How to practice approaching women?

[fopylo]

@Looks

Sorry, but have you read what I wrote?

I'm talking about the dude

[Looks]

Just now, fopylo said:

@Looks

Sorry, but have you read what I wrote?

I'm talking about the dude

oh, i was also asking about the dude.

quoting again so this doesn't get lost:
 

Quote

 

was she ordered by court to pay that amount?

 

else no way in Hell she'd be moving around with such ease. talk owing to a bank, or an individual, or a gang.

 

 

[CARDOZZO]

26 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@CARDOZZO

Ok interesting videos. I like how they talk about the importance of it. Maybe I'll make it my goal to get an instant date after getting over the fear of approaching and having some conversation. They both seem like they know what they're doing but at first I got some weird vibes from the second video if it's staged. Later on it seemed pretty real, but like he's approach was so weird that it would be hard for me to imagine it working. Maybe it's just my fear speaking.

Sure, give it a shoot 😉

[Looks]

what do you look out of the approach? there's a reason why didnt u sex in high school. everyone attended high school. high school is the prime years and environment of sex. if you are made to miss out then you'll not get any revenge especially not over a pety reason. everyone will judge you badly. sex is your own responsibility. try to approach foids but dont be surprised when they reject you. everyone hates desperation. well males love desperation from other males. females despise desperation especially in the direction of sex with them. theyll outright reject humilate piss on your grave trust.

 

do you have 10 million after tax in the bank.

do you u have a stable inflow of 8 figaras income weekly- if not, change your desire. women isn't a tool to the end fuckhead. women are the end goal. money is merely a device, a vehicle achieveing that my Dream.

[fopylo]

@Looks

You must have confused pronouns. Probably English isn't your first language.

Umm, I'm not sure though

[fopylo]

9 minutes ago, Looks said:

what do you look out of the approach?

@Looks

What do you look out of writing to me all this?

My goal here is to try to improve my ways with women and live with less fear and become more brave. If this somehow triggers you then please journal it out or create a separate thread expressing your frustration with women.

🙏🏻

[Looks]

2 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@Looks

What do you look out of writing to me all this?

My goal here is to try to improve my ways with women and live with less fear and become more brave. If this somehow triggers you then please journal it out or create a separate thread expressing your frustration with women.

🙏🏻

okay. and i voiced my perfectly reasonable worries over she not paying that 2 million british islands pound.

[Zenterus]

1 minute ago, fopylo said:

@Looks

What do you look out of writing to me all this?

My goal here is to try to improve my ways with women and live with less fear and become more brave. If this somehow triggers you then please journal it out or create a separate thread expressing your frustration with women.

🙏🏻

Bro, ignore @Looks. Literally every post he makes is empty garbage.

@Leo Gura Please look into his post history. He might be worth a warning if not outright banning from the forum.

@fopylo As for you, homie, keep doing your thing. Instant dates might be a bit too much for you at the current stage you're in, but if you want to give it a try, go for it.

I will say that at a more advanced level.. instant dates are not efficient. They cost money and dont guarantee a date, plus they risk potentially lowering your value in daygame cause the girl might start perceiving you as someone who isnt doing much in his day to day life, hence why you have all this free time to spend with her, which she hasn't earned.

I personally prefer sitting girls down on a bench for a few minutes to solidify the number and then bounce.

Although, instant dates are useful if you plan on pulling the girl home after you solidify a connection. But then again, sitting on a bench can work just as well.

[fopylo]

Ok ok, quick update (you gotta hear it man @Zenterus ):

I've somehow managed to secure a date on Tinder (well, we just moved it to Instagram). This will be my first date from tinder, in fact - my first online date. The only 2 dates I went to in my life were with girls I kinda knew already and years ago. Bottom line is that I don't really know how to date and what to do. I suggested we just meet to walk around a bit (not huge commitment and make it casual. I'm taking the idea of just walking around and "instant dating" it). Anyways, since it's gonna be in like the afternoon I don't know how to escalate with her. I don't know how escalating in a club is different from during daytime. What is acceptable and what is not. How do I know when to proceed and how? Thanks

[Zenterus]

19 minutes ago, fopylo said:

Ok ok, quick update (you gotta hear it man @Zenterus ):

