I miss myself

[enchanted]

22 hours ago, ladelle said:

I miss the person I was before I took the spiritual path. I didn’t even chose to take this path, it just happened to me. I want my old self back, I want her back, I miss her, where is she? Am I the only one to feel this way?

Yes that's an uncomfortable feeling I've also had. It's funny because one has to be careful what they wish for. We go into spirituality to change our lives but then the change is actually scary, not pleasant. 

Furthermore we can't always get what we want. If everyone on China and India wanted (and got) a car the world would end. Not enough resources or room. 

Edited yesterday at 07:19 PM by enchanted

[Mellowmarsh]

It’s nothing to do with changing your life, or not getting what you want.

It’s about being aware of your nonexistence. It’s about innately and intuitively knowing you don’t exist the way you thought you did.

It's about knowing you know nothing.

[enchanted]

3 hours ago, Mellowmarsh said:

It’s nothing to do with changing your life, or not getting what you want.

It’s about being aware of your nonexistence. It’s about innately and intuitively knowing you don’t exist the way you thought you did.

It's about knowing you know nothing.

Right, and some people WANT this awareness so that it will CHANGE their life in some way (like having more peace or quieter mind etc).

Edited 20 hours ago by enchanted

[Mellowmarsh]

6 hours ago, enchanted said:

Right, and some people WANT this awareness so that it will CHANGE their life in some way (like having more peace or quieter mind etc).

That’s why death is the greatest of all gift.

Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.

[Joseph Maynor]

You never lose yourself.

[Mellowmarsh]

29 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

You never lose yourself.

You never find yourself.

[Sugarcoat]

On 2026-06-12 at 10:16 AM, ladelle said:

You think it will manifest? I’m tired to feel like I live more in my imagination than in the physical reality

Depends on what you mean, if youre looking for that feeling of existing or if youre looking to be a certain way

Do you feel it's hard to pay attention to the world around you? I can relate to that

Edited 10 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Flowerfaeiry]

When I was 22 I sat in my first Vipassana retreat. At that point I had taken psychedelics a fair amount of times, during which I had encounters with what I thought was divine light (God). 
 

After the meditation retreat in which I had an awakening, I officially set foot on a spiritual path.
 

I became obsessed with finding out what the answer to the mystery was. Fueled by plenty of psychedelics, therapies, healing retreats, etc. I thought I was getting closer and closer to finding the answers and healing I knew deep in my soul was possible. 
 

But with the high of finding out some new truth and thinking I finally got it, came a new layer of questions and going back to the drawing board. 
 

I so deeply wanted to find myself, to find peace, to feel spiritually satisfied. I knew this was possible because I had caught  glimpses of this on my 14 year spiritual journey. 
 

But toward the end I was scattered, lost, confused. I had opened myself up to dark spirits and could no longer fight them off with the things I had learned on the path. 
 

Jesus was my last resort. He saved me from the evil I was involving myself in. He put my soul back together. He healed my depression and suicidal thoughts. He showed me how to enjoy life again. 
 

A spiritual path without Jesus is one of highs and lows that ultimately leads you worse off than when you started. And you don’t even realize it’s happening because it’s masked as love and light. But when he pulls you out you can finally look back and thank him for everything he’s done  

Edited 2 hours ago by Flowerfaeiry

[Monster Energy]

28 minutes ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

But when he pulls you out you can finally look back and thank him for everything he’s done  

Why would the living God have a gender?

 

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Monster Energy

[Flowerfaeiry]

@Monster EnergyThat’s a good question and it’s not one I have the answer to. It does seem like, if God is so big and powerful why does he need a gender? And there are certain answers I could come up with that may provide some explanation.
 

I think too, why wouldn’t he have a gender? Look at our world and see how powerful gender is in life. If we are made in God’s image as the Bible says we are, that to me says gender is something meaningful. 

[Monster Energy]

7 minutes ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

@Monster EnergyThat’s a good question and it’s not one I have the answer to. It does seem like, if God is so big and powerful why does he need a gender? And there are certain answers I could come up with that may provide some explanation.
 

I think too, why wouldn’t he have a gender? Look at our world and see how powerful gender is in life. If we are made in God’s image as the Bible says we are, that to me says gender is something meaningful. 

It’s not about God being the most powerful being, etc. It feels like a low level of consciousness and a biased decision for God to choose a gender. Can’t you see that people will wonder why He would choose to be male and not female?

Some might think this question sounds silly, but when you really think deeply about the nature of existence, it’s not a stupid question.

Still, I’m glad you were honest and said you don’t know. More religious people should be able to admit that.

 

[Flowerfaeiry]

17 minutes ago, Monster Energy said:

It’s not about God being the most powerful being, etc. It feels like a low level of consciousness and a biased decision for God to choose a gender. Can’t you see that people will wonder why He would choose to be male and not female?

Some might think this question sounds silly, but when you really think deeply about the nature of existence, it’s not a stupid question.

Still, I’m glad you were honest and said you don’t know. More religious people should be able to admit that.

 

God tells us many times in the Bible how important wisdom and understanding is. These are not silly questions.  God tells us wisdom is the principal thing, and with all of our getting, to get understanding. Proverbs 4:7. He also tells us that if we seek, we will find. Matthew 7:7. That’s his promise to us. If we want the truth bad enough, we will find it  Good luck on your journey!

 

[Monster Energy]

31 minutes ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

Good luck on your journey!

 

Wishing you all the best on your journey too.