I'm feeling split inside my relationship

[LordFall]

1 minute ago, Valach said:

It will still want good things. The thing is that what a good thing for good life is might not be the most attractive woman. I've seen it many times.

Woman are not food.

Yes I was just exposing the flaws in your enlightenment argument for what it is, spiritual bypassing by trying to use spirituality to hand wave materialism away. 

I've already answered your comment, there are many fascets that make up a phenomenal high quality relationship and being deeply attracted to your partner is one of them and deep compatibility with your life purpose is another. I'm sure there are more. 

On 7/13/2026 at 4:10 PM, Hojo said:

Realize you are wondering if this is it for your girlfriend while imaging other random girls coming for you so you can say this is it.

This is a good comment. A lot of times as men we are shamed for our true desires and are expected to sacrifice for the collective. Sometimes that's needed but often times it's using us as disposable labor. 

There is no shame in wanting to date and sleep with very beautiful women especially if you've never been in a position to do so in your life before committing to this one. Most men have never slept with a really attractive women in their entire life whereas I think it's one of the most beautiful God gifted to us personally as men. Thank God that now you can learn how to do so easily on the internet, our ancestors had to go through way worse to be able to do so. 

[Monster Energy]

6 minutes ago, Valach said:

Woman are not food.

They are. Energy is food. Hope you learned something new today.

 

[Valach]

3 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Yes I was just exposing the flaws in your enlightenment argument for what it is, spiritual bypassing by trying to use spirituality to hand wave materialism away. 

I've already answered your comment, there are many fascets that make up a phenomenal high quality relationship and being deeply attracted to your partner is one of them and deep compatibility with your life purpose is another. I'm sure there are more. 

Nobody is saying attraction or compatibility don't matter. They obviously do.

But in this specific case, the OP has been with a loving, reliable partner for eight years and describes intense anxiety whenever commitment becomes more concrete. That immediately raises the question of whether this is actually about her, or whether it's about his relationship to commitment itself.

If someone has an avoidant attachment style, chronic anxiety, or is constantly searching for certainty, a different partner often won't solve the problem. The same doubts simply reappear in the next relationship after the honeymoon phase ends.

The important question isn't "Can I find someone hotter?" It's "Am I leaving because this relationship genuinely isn't right for me, or because my nervous system interprets commitment itself as a threat?"

Those are two completely different reasons to end a relationship, and confusing them can lead to repeating the same pattern over and over.

[Valach]

2 minutes ago, Monster Energy said:

They are. Energy is food. Hope you learned something new today.

 

Sure, if you redefine "food" broadly enough, then everything is food because everything is energy.

I was obviously speaking about the psychological analogy. A partner isn't a biological necessity in the same sense that food is, so using food as an analogy for relationships isn't very informative.

[LordFall]

Just now, Valach said:

Sure, if you redefine "food" broadly enough, then everything is food because everything is energy.

I was obviously speaking about the psychological analogy. A partner isn't a biological necessity in the same sense that food is, so using food as an analogy for relationships isn't very informative.

Of course it is. Nutrition and relationships are both core parts of the human experience. A low consciousness person or a person with low abundance will default to whatever is near them. A person with more resources and high consciousness will want the very best for them and not settle for what society tells them is appropriate food or a partner. 

3 minutes ago, Valach said:

Nobody is saying attraction or compatibility don't matter. They obviously do.

But in this specific case, the OP has been with a loving, reliable partner for eight years and describes intense anxiety whenever commitment becomes more concrete. That immediately raises the question of whether this is actually about her, or whether it's about his relationship to commitment itself.

If someone has an avoidant attachment style, chronic anxiety, or is constantly searching for certainty, a different partner often won't solve the problem. The same doubts simply reappear in the next relationship after the honeymoon phase ends.

The important question isn't "Can I find someone hotter?" It's "Am I leaving because this relationship genuinely isn't right for me, or because my nervous system interprets commitment itself as a threat?"

Those are two completely different reasons to end a relationship, and confusing them can lead to repeating the same pattern over and over.

