Struggles with Game as an INFP

[Miguel1]

Way to hijack a thread. Sorrey OP!

[Valach]

17 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Good question. I started my pick up journey as a blue pilled guy, like virtually all of us. I just wanted to find the one, but quickly got my heart destroyed, then got into game and female psychology. The desire for true love was always there but 1. it came from deep lack, immaturity and scarcity and 2. I got heavily into pick up to protect my heart from ever breaking so badly again. That's when I truly entered my devil phase.

After my first 2 relationships, before entering my 3rd I was already quite the devil. I was with my 3rd gf for 3 years. After breaking up from that, instead of facing the pain, I completely drowned myself in girls. I was 23-24 at this point. Man, in 1 year, I had sex with easily over 100 girls. I lost count along the way but it was almost a full-time job. I was working evening shifts so I could hit the club 3-4 times a week.

My game basically got so good at this point, that I was easily having sex with 2-3 new girls a week. It was just extremely time-consuming. After 8 months or so of doing that, I got so sick of it, and then covid hit, which actually was a complete blessing for me, as it forced me to finally face myself and my heartbreak from my 3rd relationship. After covid, I came out a new man, I had learned to finally be with myself, and to enjoy my own company without having to run away from myself chasing pussy.

I went to a cruise where there wasn't many people around. I met one of the only beautiful girls there and turns out she had a boyfriend so I was like well, what to do, lets drop game and lets just befriend her. We connected and shared our lives for 3 hours, a smaller form of what I described in another comment yesterday. After few hours of that, she drops the bomb: "so we are having a phase with my boyfriend where I am allowed to explore my sexuality ((with girls))". Anyway, one thing lead to another and I had the best sex out of that 100 girls, BY FAR. I made love to this girl like I truly fucking cared, and it was a holy experience, rather than previously using the girls just to run away from myself and to feed my ego.

That was the moment that got me to finally accept: "holy shit, pick up won't do it for me anymore, and I need serious connection with a special girl".

So I went full circle back to looking for that special girl, but this time with 1. abundance and 2. not afraid to have my heart broken. But. I was still immature as I was very young. Met my last girlfriend and was with her for 5 years. It was a beautiful relationship, with lots of unconsciousness and hardships. But I was more truthful and honest than I had ever been with anyone, by far. I had always seen honesty and openness as key things in relationships, but during that relationship, I really learned the importance of it.

We parted ways 6 months ago due to finally accepting that we are very different people and not compatible. I matured in that 5 years 10 times more than I matured in the previous 25 years. It was also 5 years of heavily studying Leo, whereas before that I had not started studying Leo.

Leo directly affected that break up, for sure. I am grateful as it would have otherwise taken 10 years. It should have been 3 years max, but I was still too naive and immature. I've learned so much from that relationship, and I am ready for a more mature version of that.

Beautiful read man, thank you for that. Do you think the phase of sleeping around a lot had a negative impact in some ways on you being able to have functioning relationships in the future?

[bazera]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

Good question. I started my pick up journey as a blue pilled guy, like virtually all of us. I just wanted to find the one, but quickly got my heart destroyed, then got into game and female psychology. The desire for true love was always there but 1. it came from deep lack, immaturity and scarcity and 2. I got heavily into pick up to protect my heart from ever breaking so badly again. That's when I truly entered my devil phase.

After my first 2 relationships, before entering my 3rd I was already quite the devil. I was with my 3rd gf for 3 years. After breaking up from that, instead of facing the pain, I completely drowned myself in girls. I was 23-24 at this point. Man, in 1 year, I had sex with easily over 100 girls. I lost count along the way but it was almost a full-time job. I was working evening shifts so I could hit the club 3-4 times a week.

My game basically got so good at this point, that I was easily having sex with 2-3 new girls a week. It was just extremely time-consuming. After 8 months or so of doing that, I got so sick of it, and then covid hit, which actually was a complete blessing for me, as it forced me to finally face myself and my heartbreak from my 3rd relationship. After covid, I came out a new man, I had learned to finally be with myself, and to enjoy my own company without having to run away from myself chasing pussy.

I went to a cruise where there wasn't many people around. I met one of the only beautiful girls there and turns out she had a boyfriend so I was like well, what to do, lets drop game and lets just befriend her. We connected and shared our lives for 3 hours, a smaller form of what I described in another comment yesterday. After few hours of that, she drops the bomb: "so we are having a phase with my boyfriend where I am allowed to explore my sexuality ((with girls))". Anyway, one thing lead to another and I had the best sex out of that 100 girls, BY FAR. I made love to this girl like I truly fucking cared, and it was a holy experience, rather than previously using the girls just to run away from myself and to feed my ego.

That was the moment that got me to finally accept: "holy shit, pick up won't do it for me anymore, and I need serious connection with a special girl".

So I went full circle back to looking for that special girl, but this time with 1. abundance and 2. not afraid to have my heart broken. But. I was still immature as I was very young. Met my last girlfriend and was with her for 5 years. It was a beautiful relationship, with lots of unconsciousness and hardships. But I was more truthful and honest than I had ever been with anyone, by far. I had always seen honesty and openness as key things in relationships, but during that relationship, I really learned the importance of it.

We parted ways 6 months ago due to finally accepting that we are very different people and not compatible. I matured in that 5 years 10 times more than I matured in the previous 25 years. It was also 5 years of heavily studying Leo, whereas before that I had not started studying Leo.