I've somehow managed to secure a date on Tinder (well, we just moved it to Instagram). This will be my first date from tinder, in fact - my first online date. The only 2 dates I went to in my life were with girls I kinda knew already and years ago. Bottom line is that I don't really know how to date and what to do. I suggested we just meet to walk around a bit (not huge commitment and make it casual. I'm taking the idea of just walking around and "instant dating" it). Anyways, since it's gonna be in like the afternoon I don't know how to escalate with her. I don't know how escalating in a club is different from during daytime. What is acceptable and what is not. How do I know when to proceed and how? Thanks

Awesome, man! Happy for you

Ok, when it comes to dates, you have to be a man and lead. So, although you're just going for a walk, make sure you plan where you're going to walk and where you want to instant date.

Unfortunately, leading is a huge topic that I just dont have the time to break down now, but I will say that you want to be decisive and have a lot of certainty in what you do.

Pick a location to meet that's nearby your house. When you guys meet, tell her "lets walk this way" and lead her straight to a cafe, restaurant, bar, whatever. Dont do lunch btw. Do a beer or a tea or a coffee. Shit like that.

There just vibe and have a good time getting to know her.

I usually try to pull, but i wont confuse you with all the mechanics of that. Focus on having a pleasant date with her first.

After your drink, take her somewhere else nearby your house, such as a bench or a park or whatever. Talk for a bit then motion for her to sit closer to you and put your arm around her shoulder.

Keep talking, talking, talking. And then you can say something like.. "would it be terrible if we kissed right now?" No matter what she says, just slowly move in to kiss her - unless she responds with "yes," which in that case just say "i agree" with a smile and continue the conversation like normal. 

After that, talk a little bit more and tell her that you have somewhere to be later and end the date.

This should last anywhere from 2 to 3 hours.

Im trying my best not to overwhelm you and give you a very simple gameplan, but follow your intuition and most importantly, just have fun with it. It's not the end of the world if it doesnt go anywhere.

[CARDOZZO]

@fopylo 

Counter-intuitive move: treat her like a homeless person 😂😂 this fucking sounds ridiculous but you will not put her on a pedestal.

[fopylo]

@Zenterus wish I could just voice message you since it became my normal way of explaining stuff haha.

Basically I'm traveling now Thailand so I am just trying out tinder here, and I am lodging in hostels.

But in any case, I take what you say and just make it relevant to me. My plan was that she'll be the one who kinda knows around and stuff but I'll be the one like "hey, let's go there. Looks nice". So yes, to keep leading by "bouncing" to different paths I guess. Maybe then I'll suggest "hey I kinda want to get a drink/tea" and then offer her as well (the whole instant date thing). You get what I'm saying. But I'll be honest man, 2 things are worrying me a little:

1. Keeping the conversation going.

2. Flirting and escalating. Like what do you mean by motion her to sit closer? I'm a little scared doing those moves, like the arm around her. This shows intimacy and bravery. Like, let's say I do this, then what do I do and say next? It's obvious I became more intimate with her that way.

[fopylo]

And like how do you greet hello when starting the date? 😂

[Zenterus]

4 minutes ago, fopylo said:

And like how do you greet hello when starting the date? 😂

I typically just give her a hug and say "long time no see" as a little joke.

[fopylo]

11 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

I typically just give her a hug and say "long time no see" as a little joke.

@Zenterus yo I might use it 😂.

And like while you walk, do you hold hands?

The thing is that on one hand I also don't want to make the girl feel awkward by not doing any move and not touching her at all.

[Zenterus]

28 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@Zenterus wish I could just voice message you since it became my normal way of explaining stuff haha.

Basically I'm traveling now Thailand so I am just trying out tinder here, and I am lodging in hostels.

But in any case, I take what you say and just make it relevant to me. My plan was that she'll be the one who kinda knows around and stuff but I'll be the one like "hey, let's go there. Looks nice". So yes, to keep leading by "bouncing" to different paths I guess. Maybe then I'll suggest "hey I kinda want to get a drink/tea" and then offer her as well (the whole instant date thing). You get what I'm saying. But I'll be honest man, 2 things are worrying me a little:

1. Keeping the conversation going.

2. Flirting and escalating. Like what do you mean by motion her to sit closer? I'm a little scared doing those moves, like the arm around her. This shows intimacy and bravery. Like, let's say I do this, then what do I do and say next? It's obvious I became more intimate with her that way.

