Most Dating Books/Teachers Aren't Exceptional

[Joseph Maynor]

@Emerald  Yes and if someone sees the human as something to rid themself of, you can see where that misses the very first premise.

[bazera]

Seeing women as alien won't be an issue if men had more female friends. Also I don't think that's an issue for guys who grow up with sisters in household.

Having couple relationships also helps dispelling that illusion.

[LordFall]

17 hours ago, Emerald said:

To understand women, the first and most important thing to do is to understand how humans work... and to then recognize the humanity of a woman.

I'd say, men and women are 80% similar based on the core humanity. And it's something that's gotten even clearer to me working as a coach over the past 7 years. We're all going through the same core human patterns.

And one major blindspot that I notice that a sizable percentage of men have is that they can tend to see women as fundamentally alien to themselves... like a totally different species.

And this tends to create a lot more tension and friction to developing positive friendships and romantic relationships with women for the men who see women as alien. 

And it creates this worship/hate dynamic, where men with this paradigm will see woman as both above and below them... like angels and demons, instead of actual people.

And the same can't be said the other way around. Most women don't see men as alien to themselves.

And this tends to create an imbalance between the sexes level of understanding of one another where women understand more about men than men understand about women simply by recognizing that men are as human as they are and are going through all the regular human things.

But in the 20% of qualities that are genuinely different between men and women, I would sum up the main difference that I notice like this...

Think about movies where people are skillfully sneaking into a maximum security place to retrieve something.

And the person is about to walk into an open room with the thing they're trying to retrieve on a table in the middle of the room. 

But then, someone notices that there are a bunch of faint red laser lines all over the room. And if anyone walks across one of those laser lines, then the cops will be informed and will come immediately.

And then, the person retrieving the item has to duck and weave through all the red laser lines.

In this metaphor, the red laser lines represent raw emotional information and vibes. 

And generally, women can see the red lines more easily and can see the implications of what happens relationally if those lines are crossed... for better and for worse.

This creates more social awareness and a deeper connection to feeling in general... but also difficulties doing what needs doing if it means crossing a social line. And grudges can be held more easily because there's a deeper connection to the underlying lattice-work of 'laser lines world'. Red laser-lines world doesn't go away... it's very loud.

Also, red-laser lines world is complex... and it takes a lot of skill to learn to read it. And if you don't learn how to read it, it will bury you in TONS of un-processable information.

And generally, for Masculine men (but not usually Feminine men) they can't see the red laser lines quite as easily and have less connection to what happens if those laser lines are crossed... for better and for worse. 

On one hand, decisions can be made more quickly and unnecessary boundaries can be discarded more easily. And red-laser lines world in HD is A LOT of information to constantly process... so, it's easier to emotionally regulate when the laser lines are a bit fainter, as there isn't so much information that it's overpowering.

But it can be easier to disassociate from red-laser lines world altogether, since the lines are a fainter and easier to ignore. And when that happens there can be a "bull in a china shop" dynamic with those red laser lines... and real social consequences can happen but not be felt. This is especially true for men who see red laser lines world as unimportant or lame.

Red lasers are a good analogy for social dynamics and power games I might steal it.  Usually most men don't really play the social games of society they mostly just labor so they don't have to learn social dynamics quite as much as most women do.