Are You Aligned In Life?

[Jirh]

1 hour ago, Elliott said:

So, when she gets disabled and can't work or have sex

what will your relationship be if she gets disabled.

It's not realistic or pragmatic to select a partner based on this criterion of disablement. Nobody counts for this possibility because it's rare statistically.

Edited 2 hours ago by Jirh

[Miguel1]

Think of it this way:

Would you date and invest a HUGE chunk of your life, energy, time and resources into building a relationship with a stage red person?

If yes, why?

If not, why not?

I personally would not because our values and the way we go about life, raising children, living our happiest lives, would be way too different.

With an orange person, it would be less different, but still quite different.

With a green person, it would be even less different, but still different, altho it should be doable. Would I be the happiest? Probably not.

But with someone who holds similar values to me, loves exploring spirituality, truth, big picture, critical thinking and systems thinking? I would enjoy the hell out of it. This is also a person I can actually rely on, whenever I have a low moment in life.

With a less psychologically developed person / more unconscious, I wouldn’t necessarily be able to rely on, simply because they are way more stuck in survival.

Is this me being superior? Or is this just a neutral fact?

Edited 2 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

26 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Argh - happy to receive the gut punch 🤣

Why are you up 

[integral]

10 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Think of it this way:

Would you date and invest a HUGE chunk of your life, energy, time and resources into building a relationship with a stage red person?

If yes, why?

If not, why not?

I personally would not because our values and the way we go about life, raising children, living our happiest lives, would be way too different.

With an orange person, it would be less different, but still quite different.

With a green person, it would be even less different, but still different, altho it should be doable. Would I be the happiest? Probably not.

But with someone who holds similar values to me, loves exploring spirituality, truth, big picture, critical thinking and systems thinking? I would enjoy the hell out of it. This is also a person I can actually rely on, whenever I have a low moment in life.

With a less psychologically developed person / more unconscious, I wouldn’t necessarily be able to rely on, simply because they are way more stuck in survival.

Is this me being superior? Or is this just a neutral fact?

I 100% agree

• What a relationship mostly is, is a fast path to growth. Both of you have to be growing constantly to learn how to be a healthy human being inside the relationship.
• This is because you're both deeply immature. People are going to project a bunch of stuff onto your partner, wanting them to be things they cannot be.
• This continues until you both finally stop playing that foolish game, accept the flaws in each other, and move on.

 

[Miguel1]

@integral I agree with you that one of the main functions of a relationship is to grow together. I notice that I get bored the moment I am no longer challenged in the relationship.

The issue is then you will make your partner feel extremely unloved, when you push them to grow. This is not sustainable and I learned it the hard way.

The real solution is to find a partner who has a natural desire to grow, and to explore the topics and to do the work we do here. But this is extremely rare, if you also need them to be youthful and fairly physically attractive.

I am still quite young and very youthful, so I find it hard to be attracted to older people, where it would be easier to find what I am looking for.

One of the downsides of this work is you outgrow everyone around you, by miles.

And no, this is not being egotistical. It is being truthful, if you actually do this work seriously.

[zurew]

7 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Is this me being superior? Or is this just a neutral fact?

The reason why people attacked you about superiority is because you framed the problem as a "im suffering from my own success" issue and you also negatively framed people who engage in or are interested in activities and norms that you aren't interested in.

You could have framed it as a "Look, my issue is that, given my standards, I have a very hard time finding friends and finding love."  - but you didnt do that.

Rather than focusing on changing your standards or adjusting your screening process so that you can find people who meet those standards, you framed yourself as a victim who is suffering because you believe you're miles above everyone else.

[Miguel1]

@zurew When you approach 50 000 people, and still don’t find your people, perhaps you’ll know what I mean then.

[Miguel1]

All I did was, I had a low moment, was vulnerable, and expressed here, hoping to have some support and mutual thoughts.

Instead, I got labelled a bunch of times as egotistical, superior, and now victimhood.

