Are You Aligned In Life?

[Miguel1]

Hey everyone, I haven’t been very active here lately because I’ve been quite busy with life.

I have been doing much more socializing than I had planned for this summer. I did eventually reach a point now, where I am quite burned off from all the social games, superficiality, fakery and manipulations.

And so, I was inspired to create this thread to open a space for you to reflect:

”Am I aligned with what I am doing in life right now?”

”Is this what I want?”

”Is this headed to where I want my life to go?”

- - - - -

How are you doing?

Personally, as much as I want intimacy with another human being, the games that I have to play to get it.. the juice is not necessarily worth the squeeze at this point in my life anymore.

And so, this saddens me quite deeply. Being alone is very hard as a natural extrovert.

Any extroverts here that struggles with this?

I wish I was able to be fully content being alone for the rest of my life. Damn, it’s hard.

Edited 3 hours ago by Miguel1

[Wilhelm44]

8 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

the games that I have to play to get it

What specifically do you mean here ?

[Miguel1]

2 minutes ago, Wilhelm44 said:

What specifically do you mean here ?

Human games. You have been on this forum for over 5 years, you should know.

There is a reason, attracting girls is called ”game”.

Because you are playing mind games, rather than being truthful and honest.

There is a reason why the wisest and most conscious sages are alone. They are not interested in playing human games.

Edited 3 hours ago by Miguel1

[Wilhelm44]

3 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Human games. You have been on this forum for over 5 years, you should know.

There is a reason, attracting girls is called ”game”.

Because you are playing mind games, rather than being truthful and honest.

There is a reason why the wisest and most conscious sages are alone. They are not interested in playing human games.

I am married. I met my wife without having to play any games. It happened quite unexpectedly. I had a facebook group at the time where I was waxing lyrically about the magic of reality. Unbeknownst to me my future wife was in the group. She said it happened 3 days in a row that I posted something and somehow she was having the exact same insight that day. She sent me a message and that's how we met. Life has a funny way of getting people together when it's meant to be.

(Is that why Adyashanti, Tolle, Spira etc are all either married or in long term relationships)

[Miguel1]

For me, dating is extremely hard because I am used to the best looking girls. And for the past 5 years that I was in a relationship (and did hardcore actualized work), I grew my emotional and psychological age like 10-20 years at least.

Now that I am single, you could say that my emotional and psychological age is of an 40-50 years old’s. Yet, I don’t get attracted to older people, nor younger ones that are not that physically attractive (I am used to the best).

So, not only my emtional age is way higher than the girls’ I am attracted to, but also the girls that I am attracted most likely haven’t had to develop themselves psychologically too much (due to being spoiled).

Despite all this, my brain is wired for deep intimacy and human connections.

And like Natasha said the other day (paraphasing): she needs someone with whom she can have meaningful conversations with.

For me to have a proper connection and intimacy with a girl, I need to be attracted to her physically, but also intellectually (to a certain degree).

So as a 31 years old, I am looking to find someone who is 24-28 (ideally 24-26), is emotionally relatively mature, doesn’t have much baggage and traumas at all, has secure attachment style, is overall a good human being with a good heart, is capable of relaxing into her feminine with me, and also is wise and intelligent enough to have some meaningful conversations with me here and there — and oh yeah, is also physically quite attractive.

If I find a girl who has all these qualities and is ”8/10” attractive, it would be a dream. But it feels like trying to find a unicorn.

What makes it harder is how do you attract such a girl? Do you apply your best game to her? Or do you lower your game as much as possible to screen for this girl, because a girl like this would appreciate mature, conscious behaviour, right?

At this point in my spiritual and psychological development, applying hard game is exhausting as hell because it is purely dishonesty. My brain chemistry is so wired for honesty and being truthful that going against it feels like pushing a huge rock forward.

- - - - -

Sorry this turned out to be my release thread.

But please, this is not just about me. Feel free to share how is it going with you all? Are you aligned in life? Get in touch with your heart and me know.

Edited 3 hours ago by Miguel1

[Rishabh R]

@Miguel1 Alignment is not something that one gets through one time reflection but rather using reflection as a starting point and then acting in alignment with your priorities over and over again.

What I have noticed is that more I align myself with my values more I have the feeling of fullness. It must be practiced day to day . You can use Ai to create an alignment tracker too.

[Miguel1]

3 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

@Miguel1 Alignment is not something that one gets through one time reflection but rather using reflection as a starting point and then acting in alignment with your priorities over and over again.

What I have noticed is that more I align myself with my values more I have the feeling of fullness. It must be practiced day to day . You can use Ai to create an alignment tracker too.

Yes of course. This is just not supposed to be a fix-it-all thread.

