical body naturally attempts to avoid pain and suffering as natural survival instinct.

The self illusion/ego/me is like the conditioned mental resistance beyond the body. (like a karen complex) It prolongs suffering and even perpetuates it. It's the negative drama extenuating beyond basic survival. It compares, overthinks and takes everything personal. (why me) 

It's exactly the same than the body. The body reacts if it's fire to don't get burnt. The mind predict that tomorrow could be fire and constructs a firewall. If there is not emotional charge to push that action, it won't happen. 

About the past, the mind gets in rumination about humiliation or abuse or anything because the system aims to avoid that humiliation in the future because it is a damage for the system being a social being. Then the rumination happens until the system is recalibrate to be able to avoid that circumstance in the future. 

What you call illusion or misunderstanding is the best work of engineering of evolution