Yeah bro you could be right but he literally said he took a test and he found himself as a secure style. I think it makes perfect sence that his psychology is perfectly healthy apart from a scarcity mindset and he has dated a perfectly nice girl and now that he is being asked to bet his life on her his subconscious is pulling the brakes hard and saying bro we need to seriously revaluate this. 

Commitment triggers fears for all sorts of valid reasons. In all cases it requires deeper investigation into the self and ultimately it will boil down to OP and his self-awareness. 

It reminds me of this thread from last month

Ultimately it's the same thing, only @KaRzual knows his life and will have to deal with the consequences. I'm mainly emphasizing on being the voice towards abundance because the default is compliance and scarcity. 

[Monster Energy]

3 minutes ago, Valach said:

Sure, if you redefine "food" broadly enough, then everything is food because everything is energy.

I was obviously speaking about the psychological analogy. A partner isn't a biological necessity in the same sense that food is, so using food as an analogy for relationships isn't very informative.

You can survive on sex alone. It leaves you feeling full instead of empty. That’s what I was trying to convey.

Of course everything is energy, but I’m talking about the biological energy that fills you from within. Food is sex, and sex is food.

 

[Valach]

1 hour ago, Monster Energy said:

You can survive on sex alone. It leaves you feeling full instead of empty. That’s what I was trying to convey.

Of course everything is energy, but I’m talking about the biological energy that fills you from within. Food is sex, and sex is food.

 

No point engaging this. There are places for these abstract discussion but not where a guy is struggling with simple problem like OP.

[Valach]

1 hour ago, LordFall said:

Of course it is. Nutrition and relationships are both core parts of the human experience. A low consciousness person or a person with low abundance will default to whatever is near them. A person with more resources and high consciousness will want the very best for them and not settle for what society tells them is appropriate food or a partner. 

Yeah bro you could be right but he literally said he took a test and he found himself as a secure style. I think it makes perfect sence that his psychology is perfectly healthy apart from a scarcity mindset and he has dated a perfectly nice girl and now that he is being asked to bet his life on her his subconscious is pulling the brakes hard and saying bro we need to seriously revaluate this. 

Commitment triggers fears for all sorts of valid reasons. In all cases it requires deeper investigation into the self and ultimately it will boil down to OP and his self-awareness. 

It reminds me of this thread from last month

Ultimately it's the same thing, only @KaRzual knows his life and will have to deal with the consequences. I'm mainly emphasizing on being the voice towards abundance because the default is compliance and scarcity. 

I don't think scoring as secure on an attachment test really proves someone is securely attached. Self-report questionnaires have limitations, and it's surprisingly easy—for anyone—to answer in a way that reflects how they see themselves rather than how they actually react under stress. Most people also don't have perfect self-awareness.

What stands out to me is less the test and more the pattern of behavior.

One of the hallmarks of insecure attachment is that close relationships activate a disproportionate amount of anxiety. The OP isn't just thoughtfully weighing the pros and cons of buying a flat. He describes months of avoidance, intense anxiety, inability to plan a vacation because he expected the relationship to end, and rapidly oscillating between wanting to commit and wanting to leave.

That doesn't prove he has an insecure attachment style, but it does suggest there's something deeper going on than simply asking, "Is she the right partner?"

A securely attached person can absolutely decide to end an eight-year relationship. The difference is that the decision is more likely to come from a relatively grounded evaluation of compatibility and values rather than being driven by intense fear and inner conflict.

[Schizophonia]

You should be able to handle that on your own.

I'm not a Mormon yet lol but the goal of a couple is generally to build a family and a home in general; that's where the fun, the love, and the power lie.

There are mentally ill people who control the media and push twisted ideas about relationships and twisted frequencies.

I don't have any particular solutions nor have I pinpointed the causes yet though I do have a few ideas, but most people have lost their human compass and are living in a state of important neurosis; repetitive behaviors and thought loops, negative emotions, self-destructive life choices...