How to stop taking other's rude comments seriously.

[Rishabh R]

Many people in the past have treated me rudely bullied me. Right now I am out of college and into the corporate world but the same thing guys keep telling me over and over again- You won't get a girlfriend. Even getting a girl would be a huge achievement for you. While I don't want to marry  despite the fact that I am still single but there were few girls who were receptive to me. My parents tell me that after my career is stabilized (the same thing which I want and am working towards ) they will get me arranged married which I don't want .In my college and school I was rejected by girls , mistreated and abused.My mind keeps playing the scenario of old rejections ,mistreatment as if it is happening in the present.

By the way I have set a standard for myself that I will only spend time with a girl whom I like and who treats me decently.

Is not caring about their comments a way out ? Or are their comments pointing to something deeper ? 

As per responsibility part I am responsible for finding a better girl.

Also I am confused , I want love but honestly I don't want to get married. Whom I will marry will have her own past relationships with men and here me being single my entire life despite taking action, despite cold approaching women in India, despite finding a few receptive women who treated decently.

I am not giving up on girls but the thing is that I am suffering due to other people's actions. Right now I am trying to embrace my suffering instead of running from it.

What I have noticed from this forum that some people behave decently while others behave awfully. And people no matter how rude or pleasant they are they come and go from life.

I also observed that few years back when I was watching Leo's how to get laid series . I assumed that there will be no girl in my city but I questioned that assumption and there was a girl smiling at me holding prolonged eye contact with me . That series is powerful - Weather you beleive you can or can't you are right .

Thank you forum members and @Leo Gura.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xtybd4DDqFo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAaBXlC8-bU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44LQLXt476o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

 

Edited 3 hours ago by Raze

[caspex]

Not taking a rude comment seriously does not mean ignoring somebody, what it means is being able to hit back at them. 

It is not a viable expectation for yourself to not care about rude comments if you are simply gonna ignore these people or agree with them. You are being unfair to yourself. You HAVE to hit back if you want yourself to not take them seriously.

I have come to a point where I take criticism very easily. They can be 100% correct and I won't give a fuck. This is because I get to decide what I think of as a problem; not them.

 

I live in New Delhi, had some friends similar to yours. I told them to fuck off. I always turned it into a joke:

"You won't get a girlfriend. Even getting a girl would be a huge achievement for you." I'd say something like, ' I got your mom last night though ' . This is the type of humor they expect. People start kicking down their insecurities onto you once they know you won't hit back. 

Know this, it DOESN'T MATTER even if what they say is 100% correct. It doesn't matter BECAUSE it's them saying it. With social interaction you must value relationship OVER truth.

You have a clear standard set for what kind of a woman you want. The only problem you likely face is not enough action and initiative. But understand that it's YOU who gets to decide whether that's a problem or not, not your 'friends'.

[Rishabh R]

@caspex I too live in India. So, it's actually their insecurity that is being projected upon me. I remember once in college I started ignoring a toxic senior I mean I stopped talking to him. It pissed him off .

[caspex]

15 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

@caspex I too live in India. So, it's actually their insecurity that is being projected upon me. I remember once in college I started ignoring a toxic senior I mean I stopped talking to him. It pissed him off .

At the start it is like a test. If you can joke back they take you into the group, if you can't you get discriminated against. 

Ignoring is usually saying "I am better than you, I am not gonna waste my time on you". The other person picks this up, and if you are gonna say you're better, you better prove it to him.
This is why ignoring bullies is usually not a good idea. 

You have to hold your ground, get into a few confrontations, sometimes fights. Playing it too safe will have you very frustrated in life.

Quick note about confrontations and fights, always make sure to play it smart. They should be the one to have hit you first, and you must be in the presence of a bunch of people who can act as witnesses and also stop your fight. This method works wonderfully. If you agree to go somewhere remote to fight or leave yourself open after confrontations, you are asking for accidents. Never get into street fights. I am talking a fight where people can actually prevent you from fighting. Just them knowing you are ready to throw hands is usually enough to get them off your back.

 

During a 15-day orientation course, a big social group, mostly men, formed quickly. I never fully joined it because a lot of the dynamic felt driven by people wanting to fit in. After a few days, some guys in the group started testing me during breaks — small disrespectful comments at first, which I ignored.

Instead of stopping, it escalated into direct insults. Eventually I confronted one of them in the main area where everybody else was present and asked what the problem was. He tried to play it off as a joke, then hit me first when the argument escalated. I hit him back once before people pulled us apart.

After that, the harassment stopped completely, and the same people treated me very differently afterward. That experience convinced me that ignoring disrespect does not always work. Some people read silence as weakness and keep pushing until they meet resistance. 

[caspex]

28 minutes ago, caspex said:

During a 15-day orientation course, a big social group, mostly men, formed quickly. I never fully joined it because a lot of the dynamic felt driven by people wanting to fit in. After a few days, some guys in the group started testing me during breaks — small disrespectful comments at first, which I ignored.

Instead of stopping, it escalated into direct insults. Eventually I confronted one of them in the main area where everybody else was present and asked what the problem was. He tried to play it off as a joke, then hit me first when the argument escalated. I hit him back once before people pulled us apart.

After that, the harassment stopped completely, and the same people treated me very differently afterward. That experience convinced me that ignoring disrespect does not always work. Some people read silence as weakness and keep pushing until they meet resistance. 

Just to add, since this is the dating section of the forum:

Two days later one of the girls actually approached me for a friendship. Through her I made friends to maybe 80% of the women in the batch within the last few days. I was not looking for relationships so I never converted any of the friendships into one but this goes to show you that just a little bit of guts can get you more attention from the opposite gender.