Mushrooms, DMT, and my epistemology

[Apostrophesiah]

I'm a beginner psychonaut, and despite not having tripped that many times, I've had the privilege of being able to access some absurd states of consciousness.

I'm going to go over my two deepest trips so far, what I've derived from them, and some of my problems with this path and Actualized.org.

In my previous trips on mushrooms, I got glimpses of god, oneness, timelessness, and the screen of consciousness, but they were never the full picture. When I took 4g of mushrooms soaked in lemon juice (lemon juice doubles the potency for me) I expected the trip to be significantly shortened, but it stayed just as long, maybe even longer than normal (like 8 hours)

The onset was rapid, in full effect in 20 minutes. I get heavy body load on mushrooms, so I was pretty uncomfortable at this point. The visuals kicked in soon, and a beautiful mosaic rested behind my eyes.

I had been reflecting on one of Leo's claims which is that psychedelics raise your level of consciousness. I'm still not sure if that is true, but I started to get the sense that my consciousness was elevated. Feelings of oneness emerged around this point, and I became aware of the screen of consciousness.

I got up to walk around, and found extreme difficulty doing so. My physical perceptions were very distorted. If I turned my arm right, it felt as though it would twist into a pretzel. If I walked straight, it felt like i was walking diagonally.

After this my bodily perceptions expanded. My physical body seemed to take up more space. My presence seemed to fill the whole basement. I felt very plant like. I felt like a lovecraftian monster. Most accurately I felt like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors, but larger.

At this point there was no sense of being human. I still saw a human body, but all ideas of human-ness were gone. And what was left was a disturbing sense of nothingness. I also had an insight into infinity, but I think it was a sort of one dimensional look at it.

I haven't quiet fully integrated this trip, even three months later, nor do I really think I can integrate it.

My most intense trip was last night, which I finally broke through on DMT, and entered the "hyperspace"

Before with DMT I had two issues. One was the intense body load it gave me, and the other was how irritating the smoke is on my lungs. I attempted to resolve this issue by getting a THC buzz before hand, and it solved both issues.

I then weighed out 25mg, loaded it in my pipe, heated it, and six inhales later, I felt the body load (although not uncomfortable this time) and was getting slight behind the eye visuals (similar to ones I get on mushrooms)

Then it struck me. The visuals became higher "resolution" and merged into my reality, and taking me out of it.

I felt myself traveling through different spaces and in my mind was thinking "this can't be happening"
I would be in a room, and then the visuals would change rapidly and I would be in a different room.

Although I wasn't really in these rooms, I was the rooms. I didn't enter another reality, I became it.

The shifting of rooms became more intense, and increasingly fluid, and mischievous.

It was chaos, and destruction. I had the feeling that this aspect of consciousness wanted to destroy just as much as it wanted to create.

It was the most surreal and euphoric experience I have ever had, yet the most terrifying. I snapped myself out of the hyperspace early. I could have stayed another minute or two, but it was too much. 30 seconds of being another dimension is enough.

After exiting, I paced around my room. The only words I could think was "Holy shit. Holy shit. What the fuck."

The weird thing about these experiences is not because of what they tell you, or what theories you come up with because of them,

It's seeing the shapes the screen of consciousness can take, and how suspiciously easy it can take those shapes...

Before when I saw Leo use "CONSCIOUSNESS" in all capitals, I thought he was being dramatic. But seeing the shapes that consciousness can take, this seems entirely appropriate.

I also understand why "hyperspace" is the name of this place. It doesn't feel like a place, but one that connects all existing possible spaces.

I'm incredible grateful that God keeps himself hidden from him. If God in its truest form is anything like where I went, I'm not ready for God.

My goal is still God/Truth/Infinity/Love. Even if this is all horseshit, I will still pursue God. I can't imagine anything better to pursue. And despite not coming across much Truth, Infinity, or Love, I still have found this process incredibly rewarding and fulfilling.

Despite wanting nothing more than Truth, I still don't know if omniscience is possible. I've had feeling of knowledge, and transcendence, but how do I differentiate any of that from finite forms of knowledge?

I hear lots about this state of knowing where "You just know." but how can you know that to not be self deception?

I'm incredibly skeptical of my psychedelic experiences, and will not take what they tell me as Truth (but will still take them as hints)

As of now, I know a few things:
1. Phenomena exists (I think therefore I am.) (I am)
2. Consciousness can morph into absurd shapes (and smoothly)
3. That I don't know.

My baseline has raised significantly the past few months (I attribute that partially to mushrooms, but mostly to mediation and Kriya) I can retain much greater awareness of the screen of consciousness throughout the day. I can't recognize it as God currently.

Really all that I have learned is that I know nothing. I knew that I knew nothing before. But I didn't know what nothing meant before, and I didn't know how much there was to not know about.

What do yall think about this? How is true knowledge (Gnosis, omniscience, God consciousness) actually possible?

[Clarence]

Thanks for sharing.