But a few people showed me real support. The people who actually goes out, has done the work and the approaches, and actually knows how empty it can become to meet so many people, yet connecting with none; just pushing their unconscious buttons to get reactions out of them.

[Elliott]

1 hour ago, Jirh said:

It's not realistic or pragmatic to select a partner based on this criterion of disablement. Nobody counts for this possibility because it's rare statistically.

Lol, yes yes, be like everyone else, how could i be so foolish!!!

You don't understand what I said, read my previous posts here. I don't mean 'I want someone to talk to in case she gets disabled' lmao.

Edited 1 hour ago by Elliott

[zurew]

24 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

@zurew When you approach 50 000 people, and still don’t find your people, perhaps you’ll know what I mean then.

That doesnt respond to what I said.

Again that issue is compatible with you having such a standard set that most people on the planet wont be able to satisfy. (but that isnt anything special, a lot of people will tell you the exact same story about them having big issues with connecting with other people and a lot of people also have such a standard set that most people wont be able to satisfy).

And probably a good chunk of them also frame it as a "I am miles above most people" issue as well.

Edited 1 hour ago by zurew

[Miguel1]

18 minutes ago, zurew said:

And probably a good chunk of them also frame it as a "I am miles above most people" issue as well.

To deny that my psychological and spiritual development is miles ahead of an average 25 year old girl in the mainstream space, would be untruthful.

Why would we be interested in that?

[Joseph Maynor]

42 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

All I did was, I had a low moment, was vulnerable, and expressed here, hoping to have some support and mutual thoughts.

Instead, I got labelled a bunch of times as egotistical, superior, and now victimhood.

But a few people showed me real support. The people who actually goes out, has done the work and the approaches, and actually knows how empty it can become to meet so many people, yet connecting with none; just pushing their unconscious buttons to get reactions out of them.

I support you.  This is just the trolling that happens online.

[zurew]

17 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

To deny that my psychological and spiritual development is miles ahead of an average 25 year old girl in the mainstream space, would be untruthful.

Why would we be interested in that?

Depends on what kind of model you want to use for that and depends on how you define development.

But on the other hand , if we are talking about why people should be interested in things - im not sure why people here would be interested in you using spiral dynamics and self diagnosing yourself as a tier 2 person (a lot of people on this forum do the same move and it is cringe and meaningless)  or   you defining "higher" development just simply based on the standard set that you have.

Edited 37 minutes ago by zurew

[Miguel1]

9 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I support you.  This is just the trolling that happens online.

Thank you so much.

The truth is, it is painful to keep building a relationship with a girl, taking a real liking to her, then having to drop her due to incompatibility. And grieving it. Over and over again.

This is so painful. If I didn’t have the right music and my dancing to process and release the grieving, I would not be able to keep going. I would become cold and closed off.

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

You guys are really gonna shit on one of the very, very few legit people in here, keep at it and soon there's only gonna be cringe people left. Like me, for example lol

[Miguel1]

@zurew I have not said I am tier 2. There are other ways to measure development, than just Spiral Dynamics.

But certainly I have some tier 2 traits in me.

[Joseph Maynor]

Some people on here are so spiritual they lost their humanity lol.  

[Miguel1]

1 minute ago, NewKidOnTheBlock said:

You guys are really gonna shit on one of the very, very few legit people in here, keep at it and soon there's only gonna be cringe people left. Like me, for example lol

Wow, thank you.

[Elliott]

It's just black and white thinking. 'It's bad to have unrealistic standards, therefore you must have no desires!'

Go marry that homeless person, Actualizers, cut out all that Ego! No one is perfect, she'll do your sexual needs and then panhandle all day!!!

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

5 minutes ago, Elliott said:

Go marry that homeless person, Actualizers, cut out all that Ego! No one is perfect, she'll do your sexual needs and then panhandle all day!!!

Lowkey not a bad plan, the more crack she consumes, the better