Leo can't fix you because you are Neurodivergent

[Joshe]

12 minutes ago, Cred said:

And if this is the case, it's not your fault, it's their lack of adaptability.

Both parties are unwilling or unable to adapt to the other. We all want to be engaged where we are, but this is impossible for certain pairs of people. The fault is no one's. Just is what it is. 

[LambdaDelta]

7 hours ago, Cred said:

Before continuing, I want to point out that I don't want to talk any of you into believing that they should regret any past life choices. I sure as hell don't. ALL of your life experience is valuable, ESPECIALLY the bad decisions you've made. Also, I fundamentally reject the idea of regretting ANYthing.

Right-o.
"If you begin to regret, you'll dull your future decisions and let others make your choices for you. All that's left for you then is to die. Nobody can foretell the outcome. Each decision you make holds meaning only by affecting your next decision."  – Erwin Smith
 

8 hours ago, Cred said:

My claim is that if you are a passion oriented person (ADHD, executive dysfunction) you are required to be the main supplier of your own challenges. 

I recently came to the same conclusion. But man, this very requirement can ironically be the greatest challenge for some. 
Wrote this to a friend a couple weeks ago:

Quote

Doesn't help that achieving results considered very impressive by normal standards comes so effortlessly I don't feel any sense of accomplishment regardless of the praise or benefits received.
The difference between me and a typical lazy entitled person is that they avoid challenges because they just want the rewards, whereas I don't give two fucks about the rewards and will take on any challenge, come up with creative solutions, and do the work excellently, but only if the challenge is provided; the process of looking for challenges myself is so soul-killing that I'd rather do nothing at all. Meaning that in the material world, I'm a genius executor but a piss-poor visionary. When it comes to contemplating God, this problem doesn't exist, and so in the brief periods when the two worlds intertwine, I come alive. 

Working out the details is an ongoing process, but I'm definitely on the right track now as I've finally embraced the arduous meta-challenge of generating challenges and enjoying it. 

[Cred]

You seem to be talking about this insight specifically:

On 26/01/2026 at 7:18 PM, Cred said:

One thought I had a lot in my life, maybe many people here can relate with is: "If I could just make myself like that thing as much as this thing my problems would be solved".

But this is again one of those coping "tricks" that don't lead to sustainable results I found. Our brain is just way to erratic to be able to commit to one thing or make longterm plans.

From this post:

Edit: I hope it doesn't look like I'm trying to claim your insight. I just think it can be beneficial to loop back every once in a while to enhance readability.

Edited 5 hours ago by Cred

[Cred]

Why there is actually only one Problem with Escapism

2 hours ago, LambdaDelta said:

the process of looking for challenges myself is so soul-killing that I'd rather do nothing at all.

The solution is right in front of your eyes.

Your wording implies that you have an internalized aversion against doing nothing, and this is exactly the problem.

Finally, to my big point about enabling the Peter Pan people

The reason why the Puer Aeternus (aka "degenerate gamer" type) engages in self-destructive, escapist behavior, is because they're passion oriented and so squashed and discouraged by the societal expectation of them engaging with their kryptonite (consistency, hard-work, discipline, attention, deadlines, responsibilities, chores, etc.) every day, that existence itself becomes unbearable.

Escape and distraction from an unbearable state are only understandable reactions. So what exactly is the core problem with such behavior? That it is bad for health and balance? That it doesn't lead to you making money? That it is "pathetic"?

No. The objects of distraction are not inherently problematic. The only thing that is problematic about escapism, is that it blocks your crucial ability to do nothing and be bored.

The reason, why boredom is important, is because it allows your default mode network (DMN) to activate. I'm not an expert, but if I understand this brain system correctly, the purpose of the DMN, is to enable you to mind wander and through that process

• reflect on your choices,
• search for meaning,
• calibrate your activities with respect to your personal values.

So when passion oriented people are empowered and enabled to uncage themselves from the toxic societal expectations applied to them and at the same time encouraged to just chill every once in a while, they will automatically orient themselves towards their authentic selves and successfully learn to positively disintegrate from society.

