Monogamous vs Polyamory

[Yimpa]

Beans (the other Yimpa) and I have learned to love each other , even though they are monogamous and I am polyamorous. It is possible to have both and not be at war with each other. We were in relationship therapy for years to reach a place of understanding. 

[Atb210201]

7 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

They’re all Me.

I don't know how you can't see the ego in this.

[Miguel1]

26 minutes ago, Atb210201 said:

Respectfully polyamory is just selfishness at its core.

It’s fine you think that way. But at least bring substance by elaborating why you think so.

[Atb210201]

Just now, Miguel1 said:

It’s fine you think that way. But at least bring substance by elaborating why you think so.

Well it's obvious to me but I'll elaborate for you and others.

When you want multiple partners you're just saying to all of them that you're not enough.

Then the truth is you don't respect or love any of them you just want to satisfy your own selfish desires and fantasies.

[Rafael Thundercat]

Some points brougth up by Toi Smith, @toimarie on IG

Patriarchy lacks an ethos of love and care. It does not socialize men to tend, be transparent, anticipate, be accountable, repair, or show deep regard for women as full subjects rather than resources. Women struggle to receive these things from men every day inside monogamous relationships. So I remain underwhelmed by the idea that expanding a man's access to more women is, in itself, particularly liberatory.

Patriarchy has never had much of a problem with men having access to multiple women. Of course, what makes ethical non-monogamy different is that everyone is consenting, and that matters. But consent isn't enough for me because it doesn't undo our socialization inside patriarchy. It doesn't erase what men have been taught to expect from women, what women have been taught to accommodate from men, or the relationships to power, care, and entitlement that we carry with us.

We can change the agreement and change the structure. We can make the whole thing consensual, but that doesn't necessarily change the people entering it. And I'm far more interested in whether men have interrogated the patriarchal man they bring into relationships than I am in how radical the relationship structure appears to be.

I was going to say that most men haven't done the work required to be in responsible, caring relationships with multiple women. But actually I think it begins further upstream than that.

Most men haven't developed a sufficient analysis of their own formation inside patriarchy, particularly in the intimate and relational realm, to even recognize what the work is, let alone begin doing it.

And we know this because so many men struggle to develop the transparency, accountability, tending, reciprocity and standard of care required to be in relationship with just one woman.