Alright, man. Before I say anything else, just know that this is just a learning experience. Don't get too emotionally invested in this. Have fun with it.

But to address what you said here: Do not have her be your tour guide. I've done that before and ended up regretting it. You are the man, you lead. I don't care if it's your first time in the country. You still act as if you know what's best. Trust me dude, even though it doesn't make sense logically, this is what the girl wants on an emotional level.

I suggest you do your research, find 2 spots nearby your house and ask her to meet you somewhere nearby and just be like "Hey, you like tea/beer/coffee/matcha? Cool, I just saw a cool spot on my way here, let's go check it out" and just lead.

Now, as for keeping the conversation going, I would recommend to make a list of 5-10 things that interest you and 5-10 interesting questions that you could ask her. Conversation skills are a whole thing to talk about but a simple formula is 1] ask question, 2] she answers, 3] you give your thoughts on what she said or tease her based on the answer she gave and 4] share your own perspective on the topic.

So, for example:

You: What is the most adventurous thing that you've done recently?

Her: I went bungee jumping! It was a lot of fun.

You: Oh fuck yeah. I always wanted to do that. Not gonna lie, I thought for a second you would be the type that says 'oh, I once snuck out of detention' or something, so I'm glad you did something *actually* adventurous, haha.

Her: Hahahah, what about you?

You: Coming to Thailand is definitely up there.. etc etc

---

Don't overthink it, though. If the girl likes you - which she clearly does if she's going on a date with you - she will carry some of the conversational load as well, so don't fall into the mindset that you need to entertain her. This is a two way street.

As far as flirting goes, that is a biiiiig topic as well. The basic idea behind effective flirting is that you want to talk to her as if you're evaluating a future relationship with her either in the positive or negative. So, for example:

Her: I looove to dance salsa!

You: I knew there was something off about you..

Her: Whaat?! What do you mean?

You: My mom told me to stay away from salsa girls, they're too dangerous

That's an example of you playfully disqualifying her for dating. Here's a positive example:

Her: [Talks about something she's very passionate about]

You: Okay ... You need to stop talking to me with all this passion cause I'm gonna fall in love with you and I'm way too busy in my life for that shit. So slow down please.

Her: hahahha

-- 

I recommend that you come up with some flirtation lines of your own or just look some up online. I would honestly not worry too much about it though because this is a date from Tinder, so the girl already knows what's up. I would focus more on giving her very strong eye contact and glancing down at her lips every now and then when she speaks. Nothing fancy.

Now, when it comes to escalation and motioning for her to sit closer and stuff.. fam, this ain't rocket science. Literally say "come over here, I don't bite" and tap the free space between you on the bench. Then put your arm around her and just keep talking as if nothing crazy is happening. 

[Zenterus]

4 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@Zenterus yo I might use it 😂.

And like while you walk, do you hold hands?

The thing is that on one hand I also don't want to make the girl feel awkward by not doing any move and not touching her at all.

Do what feels natural. I personally wouldn't hold her hand but if the girl gives you a very warm hug, you can go for it. 

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

And like while you walk, do you hold hands?

Ideally you escalate physically and emotionally all the way to when you start walking, holding hands becomes more natural.

You can also pull off no physical escalation, then suddenly hand holding but it requires more advanced skills.

[fopylo]

@Zenterus

Yes man I am a little emotionally invested because after all I've never really gone dating. It's kinda a first for me and it's probably just the nerves.

Ok, yes I'll lead her around even if I don't know the area. I'll do my research once I know exactly where she's staying at and find like something nearby.

2 hours ago, Zenterus said:

Now, as for keeping the conversation going, I would recommend to make a list of 5-10 things that interest you and 5-10 interesting questions that you could ask her. Conversation skills are a whole thing to talk about but a simple formula is 1] ask question, 2] she answers, 3] you give your thoughts on what she said or tease her based on the answer she gave and 4] share your own perspective on the topic.

Ok cool, so I'll find like 5-10 things to talk about and interesting questions. Maybe I'll use help from chatgpt. And yes, while talking to her I'll go by this formula:

Question -> response to her answer (tease, joke) -> I'll give my take. Obviously I won't try to force a joke every time.