Edited 4 hours ago by Cred

[Cred]

Btw. I've written an overview of my personal goals with respect to Actualized.org in my about me section, If people want to check it out.

Edited 4 hours ago by Cred

[Carl-Richard]

14 hours ago, Cred said:

There is truth to this, but you have a very dangerous flaw in your argumentation, which is this: Why do you assume, that challenges have to be external?

Because if you're growing up fed crack, you will need someone to take away that crack before you can shift your attention to other things. Doing work with social value was easier in the past when there was not much else to do or that steered your attention (but yes, stamp collection was a thing, but it's not literal dopaminergic hard drugs). 

And when you don't know crack, you probably won't have much else that gives you a sense of value than work with social value (because if you end up doing too much stamp collection, you will realize it's not sustainable in most cases, and it's easier to stop and the perceived value drops).

If you let the child self-adminster crack and figure out what functional behaviors to do themselves, you will rely on the progressive breakdown of their functioning until they realize their life is too shit to continue this way, and they will either die or have an internal transformation (rock-bottom theory). That's not a wise or sustainable way to parent. It's more wise and sustainable to guide towards more natural forms of stimulation (indeed that of a cat).

That's arguably where most of the self-hatred comes from in the "degenerate gamer": the progressive breakdown of motivational systems, increasing anhedonia, decreasing sensitivity to life, leading to more isolation, more compulsive and stronger types of stimulation (stronger drugs, stronger videogames, stronger porn) and a sense of hopelessness where they feel like they can't get out. And that's where the feeling of disconnection (from the "NT world") comes from, of not having the motivation (forget the competence) to seek out places of connection.

And this doesn't just apply to videogames: it's the eternal dynamic of growing up. It's to go beyond the immediate short-term gratification, impulsive, self-focused hedonism, and orient yourself more long-term, delayed gratification, control your impulses, focus on more things than yourself, eudaimonia. And that's where parents lead by example and provide challenges in that direction, to push away from the immaturity and towards maturity.

 

14 hours ago, Cred said:

That sounds like an awful lot of repetition and predictability for someone claiming they're the opposite of autistic 👅.

I thought you might say that.

I have another theory for why I got "fixated" on that game (we're talking about RuneScape btw), and it has to do with me being promised paid membership for my birthday when I was 11, and then when we were about to purchase it, my dad noticed the age restriction was 12 years old (yes, strict), and he said no. So I was betrayed, making it a kind of forbidden pleasure, so I became fixated on that pleasure once I obtained it for myself (later with pre-paid mobile cards).

This was also reinforced by the fact that because of the feeling of betrayal I got when asking for something I really wanted from my parents (RuneScape was a really really, really, big deal for me at that point), I stopped asking for stuff from my parents in general to avoid that potential betrayal in the future. So I stopped asking for other videogames (and clothes unless I had to, computer-related things, really anything "big"), and it calcified my "fixation" on that one game.

As for the game itself being repetitive, it depends on how you play it. Skilling can be more repetitive (and is notoriously labelled autistic; "clicking on a rock" a million times), but player-vs-player is more varied and action-based (more like FPS games than anything). I have like 9 different PvP accounts on Oldschool RuneScape, let's put it that way.

I have probably also a comparable number of hours playing guitar, and I played sports from like 7 to 14 and was very social at that time. I don't know what technically counts as an autistic fixation, but I didn't channel all of my time into the game. Also, as for repetition, a friend I consider autistic has said he likes to play piano 6 hours at a time (and one time he said he worked 12 hours at work, engineering consultant, with no breaks). When I play guitar, I go around an hour and a half, max 3 hours at a time.

Let me also add that "fixation" on a game like RS is not uncommon. All the bigger streamers in the category have been fixated on it despite being sociable and "typical" in other ways, playing it consistently for decades. There is a saying "you never stop playing RS, you just take a break".

Edited 49 minutes ago by Carl-Richard

[Joseph Maynor]

5 hours ago, Cred said:

If you have a good coach/teacher/conversation partner, you will learn just as well or even more than alone.

Yes.  Beauty is a Dance.