Decentering Man.

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

15 hours ago, Basman said:

If your grandstanding your probably not truly genuine. It's more like a narcissistic kind of emotional expression and yelling at clouds while patting yourself on the back for being such a decent human being. 

I think this post and this topic in general, shouldn't have been made, after all it's made by some dude, we should all work our best on decentering ourselves so that we maximize comfort and safety of women. This response to you is also reduntant and so it should be deleted, but I'm going to use my unearned privilage for the last time to make an appeal to the OP; please bro, delete this topic

Edited Wednesday at 02:08 PM by NewKidOnTheBlock

[enchanted]

On 12/05/2026 at 0:15 PM, Lila9 said:

I unfortunately no longer expect an intelligent, respectful, and grounded conversation here, especially on matters that are not directly related to men’s romantic issues.

Not only are people here very reactive and have a short attention span, but many of them also see the world through their unfulfilled desires and a resentful view of women, which distorts any grounded thinking and truth.

I bet no one has read the article and no one is going to read it.

You are free to leave anytime. It's not like your comments are that great either. If all you find on this forum is argument than perhaps you are the common denominator and your communication style needs work. 

Pro tip: calling everyone the forum unintelligent, reactive, ungrounded, and distorted is an example of what not to do if you are looking for productive and thought provoking conversation. 

The irony is that you exhibit many of the criticisms you mentioned above as you seem to also have a "resentful view of men, which distorts any grounded thinking and truth." 

Edited Wednesday at 06:58 PM by enchanted

[No1Here2c]

The blindspots of our own are the hardest to spot.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

On 13/05/2026 at 2:15 AM, Lila9 said:

I unfortunately no longer expect an intelligent, respectful, and grounded conversation here, especially on matters that are not directly related to men’s romantic issues.

Not only are people here very reactive and have a short attention span, but many of them also see the world through their unfulfilled desires and a resentful view of women, which distorts any grounded thinking and truth.

I bet no one has read the article and no one is going to read it.

I've had multiple at length discussions with you about this - it's your communication style that polarises people. You claim consistently that anyone speaking to you in good faith will know what you mean. But users aren't mind readers, and when you use imprecise language you can't expect people to understand a nuanced take.

The constant black and white statements. Absolute 'all men' blanket generalizations, and inability to concede any points, is what digs your own grave. 

I'm not even a dude and I take offence to many of your statements. 

You don't appear to ever take anyone's argument in good faith but demand that others apply this to you.

Edited yesterday at 09:34 AM by Natasha Tori Maru

[Lila9]

1 hour ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I've had multiple at length discussions with you about this - it's your communication style that polarises people. You claim consistently that anyone speaking to you in good faith will know what you mean. But users aren't mind readers, and when you use imprecise language you can't expect people to understand a nuanced take.

The constant black and white statements. Absolute 'all men' blanket generalizations, and inability to concede any points, is what digs your own grave. 

I'm not even a dude and I take offence to many of your statements. 

You don't appear to ever take anyone's argument in good faith but demand that others apply this to you.

My communication style is sincere, yet I do put lots of time and effort in my posts, and they are often backed by resources rather than moody rants.

My communication style is not very different from other men whom you would regard as "rational" and "intelligent" on this forum.

There are men who literally say the most horrible things here, and you will brush it off because they are not women.

I already explained that when I say men, I don't mean all men. It's the same way I say humans and don't mean all humans.

I don't know what else I need to do. I see multiple men here, including you, as a woman, who generalize women, and no one blinks an eye because this is the default.

Why do you hold me to high standards that you not only do not follow yourself but also do not enforce on other men the same way you enforce them on me as a woman? Do you suffer from internalized misogyny? If so, you got some work to do girl. 

I will not shrink myself or fawn to appeal, to be liked, or to be convenient so people who hate women or expect women to shrink themselves feel good. 

I know that I am a very kind person, and I have radical empathy for humans and animals, and I don't need anyone's approval for what is already obvious to me.

I know that I was very kind and respectful on this forum, beyond what is even necessary to people who blatantly disrespected and demonized me which was a very traumatizing experience for me. 

This made me realize that this is not really about my communication style, as I was often gaslighted to believe, but about my presence as a female in a male-biased forum with opinions that challenge the status quo. Please let us be real and stop brushing this under the rug.

As I already said multiple times, those who want to understand me will try to understand me in good faith, without demonizing me, without personally attacking me and my character, without calling me names and disrespecting me, without projecting their biases onto me, and without distorting my words to suit the box they want to put me in.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

26 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

My communication style is sincere, yet I do put lots of time and effort in my posts, and they are often backed by resources rather than moody rants.

