Share mistakes you learned from

[YIDIRYIDIR]

this is an opportunity to be vulnerable, who knows who you might help with you sharing. here are few of my recent mistakes: 

• Used to focus a lot on theory and understanding and i try to translate that myself to practical stuff i can excute on which i fail on mostly obviously and kept me stuck. instead, i should've treated theory and understanding as context for practical stuff, and I should've also searched for practical techniques that are proven already not try to come up with mine on the go. 
• I Was unaware that sometimes i communicate violently which effected some things negatively. 
• I went too deep on understanding and truth seeking to a point where it put me in disillusionment, whereas i should've put most of my attention on practical life and survival, I'm young and don't have enough infrastructure for radical stuff. 
• Not re-evaluating my assumptions enough, too many assumptions held me down. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Used to straight bulldoze wisdom and advice into people when all they wanted to do was vent.  They didn't actually want a solution. Used truth as a weapon to justify my own lack of tact and grace. Now I only bulldoze when other methods don't work huehuehue

Projected my own aptitude and capability onto others. When they displayed ineptitude or weakness I refused to accept it because *I* could do it. Golden shadow. Now I accept others are limited without resentment or holding it against them.

Used to overshare a lot when I went through CPTSD. Openly spoke about being assaulted, tortured and psychologically abused. Couldn't read the room when others reacted strangely. Thank fuck I have healed all these issues! 

Used to judge others for engaging in society and capitalism.

Used to straight judge a lot more. Now I discern more and try remove my own moral feelings from matters. Work in progress 👠🚀❤️

Edited 1 hour ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[WonderSeeker]

I like this thread idea!

One mistake I made — although I wouldn't necessarily redo it now — is trying to build a business and paying for expensive, live PUA programs while already in debt. In other words, taking dumb risks.

I was in my early 20s, fresh out of college, and ambitious, so I said 'fuck it'and racked up credit card debt on top of student debt. Now I'm in my late 20s and a hardcore conservative with my money.

Putting everything that's not non-discretionary expenses straight to debt payments. Should be out of debt in 3 years. Then will take more calculated "risks" when the time's right.

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Another mistake I made was dating an ex-Vegas stripper psychopath. Again, being young, stupid, and horny, I did it for the sex.

Well, ended up with the best sex of any of our lifetimes, but new trauma I had to process after I got the police to drag her away.

Again, I wouldn't necessarily redo this one because it taught me incredibly valuable life lessons I wouldn't learn in any other way (like the PRECISE workings of a narcissist / psychopath, not just a YouTube video about it but direct experience). But I also wouldn't relive it either.

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@YIDIRYIDIR appreciate you sharing this. You've got some interesting ones — I resonate a little bit with the "violent communication" one.

[caspex]

I have a lot in common with @Natasha Tori Maru in the mistakes I have fixed over the past few years.

To add, the most prominent lesson I have learnt in the past year and half is respect towards the suffering of others. I cannot just go up to my friend and fix his problem for him unless he wants to fix it. I respect people and if they want to deal with something themselves they are free to. I will only help those who seek advice from me. Not because 'Don't throw pearls at swine' but because it's their choice if they want help or not. Respect your fellow being. By giving advice to someone who, although may need it, doesn't want it I disrespect their will. I will always be there and I'll have you cognizant of the fact that I CAN help, but not unless you ask me to. 

Respecting suffering has also allowed me to become a better listener and provider of emotional support rather than giving immediate advice. A lot of the times when people vent they do not seek advice but relief. They want someone to confide in. Like a scared animal they seek shelter. I know because I went through this exact phase. A surprising amount of times people know their faults, they just need emotional support to get back up. 

I used to think that having somebody vent their problems to me will fill me up with negativity and affect my life so it is best cut such people off. The truth is that there is a big difference between someone who genuinely vents for support and someone who vents for attention. The latter kind is what you must cut off. 

When humans suffer it is often like being lost in a raging sea not knowing where you will be taken. At such points in life one needs an anchor to hold on to so they can feel safe and then act to get out of that situation. I am continuously learning to become a better anchor for those around me.

In periods of deep and prolonged suffering, even little islands of hope can go a long way. The only real way to mentally survive torture is finding happiness in the little things. A 5 minute walk, the way the sun shines through the window, the great taste of a burger. 

I have grown to love people because I learnt to love myself.