Leo directly affected that break up, for sure. I am grateful as it would have otherwise taken 10 years. It should have been 3 years max, but I was still too naive and immature. I've learned so much from that relationship, and I am ready for a more mature version of that.

Thanks for sharing that, man 🙏

If you hadn’t gone through that year of pickup (100 girls and all that), do you think you would have been able to develop deeper relationships like you did?

So, was that a necessary step for you?

What else could have potentially taught you that lesson, besides that one year of experience?

In hindsight, what would you change about that story you told us, knowing everything you know now?

Edited Tuesday at 09:55 PM by bazera

[Miguel1]

21 hours ago, Valach said:

Beautiful read man, thank you for that. Do you think the phase of sleeping around a lot had a negative impact in some ways on you being able to have functioning relationships in the future?

 

20 hours ago, bazera said:

Thanks for sharing that, man 🙏

If you hadn’t gone through that year of pickup (100 girls and all that), do you think you would have been able to develop deeper relationships like you did?

So, was that a necessary step for you?

I am not sure if it affected me negatively per se, but my standards rose maybe a bit too much to the unrealistic level. I know I can get almost any girl (looks wise) so I expecte my partner to be really good looking and cant be satisfied with normal looking girls. The issue with very good looking girls is that most of them are more often than not spoiled, and haven't had to do the in-depth inner and psychological work, which is even more important to me in my partner than her looks.

Other than that, not really. I stand shitty behavior way less, which can be a bad thing in a serious relationship, as there are low moments, inevitably.

-----

If I didn't go through that phase, I dont think I would have been able to develop deeper relationships because 1. I would be in scarcity and 2. there would be parts of me yearning for that phase. But I am wired differently, I am naturally very ambitious and won't settle for less.

I would say it was necessary step, but it didn't have to be in such excess. 1/3 of that would have been plenty, had I just faced myself earlier.

Quote

What else could have potentially taught you that lesson, besides that one year of experience?

In hindsight, what would you change about that story you told us, knowing everything you know now?

I am not sure what else could have taught me that lesson.

I also dont know if I would change anything, as clearly I needed it all to be where I am right now. I would have told myself to face myself and my inner demons, and the pain of the breakup way earlier than I did -- but it is a different story if the me back then would have listened to that.

That being said, practically speaking if I could summon myself back in time and meet my younger self physically, I would give him a big fucking hug, filled with so much warmth and love. That kid really just needed love and safety.

He was and have always been full of love and all he wanted to do was spread that love to others, but that side of him was always taken advantage of due to his naivety and youth, that he got so broken, and had to develop extremely thick coping and defense mechanisms.

I would give him deep unconditional love and make him feel extremely valued and safe.

[bazera]

@Miguel1 Nice, man, yeah I think the path you've gone through made you who you are and that experience is invaluable. 

Most of guys need to go through what you went through in my opinion. I haven't done it, and I sense that I need to do it even though I also want to deconstruct it, but you have to construct something before attempt deconstructing.

6 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

If I didn't go through that phase, I dont think I would have been able to develop deeper relationships because 1. I would be in scarcity and 2. there would be parts of me yearning for that phase.

Yeah, exactly, that's were I feel I am at. It's a long way ahead.

Good luck through your future goals with this!

[Valach]

9 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

 

I am not sure if it affected me negatively per se, but my standards rose maybe a bit too much to the unrealistic level. I know I can get almost any girl (looks wise) so I expecte my partner to be really good looking and cant be satisfied with normal looking girls. The issue with very good looking girls is that most of them are more often than not spoiled, and haven't had to do the in-depth inner and psychological work, which is even more important to me in my partner than her looks.

Other than that, not really. I stand shitty behavior way less, which can be a bad thing in a serious relationship, as there are low moments, inevitably.

I would give him deep unconditional love and make him feel extremely valued and safe.

Same here. Way too high standarts for boths looks and character. And just like you I've found because the woman that are very attractive have way too many options, it in a way corrupts them (just like very succesfull pickup guys) and makes them struggle in building healthy relationships even more.

[Miguel1]

27 minutes ago, bazera said:

Most of guys need to go through what you went through in my opinion. I haven't done it, and I sense that I need to do it even though I also want to deconstruct it, but you have to construct something before attempt deconstructing.

Yes, as human beings, we need to master being humans first before transcending higher.

But the level I took chasing sex was toxic and dysfunctional. No need for that extreme. It was fueled with lots of unresolved pain, selfishness, ego and ambirion.

I hurt so many people in that process and would never cause others such pain ever again.

And thank you! Feel free to reach out and ask anything related to socializing and dating.

Edited 4 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

24 minutes ago, Valach said:

And just like you I've found because the woman that are very attractive have way too many options, it in a way corrupts them

Definitely.

[Miguel1]

But yeah, it’s clear to me that pick up has not much of a place in my life anymore.

And also, needless to say but I’m handling my latest break up in a 10x more healthier way than the break up before this one, even tho this one was 10x deeper and more intense.

I’m proud of myself for that much growth to be able to handle it with so much more maturity.

—-

The heavy pickup phase also helped me to truly learn to value the pros of a serious, loving monogamous relationship.

Edited 3 hours ago by Miguel1

[Valach]

2 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

 

The heavy pickup phase also helped me to truly learn to value the pros of a serious, loving monogamous relationship.

What are the pros for you? Compared to single life and just sleeping around?