My communication style is not very different from other men whom you would regard as "rational" and "intelligent" on this forum.

There are men who literally say the most horrible things here, and you will brush it off because they are not women.

I already explained that when I say men, I don't mean all men. It's the same way I say humans and don't mean all humans.

I don't know what else I need to do. I see multiple men here, including you, as a woman, who generalize women, and no one blinks an eye because this is the default.

Why do you hold me to high standards that you not only do not follow yourself but also do not enforce on other men the same way you enforce them on me as a woman? Do you suffer from internalized misogyny? If so, you got some work to do girl. 

I will not shrink myself or fawn to appeal, to be liked, or to be convenient so people who hate women or expect women to shrink themselves feel good. 

I know that I am a very kind person, and I have radical empathy for humans and animals, and I don't need anyone's approval for what is already obvious to me.

I know that I was very kind and respectful on this forum, beyond what is even necessary to people who blatantly disrespected and demonized me which was a very traumatizing experience for me. 

This made me realize that this is not really about my communication style, as I was often gaslighted to believe, but about my presence as a female in a male-biased forum with opinions that challenge the status quo. Please let us be real and stop brushing this under the rug.

As I already said multiple times, those who want to understand me will try to understand me in good faith, without demonizing me, without personally attacking me and my character, without calling me names and disrespecting me, without projecting their biases onto me, and without distorting my words to suit the box they want to put me in.

You aren't actually understanding or trying to understand and getting sidetracked by all these secondary points. 

All good, I can see I am not received. C'est la vie 

[Lila9]

The thread was derailed by unrelated comments to the article, despite what the thread opener respectfully requested, and no mod says anything. So convenient.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

5 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

The thread was derailed by unrelated comments to the article, despite what the thread opener respectfully requested, and no mod says anything. So convenient.

You participated in derailing it. 

Feel free to bring it back in line. 

Threads go off track and roll right back onto topic - sometimes for pages and pages at a time. 

Use the report function if you want something done - that way all mods will asses and unanimously decide. Avoids bias (if you suspect that) and assists mods.

[Lila9]

51 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

You participated in derailing it. 

Feel free to bring it back in line. 

Threads go off track and roll right back onto topic - sometimes for pages and pages at a time. 

Use the report function if you want something done - that way all mods will asses and unanimously decide. Avoids bias (if you suspect that) and assists mods.

Of course, the problem is always me. 

It's not my job to do your job. Work on your bias as a mod because this is disturbing.

Edited 22 hours ago by Lila9

[Natasha Tori Maru]

14 hours ago, Lila9 said:

Of course, the problem is always me. 

It's not my job to do your job.

Responsibility is on us all, regardless of fault.

Quote

Work on your bias as a mod because this is disturbing.

The same could be said for yourself. Don't get all confused. This isn't about content and more about how you communicate.

On a wider note - my comments around communication style play into how this thread has evolved.

I have no issue steering any thread back on topic, but users who are entrenched in bias shoot themselves in the foot when they cannot have a good faith, cohesive & wholistic view of a topic. This ends up causing the derailing again and again. This is a common pattern for these types of threads on the forum, and my advice is to prevent this. Even if it falls of deaf ears.

This goes for all users - not singling you out @Lila9

 

Edited 7 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Lila9]

6 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

This goes for all users - not singling you out @Lila9

So don’t tag only me. Stop being hyperfixated on me. Stop over-obsessing and overassessing my posts while you don’t do the same for others.

This is why I can’t take any critique or advice from you seriously because of the bullying and witch hunt you take part in. 

So many people derailed this thread, but you decided to target me and my post which was neutral assement intended only to the OP.

 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

14 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

So don’t tag only me. Stop being hyperfixated on me. Stop over-obsessing and overassessing my posts while you don’t do the same for others.

This is why I can’t take any critique or advice from you seriously because of the bullying and witch hunt you take part in. 

So many people derailed this thread, but you decided to target me and my post which was neutral assement intended only to the OP.

This victim mindset is half the problem.

I speak to lots of members individually like this. You aren't special. 

Peace 

[Spiral]

@Natasha Tori Maru Perhaps locking this thread is for the best? 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Spiral good suggestion - I'll lock this because it's no longer constructive. 

@Rafael Thundercat feel free to reopen a new topic for discourse relating to the topic. Only closing this so you can make a clean topic. Discussing this stuff is important!