Advice For Becoming Celibate?

[Butterflystory]

I've been trying to give up all things sexual for months now, no luck. It's been more than a year since i first tried to quit porn/masturbation, and i haven't been able to. Do any of you have any advice? I'm really struggling here.

[SFRL]

Why? 

[Prabhaker]

@Butterflystory

Osho Quotes on Celibacy

Celibacy can only be spontaneous, there is no other type of celibacy. If it is not spontaneous, it is not celibacy. You can force it. you can control your sexuality, but that is not going to help. You will not be celibate, you will be only more and more sexual. Sex will spread all over your being. It will become part of your unconscious. It will move your dreams, it will become your motivation in dreams, it will become your fantasy. In fact, you will become more sexual than you ever were before. You will think more about it and you will have to repress it again and again.

And whatsoever is repressed has to be repressed again because victory is never complete. There is no way to destroy sex by force, by violence. There is no way to control and discipline it. The people who have tried to control and discipline it have made the world very pornographic. Your so-called saints have a very pornographic mind. If a window can be created and a hole can be made in their heads, you will be able to see just sex, pornography. it is bound to be so. It is natural.

Never enforce any celibacy on yourself. Try to understand what sexuality is, go deep into it. It has a tremendous beauty of its own. It is one of the profoundest mysteries of life. Life comes out of it -- it has to be a great mystery. Sex is not sin; repression is a sin. Sex is very natural, very spontaneous. You have not done anything to have it, it is inborn, it is part of your being. Don't condemn it, don't judge it, don't fear it, don't fight with it. Simply go into it more -- more meditatively. Let it happen in such silence, in such deep acceptance, that you can know the very core of it. The moment you penetrate to the very core of sexual orgasm you will see sex is losing its appeal for you, you r energy is moving in a higher plane, you are becoming more loving and less sexual. And this happens spontaneously.

Try to force celibacy upon yourself and your dreams will become sexual, they will have a quality of sexuality.

People who try to control themselves have chosen a very foolish way. Control will not happen, but they will become cold. That is the only way a man can control himself -- to become frozen so that energy does not arise. People who take the vows of celibacy will not eat much; in fact, they will starve their bodies. If more energy is created in the body, then there will be more sex energy, and then they don't know what to do with it. So Buddhist monks eat only once a day -- and then too, not enough. They eat only enough that bodily needs are fulfilled, very minimum needs, so no energy is left. This type of celibacy is not celibacy. When you are flowing with energy and the energy starts transforming itself into love, then a celibacy, a BRAHMACHARYA, which is beautiful, happens.

I have come across people who think that without long fasting there is no possibility of meditation. Now, fasting has nothing to do with meditation. Fasting will only make you obsessed with food. And there are people who think celibacy will help them into meditation. Meditation brings a kind of celibacy, but not vice versa. A celibacy without meditation is nothing but sexual repression. And your mind will become more and more sexual, so whenever you sit to meditate your mind will become full of fantasies, sexual fantasies. These two things have been the greatest problems for the so-called meditators: fasting and celibacy. They think these two things are going to help -- they are the greatest disturbances!

Eat in right proportions. Buddha calls it "the middle way": neither too much nor too little. He is against fasting, and he knows it through hard experience. For six years he fasted and could not attain to anything. So when he says, "Be in the middle," he means it. About celibacy also: don't enforce it upon yourself. It is a by-product of meditation, hence it cannot be enforced before meditation. Be in the middle there too, neither too much indulgence nor too much renunciation. Just keep a balance. A balanced person will be more healthy, at ease, at home. And when you are at home, meditation is easier. What then is meditation? Just sitting silently doing nothing, witnessing whatsoever is happening all around; just watching it with no prejudice, no conclusion, no idea what is wrong and what is right.

In the name of celibacy, sex has been repressed for centuries and you have become just full of sexuality. Rather than transcending it you are boiling within.

Remember, there are two types of celibates. One: who has simply forced celibacy upon himself -- he is a wrong type, he is doing violence to himself. The other: who has tried to understand sexuality, what it is, why it is; who has watched, observed, lived through it, and, by and by, has become aware of its futility; by and by, has become aware of a deep frustration that comes after EACH sexual act. In the sexual act you have a certain thrill, a moment of forgetfulness, a moment of oblivion. You feel good -- for a few seconds, only for a few seconds, you drop out of this routine world. Sex gives you a door to escape into some other world -- which is non-tense; there is no worry; you are simply relaxed and melting. But have you observed? After each sexual act you feel frustrated.

Sex has promised too much, but it has not been supplied. It is difficult to find a man or a woman who does not feel a little frustrated after the sexual act, who does not feel a little guilty. I am not talking about the guilt that priests have imposed upon you. Even if nobody has imposed any guilt upon you, you will feel a little guilt -- that is part, a shadow of the sexual act. You have lost energy, you feel depleted, and nothing has been gained. The gain is not very substantial. You have been befooled, you have been tricked, by a natural hypnosis -- you have been tricked by the body, you have been deceived. Hence comes a frustration.

That's why real awareness always leads you beyond sex, and celibacy happens on its own accord. Because to be in sex you have either to be identified with the male or identified with the female. A real celibate is one who has gone beyond, who is neither.

Celibacy is one of the most unnatural things. It has destroyed so many human beings -- millions -- Catholic monks, Hindu monks, Buddhist monks, Jaina monks, nuns. For centuries they have been teaching celibacy; and the most amazing thing is, even in the twentieth century, not a single medical expert, physiologist, has stood up and said that celibacy is impossible, that in the very nature of things, it cannot happen.

[ajasatya]

@Butterflystory yes, i've done it. it's extremely liberating.

• body: practice yoga. one of the purposes of yogasanas is to channel sexual energy to other areas of your being.
• mind: practice compassion. when thinking of a woman, be aware of the fact that she suffers greatly and needs to be acknowledged as a true human being instead of simply a means for your own sexual satisfaction.

try to attain this kind of look when looking at people:

[Dan Arnautu]

Do this. It works like a charm.

[Lynnel]

2 hours ago, ajasatya said:

 

• mind: practice compassion. when thinking of a woman, be aware of the fact that she suffers greatly and needs to be acknowledged as a true human being instead of simply a means for your own sexual satisfaction.

 

hmmm... sorry ? Why would she ( any random woman) be suffering by default ( and greatly !! ) ?

[ajasatya]

6 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

hmmm... sorry ? Why would she ( any random woman) be suffering by default ( and greatly !! ) ?

some women may not suffer from being reduced to a sexual object. in fact, it may even be a fetish. but it's a particular case. even for those women it doesn't work in the long run. everyone (man or woman) likes true affection.

the vast majority of the women i met appreciated the fact that i would listen to them and look at them without malice, trying to know their deepest sufferings. they felt great because it always had been extremely rare for them to talk with a friendly man in this machist society.

as a result of compassionate listening, they release a lot of suffering and cry their pains out, which contain horrifying childhood traumas very often.

another result is the fact that i was able to master my sexuality, of course. that's why i said what i said when the guy asked about celibacy.