Just a place to be a bit more vulnerable and open, than usual.

[UnbornTao]

You do it (socialize, party, etc. - nothing wrong with that), and afterwards, contrasted with some ideal you have about what it means to be "truthful," you seem to complain about what you did and justify it in order to preserve your self-image as a "conscious" human being. It sounds like an excuse that lets you engage in "social games" while at the same time feeling superior to others.

It sounds to me like the "excluded guy at the party" meme template: he's at the party, and at the same time wants to feel special about it.

Becoming conscious of one's excuses and intentions is more real than pretending or hiding one's motives in order to preserve the way one sees oneself.

Edited 2 hours ago by UnbornTao

[Miguel1]

22 minutes ago, Wilhelm44 said:

I am married. I met my wife without having to play any games. It happened quite unexpectedly. I had a facebook group at the time where I was waxing lyrically about the magic of reality. Unbeknownst to me my future wife was in the group. She said it happened 3 days in a row that I posted something and somehow she was having the exact same insight that day. She sent me a message and that's how we met. Life has a funny way of getting people together when it's meant to be.

(Is that why Adyashanti, Tolle, Spira etc are all either married or in long term relationships)

There are plenty of mature and older women out there that I meet and want to pursue dating with me.

I can’t find them attractive, no matter how much I try (not assuming your wife is older).

[Miguel1]

 

2 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

You do it (socialize, party, etc. -nothing wrong with that), and then, contrasted with some ideal you have about what it means to be "truthful," you complain about what you did in order to preserve your self-image as a "conscious" human being. It sounds like an excuse that lets you engage in "social games" while at the same time feeling superior to others.

It sounds to me like the "excluded guy at the party" meme template: he's at the party, and at the same time wants to feel special about it.

Becoming conscious of one's excuses and intentions is more real than pretending or hiding one's motives in order to preserve the way one sees oneself.

Can you make this simpler to understand? What are you trying to say?

[Wilhelm44]

17 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

But it feels like trying to find a unicorn.

It seems to happen when you least expect it.

(Love don't care about statistical probabilities.)

[Miguel1]

2 minutes ago, Wilhelm44 said:

It seems to happen when you least expect it.

(Love don't care about statistical probabilities.)

I think this is too reductionist.

Plenty of being wait their whole lives, and nothing happens.

On the other hand, my natural extrovertness makes it very hard for me to just be passive and wait patiently.

[Wilhelm44]

Just now, Miguel1 said:

I think this is too reductionist.

Plenty of being wait their whole lives, and nothing happens.

On the other hand, my natural extrovertness makes it very hard for me to just be passive and wait patiently.

It's not about waiting. If you keep doing you and keep growing in self love, it becomes inevitable.

[Miguel1]

1 minute ago, Wilhelm44 said:

It's not about waiting. If you keep doing you and keep growing in self love, it becomes inevitable.

Don’t you think you are basing such strong statement simply in blief?

You have no real proof that it actually is inevitable for most people.

In theory it does make sense. For example, if I keep on focusing on building my conscious business and art, I am WAY more likely to find what I am looking for, than in the general socializing spaces of the mainstream culture.

[Wilhelm44]

7 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

You have no real proof that it actually is inevitable for most people.

Most people are not on the kind of journey we are on here.

(An interesting exercise might be: Imagine the woman of your dreams shows up on your doorstep right now.

Then notice if there is any hesitation/contraction in the body that might be pushing away, or resisting, the very thing that you say you want.)

Edited 2 hours ago by Wilhelm44

[Miguel1]

@Wilhelm44 If my dream woman appeared in front of my door, I would receive her with open arms and love.

I have dated so many people, during my whole adult life, that I would know how to fully appreciate a truly beautiful soul.

Edited 2 hours ago by Miguel1

[Wilhelm44]

1 minute ago, Miguel1 said:

@Wilhelm44 If my dream woman appeared in front of my door, I would receive her with open arms and love.

I have dated so many people, during my whole adult life, that I would know how to fully appreciate a truly beautiful soul.

Then my next question would be: How comfortable are you with being alone/single for now ?

[Miguel1]

2 minutes ago, Wilhelm44 said:

Then my next question would be: How comfortable are you with being alone/single for now ?

Probably 7-8/10.

Where are you leading this?

[Miguel1]

This thread is not just about me and my dating problems.

How is everyone doing?

If this remains just as my topic, then we will move it to the dating sub-forum.

[Wilhelm44]

2 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Probably 7-8/10.

I could be wrong, but I think if there was a recipe for this whole thing, it seems like the closer we can get that number to a 10, and just lose ourselves in life for a while without even thinking about any of this, the more fertile the ground becomes for love to surprise us, seemingly out of nowhere.