Ego sneaking in the back door of new higher self

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, Mellowmarsh said:

Is it your suffering though?

The distinction is purely conceptual. There is suffering in the field of current reality, and it exists because of a predictive and self preservative mechanism that actually exists.

What we call the self is precisely that mechanism or process operating at different levels.

[Mellowmarsh]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

The distinction is purely conceptual. There is suffering in the field of current reality, and it exists because of a predictive and self preservative mechanism that actually exists.

What we call the self is precisely that mechanism or process operating at different levels.

So brain cancer had to exist so that the self preservation operating process mechanism could inform itself it is suffering?

[Sugarcoat]

9 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

In my case, I can describe it clearly. My normal psychological state, my human identity, includes hating a good part of my family with sick passion, contemplating what they were like, and feeling a kind of crushing sadness at the fact that such low and vile people exist, that I am related to them, and the malignant dynamics they imposed when they could. This translates into self-hatred, or rather, the feeling that I should be dead.

I mean, in the past I wake up in the morning and this feeling appears like a wave. It's basically as if I suffered from a mental illness. This has forced me to find a way to overcome it.

Before, I used the method of avoidance, but in the end, it's useless. So, what I can now do quite easily is enter a mental state in which the current reality, this moment now, is the alive reality. For this to happen, the duality between me as a subject and the perceived experience must disappear completely, because if it remains, no matter how much I try to tell myself that this is real, that subject will quickly be crushed by hatred and that. 

The breaking down of the subject-object duality is an energetic shift that occurs in the psyche and is reversible, but once you have broken the absolute subject-object barrier, it becomes increasingly easier to reopen the framework and break down the boundaries. Then, when the present moment is total and completely unstructured, it is perceived as alive, luminous, bright, and free. And the ego identity is perceived as secondary. It's real, and it's important to understand your reality in order to relate with the other people as clean as it's possible, without tricks and avoidances. But it's energetic load that defines it as absolute lose its reality. It doesn't define you because you are indefinible, you are the flow that is happening, the life that is living, the openess that is manifesting and this reality now, and all it's power is clearly felt. The difference is absolute. In one side you are dead, in other, alive. 

It's a bit unusual to read when you've shared your sufferings like this because your posts tend to have calm feeling to them, at least from my POV reading. Even when you write about hating with sick passion it feels calm somehow but maybe that's just me at this point hahah sorry. But it sounds intense what you describe which is also rare seeming to me considering how frequently you've described opening to reality. I just mean that I would think that kind of intense suffering would undo itself after a while of that, but also I don't assume you go through the kind of typical ego suffering people do, because even for me that stopped. I feel when I suffer nowadays it's not of same quality as before when I was in that mental ego, which I'm guessing is gone for you too. Or not? When not completely open to reality, when in "normal psychological state", do you return to mind-ego, or that consciousness center presence? The latter being what I described with all the content in it, that still feels like self in a way, but not like that mind-ego which used to have a "fixed" quality to it. 

Theres also some kind of neurological mechanism that seems there no matter what in my own experience, but its not so easy to pin point. Asking this helps me make sense of my own experiences, my own state, also because I'm a bit curious, because you share from a deep place. Which connects back to the topic of the suffering, I am a bit perplexed how you suffer so deep despite seeming so open in general, meaning not so dense basically. It's like you're forced into the absolute because your self-state sucks too much, is what I'm getting here hahaha.........I'm more of a "suffer to minor degree most of time of my life but not so deeply intense", as a contrast. It's totally fine for me if you don't answer my questions btw

Edited 1 hour ago by Sugarcoat

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, Mellowmarsh said:

So brain cancer had to exist so that the self preservation operating process mechanism could inform itself it is suffering?

Or any other issue that activate the programming of the psyche. For example, if you're a teenager and no one of the opposite sex is interested in you, it will cause suffering. Or if you're a trader, if all your stocks keep falling and you fail repeatedly, or if you experience loneliness and isolation, or if your wife is a toxic narcissist who accuses you of raping your three-year-old daughter because she wants to leave you for someone else and needs to invent that story. There are thousands upon thousands of events that will always generate psychological suffering, given the nature of the human psyche.

