Should I continue to talk to my Dad after he lied to me.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

So my Dad is not a happy guy.

My parents are divorced, and ever since I was a child, the only interactions I've had with him were meeting at restaurants. Every 2 or 3 months, I'd sit down with him at a restaurant, and this has been going on since I was a child. 

I only ever see him at restaurants. I've never been to his house and he lives only thirty minutes away from me, and I'm not allowed in his house. I to this day don't know why, but according to my aunt and uncle, its because his wife is "nasty" and doesn't want me there.

My dad is on this third wife/marriage. The first two ended in divorce and I was the product of his second marriage. With my mom, only I was born and I didn't have siblings. I know for a fact that I have half siblings, but I never met them and I don't know who they are. He with his current wife is currently raising two boys, the eldest one is 16, but I've never met them.

This happened last December (2025). So I was sitting with my Dad at an IHOP, and he pulls out his phone and shows me a news article, while I was sitting across from him at the restaurant booth. It was a really weird news article, it featured someone's mug shot and a picture of a crime scene. So he tells me that he has to go to Michigan because the son of someone that he knows was the victim of the crime in the article and they want him to come to their legal hearing.

That story ended up being a total lie. My uncle and everyone I spoke to basically confirmed that he went to Florida. He has a second home there and was bringing his (current) wife and kids there. 

For some reason, I only see him at restaurants. He gets genuinely offended if I ask to come to his home. I sent him a simple text message asking if I could go to his home. He calls my mom and then me and he's furious over the phone. Basically what he tells me is that I can't come to his house because his wife from the first marriage was suing him for his house because it was still under her name, as well as physically going over there to bother him.

He knows I got the idea to ask to visit his home from my extended relatives, because it was my Uncle that was the first to ask me if I've ever been to my Dad's house, which of course the answer is no. So he begins telling me that non of my cousins and uncles actually like me. That they, and particularly one cousin were all laughing at me behind my back. That they were only pretending to be nice to me so they could feed me bad information about my Dad and use me as a weapon against him. I think he told me these lies because he's genuinely afraid of his wife and is trying to maintain the peace of his home by not allowing me to go there.

Neither of those turned out to be true. Don't ask me how I debunked the lawsuit story, but I eventually did. And my relatives making fun of me? They didn't know what he was talking about when I brought it up with them as they are not on good terms with my Dad and haven't talked to him in almost a decade. The specific cousin he named that was making fun of me? That cousin f---ing hates my Dad. Because he gave that specific cousin years ago a check to a bank account which had no money in it, or was it a fake check, the specific details I don't know. That cousin lost his job at the bank and was in serious problems with the law about it. 

I'm asking this because Leo a while ago posted on this forum that he does not tolerate liars. 

@Leo Gura What did you mean by not tolerate ? As in severing connections and not interacting with such people? What if this particular person is lets say your Dad? What do you do?

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOf4rIt5V14

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIa_9fn2nJ4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7FRKhhQ9PA

[TheCloud]

You're only seeing him 4-6 times a year for the duration of a meal, so honestly, unless he's otherwise influencing your life, the stakes sound pretty low to me.  It's crappy that he's manipulating you, but it sounds to me that his lies are more related to his personal mental health issues, rather than being efforts to scam or otherwise steal from you.  I'm more worried about whether or not your dad is actually okay, because it sounds as if his personal life is a mess.

That said, only you know what he's done for you and to you, what it's costing you to maintain contact, and what it would cost you to break it.  Messing with relationship status quos generates confrontation and drama.  Breaking off "bad" relationships sounds like the easy path, but it can actually be a lot of work, and might cause you more problems than it solves.

If it's not costing you much, and your feelings about it aren't too terrible, you could maybe just tolerate the man in case he ever thinks of waking up and needs someone to care.  Heck, it sounds like if you did the "grey rock" method (look it up), and left everything up to him, he might just end up mostly leaving you alone on his own.

[Ramasta9]

Similar situation with my dad. Abusive and violent and divorced my mum when i was around 12/13. Since then we don't talk much but when we do its often always been a struggle and reminder of his darkness and negatively, and if i talk too much its often an argument because his beliefs don't align with my beliefs and ways, and he still tries to control us even though he has his own partner and life. My biological father is somewhat of a narcissistic psychopath. I rarely talk to him because he feeds on fighting and arguments and abused me a lot growing up, in all ways you can imagine besides sexually, and being a military man, he was hard wired that way, but i also can understand he was never taught to love and abused a lot growing up and has a lot of trauma, which then simply passed onto me and my mum. I have spent the last 10 years healing my relationship with him and my mum, and we are at a much better place and less reactive space now, but on and off he would do something or say something to really break my heart. Like the following...

Recently he messaged me and pissed me off a lot, actually made me very angry, I had to release after that. Basically someone dear to my mum who was like a brother to me was murdered in a horrible way, and its had such an impact on my mum and our family, that someone so innocent, so pure, so loving and kind was killed like that, just makes you think only evil exists here and god ain't even here sometimes... but because he was close to my mum my dad always hated him for no reason, and i put my profile photo with me and him because he was a very good friend to me, and my so called 'biological father' messages me saying: Take that photo off this guy is not your parent or family. See what kinda messed up shit this is? The person died and he messages me that? I had to deal with this all my life, the dudes a mental case. I blocked him for good after that. The person who died was 100x the man he ever was. He is so caught up in what others think (his ex wife has a boyfriend) blah blah... that no one in his family or others really fucking cares at all, they are all divorced and remarried or have new partners anyway... its all in his deluded and twisted mind.

Sometimes you gotta cut these toxic people out for good, or at least a very long time, or they may never learn. Biological family only means you are related by blood but doesn't really mean much beyond that. For me real family is those who are loyal, treat you with kindness and respect, can hold space, support and show compassion when in need. This is why many often venture out to find our true/soul family who truly honour and respect them. My family doesn't understand this, nor will accept it, but I feel I may eventually have to show them, by cutting them out, if they don't change, cause I've had it with this abuse.

So yes, if it feels right, cut them out, respect yourself. There are much better father / mother figures out there.

Edited 5 hours ago by Ramasta9

[MarkKol]

My father is an alcoholic divorced twice, I might answer 1 out of 10 of his calls.

I never think about him nor care about what he’s doing, the fact that he’s my father doesn’t change that he’s full of shit. 

If you’re an adult, a healthy connection with your dead-end parent isn’t necessary.

I refuse to spend my energy healing  a relationship I didn’t even ruin, as it was ruined before I was ever a conscious adult.

There’s no trauma, It’s just about priorities. My life and success over stupid family squabbles.