I sold my soul to the devil

[thierry]

I sold my soul to the devil.

 

I ended up selling my soul to the devil.

It disgusts me, but it’s the truth, and I accept it.

 

I take shortcuts. I lie when I need to.

That’s it. I’ve crossed over to the other side.

 

And yet, when I was a child, I had a dream.

I wanted to be a hero. Not a spectacular hero, not a fictional hero, but a real one. Someone capable of renouncing his desires, of sacrificing himself, of serving something greater than himself.

I watched superhero movies with this almost naïve certainty: in this life, nothing prevents you from becoming that kind of person. Nothing prevents you from making the hero real.

 

I thought it was possible.

But I failed.

 

I sold my soul to the devil.

 

The trap I fell into wasn’t the temptation of power or money.

It was the feeling of injustice.

 

It’s that moment when you realize others allow themselves everything.

They lie, manipulate, cheat, crush… and they move forward.

And you hesitate. You want to stay upright. You want to stay honorable.

But you can see that the world doesn’t necessarily reward that.

 

So a fear settles in.

 

The fear of competing with someone who has no limits.

The fear that he’ll surpass you precisely because he allowed himself what you forbade yourself.

The fear of losing not because you’re less capable, but because you’re more scrupulous.

 

And that’s when something shifts.

 

You don’t sell your soul out of a taste for evil.

You sell it so you won’t be defenseless.

You sell it so you won’t fight by rules the other person refuses.

You sell it to make sure you can stand on equal ground.

 

You tell yourself:

If I stay upright and he doesn’t, he’ll destroy me.

So I allow myself what I once refused.

 

And that’s how you cross the line.

 

I think that’s the devil’s real trap:

he doesn’t just push you toward wrongdoing,

he speaks to you when you’re wounded, when you’ve been betrayed, when the selfishness of others has left marks on your body or your mind while you were trying to be fair.

 

He tells you that you have no choice.

He tells you it’s necessary.

He tells you it’s for survival.

 

And the worst part is, those reasons sound true.

 

I know they’re only excuses.

And I understand now that all the devils in the world have their excuses.

Everyone can tell their story, their wounds, their constraints.

Everyone can explain why they did what they did.

But in the end, the truth remains simple.

 

I sold my soul to the devil. Period.

 

And yet, despite that, I still have one wish left.

 

If somewhere there’s a young person who still dreams of becoming a hero in this life,

I want to tell them not to give up.

 

On that path, they will often feel like they’re doing fifteen times more than everyone else.

They’ll feel that their altruism, their renunciation, their inner “emptiness” leave enormous space for the selfishness of others.

They’ll feel like everyone else takes, and that for them, there’s only a very narrow space left, almost none at all.

 

That’s normal.

 

That’s what the hero’s path feels like.

They just have to hold on.

 

They should remember that if they hold on, they’re accomplishing something very few people manage to do.

And that, in the end, being a hero may be nothing more than this:

living without ever selling your soul to the devil.

 

It sounds simple.

But in practice, it’s probably the hardest thing there is.

 

[Someone here]

 

[kavaris]

Yeah its near impossible to stay on any sortve idealized, holy, path-like living typeve thing. Like its not even really pointing to anything concrete when we say things like, a holy path (i dont think u called it that, as im finding synonyms for your thoughts) like a straightened path. Like it enters into an experimental idea of *what the right path is*, but for each person, staying authentically true to yourself is all thats necessary. The Morality Play sortve makes it feel like theres a clearer right and wrong than there is, but this morality play changes, it evolves, and is evolving constantly, like, reality is being created because morality is fluid (soo in between reality — dream), like its only through our ability to use morality that we turn it into it. We cast a shadow of morality outward from the center of morality, and we define what it means.

Edited 1 hour ago by kavaris

[CARDOZZO]

This issue is solved when you get a real job and a family to take care of. Sorry for the bluntness.

[Sincerity]

The selling is happening in each moment, and in each moment it can be ceased. At least for that moment.

It's a matter of decision in the now.

[thierry]

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

 

lol of course to Osho there are no devils 

(I love him by the way)

[thierry]

1 hour ago, kavaris said:

Yeah its near impossible to stay on any sortve idealized, holy, path-like living typeve thing. Like its not even really pointing to anything concrete when we say things like, a holy path (i dont think u called it that, as im finding synonyms for your thoughts) like a straightened path. Like it enters into an experimental idea of *what the right path is*, but for each person, staying authentically true to yourself is all thats necessary. The Morality Play sortve makes it feel like theres a clearer right and wrong than there is, but this morality play changes, it evolves, and is evolving constantly, like, reality is being created because morality is fluid (soo in between reality — dream), like its only through our ability to use morality that we turn it into it. We cast a shadow of morality outward from the center of morality, and we define what it means.

I'm pointing to something concrete. You could call it a "holly path" if u want. But of course I'm not talking about morality. I'm just talking about transforming into a Real Human Being in the end.

[thierry]

1 hour ago, CARDOZZO said:

This issue is solved when you get a real job and a family to take care of. Sorry for the bluntness.

No worries. Yeah I'm sure it can  play a big role

[thierry]

1 hour ago, Sincerity said:

The selling is happening in each moment, and in each moment it can be ceased. At least for that moment.

It's a matter of decision in the now.

Thx, that's exactly what I've been telling myself to feel reassured