[Breakingthewall]

25 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Even when you write about hating with sick passion it feels calm somehow but maybe that's just me at this point

No no it's real, when I talk about that it's totally deactivated, with zero charge. If I had that crap on my mind all day, I'd be dead or I would be not far.

The thing is, the human psyche is designed to drive you to total war over issues of belonging, identity, and family. This has created civilizations, empires, mobilized masses, and generated war and massacre on a scale that, if we imagined it, would make us think that being human is horror.

Well, that's exactly the nerve behind my, let's say, mental problem. It's like feeling that your human reality was being surrounded by demons in disguise who actively sought to plunge you into darkness, into the deepest, most suicidal depression, into a world without any light, trapped and isolated in a mental prison of obsession and shame. And they did this because that was their nature.

So, if I enter that mental loop , the feeling is overwhelming. But I know how to completely deactivate that level; that's what I talk about here all the time. Openness and all that. It's the opening up of the actual experience, of the reality that is happening now at a level that transcends the human and is situated in the totality.

Without doing that, it's absolutely impossible for me not to enter a state every 10 minutes that mixes hatred with despair, sadness, and utter nihilism. Maybe I'm very dramatic, but that's how it works for me. You might say, "Look, that's life. There are people who were in Auschwitz and they don't complain so much." I don't care. It's not a choice; it's how my psyche works in "dense" mode, so I have to be in "open" mode all the time, otherwise it's literally hell. 

This doesn't mean that the dense mode is illusory, I could enter in it easily, it still exist, but if you are a step above it's like it would be nothing, just an structure.

Then you see any structure as alive, and perfect. Not perfect because it's good for you but as an structure. Something alive that exists, that shines, that is interconnected with anything. All the reality feels alive, you can open yourself to this life and being one with it. There is no loneliness because you are one with what is, you are that, and it's shinning with all it's power right now. The point is being able to be as open as it's possible, everything is here, there is no lack, it's absolute joy. But just in the next level, the dense one, it's hell 

 

[Sugarcoat]

8 hours ago, Grateful Dead said:

Okay, yes, I understand. In the sense that most people, including here in the forum, use the word awakening, you are right. They mean a glimpse into observer consciousness, and stabilizing that would be considered permanent awakening from that perspective.

For me, however, as the word suggests, awakening means the end of the dream: either a brief glimpse into absolute reality or, in the case of permanent awakening, the complete withdrawal into formless Being. From my perspective, no mind that is still communicating as a human body is permanently awakened/enlightened.

I understand the distinctions you're making, very clear writing IMO, at this point it's just about what one thinks it's suitable to call it, for language sake. 

Maybe there's impression about enlightenment being the most profound thing, so that stabilization into consciousness presence seems to pale in comparison, it being part of not finding it up to par for the word "awakening". Seems to be perspective some hold, not assuming you think like this. 

Yes enlightenment, infinity, is incomprehensibly different from even the most subtle self, speaking from logical POV now, because 0.00001 is still no way near 0. But maybe it's underestimated how extremely rare even that stabilization into center presence is, because most who I've heard speak of spiritual awakening, as I said, speak of glimpses, loosening of self, even mindset shifts (because they may describe change of beliefs/paradimgs). Also just impression from people, and also from googling the prevalences (can't know for sure tho ofc).

So considering that, I think "spiritual awakening" fits, also language wise (spiritual = some kind of essence, in this context your human essence, awakening = consciousness awakens to itself, I've heard that one somewhere). But it also makes sense how you and some categorize it instead, but I just don't see how else to call it simply. 

Edited 58 minutes ago by Sugarcoat

[Breakingthewall]

8 hours ago, Grateful Dead said:

For me, however, as the word suggests, awakening means the end of the dream: either a brief glimpse into absolute reality or, in the case of permanent awakening, the complete withdrawal into formless Being. From my perspective, no mind that is still communicating as a human body is permanently awakened/enlightened.

57 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

 

 

The point is that the formless being is precisely the form. The form is how the formless being manifest always.

The point is getting out of the level of the valoration. It's an energetic level where valoration with emotional charge is happening every second. Then you place yourself in the level of the being, where there are no differences, there is no good and bad, just existence. 

Anyone who's permanently placed in this level would appear as normal, and talk normal.