2 hours ago, Zenterus said:

You: Oh fuck yeah. I always wanted to do that. Not gonna lie, I thought for a second you would be the type that says 'oh, I once snuck out of detention' or something, so I'm glad you did something *actually* adventurous, haha.

But this is actually very witty of you to say. Like I don't have the skill to be that witty. It honestly seems like it just comes to observation and imaginative association. You seem good at it. Maybe a matter of practice though.

 

2 hours ago, Zenterus said:

so don't fall into the mindset that you need to entertain her. This is a two way street.

Maybe I should let go a bit huh...

 

Ok yes, regarding flirtation it seems like a more intense version of being playful. The examples you gave seem like they require even more wittiness. I don't think I'm hopeless though because maybe it's just a matter of practice. In fact, as I was writing this comment I was stopped by a girl in the hostel and we started talking. It was quite obvious she was on something, but I still wanted to take the opportunity to practice some stuff. Made assumptions on her like "you look Asian, but also not really" and then country guessed her saying what she's definitely not. Made sure to make eye contact as I was talking with her. After that when she was saying something sometimes I played off of and just be entertaining and confusing. But the point is that I felt like it was just practice that is needed. But I'm glad you wrote it probably isn't that necessary. The thing though is that on her profile she writes "looking for long term, open to short term" whereas I am the opposite, so we'll see if it'll really translate to her helping in with the flirtation.

Yes, I've learned that when someone talks to me I give them eye contact, but when I talk then I'm free to look wherever and then here and there at the person. The reason for eye contact while the other is talking is to show you are listening and engaged. The reason to make eye contact every here and then while talking is because that while thinking the eyes naturally wander and it's natural and then here and there check in that the person is listening. But when it comes to women, I'm a little confused how to act when I talk to her.

3 hours ago, Zenterus said:

"would it be terrible if we kissed right now?" No matter what she says, just slowly move in to kiss her - unless she responds with "yes," which in that case just say "i agree" with a smile and continue the conversation like normal. 

This is actually genius haha like if she says yes then it just becomes funny 😂. But honestly, I how do I know when it's the right moment to kiss? Like does it follow a moment of long eye contact? When do I suggest it.

Edited Saturday at 08:08 PM by fopylo

[fopylo]

Ok, so update from today:

I did not have the date. I woke up at like 13:30 (we thought of meeting at 16:00) and I knew I had to eat lunch and it could take me like 30 minutes to get there, so to be on the safe side I asked if it's ok we move it to 17:00. She then suggested tomorrow which was weird saying she's exhausted. At first I thought I let her down, but then she seemed to show more signs that she does want to meet and not flake me off. Bottom line here is that we're gonna meet tomorrow instead of today, which is kinda of a shame because I wanted to meet her with the fit I had for today. At least it gives me more time to prepare some interesting questions.

Ok, so now to the approaches:

I was walking along some beach and wanted to approach women and compliment them (smile, clothes). I was starting to take pictures of the beach, and then purposely taking selfies in front of 2 pretty Thai women. Then I asked if one of them could take a photo of me. Not a biggy, but I just didn't continue it from here.

Before the approaches, here is an insight I had regarding mood management:

Being in a positive mood is important for approaching a woman. So I knew I had to get this down. So fundamental. Here are some stuff that helped me get into the mood that I could use in other sets:

Humming some tune, walking around and just appreciating the nice views, and then also telling people "nice place isn't it?" or some other short associative thing which is just for sharing the positivity with another random person.

And just like that it was easier for me to do approaching. Of course it wasn't linear. It was like a continuos thing throughout and in between the approaches to maintain the vibe.

Approach 1 - I saw some old Thai woman with a nice shirt and came over and told her I like her style. I tried being funny by saying it in Thai through Google translate but it didn't work. Then her daughter helped me to translate. Kinda killed the smoothness, and then the daughter thanked me.

Approach 2 - As I was keep walking the beach there was this young Thai girl walking perpendicular towards me just as coincidence and she was wearing a nice looking style (she must have been like a teen). I told her "hey, you have a nice style", and then of course I used the translate and she said "oh, thank you 😊". Yess, this is the reaction I'm talking about. And then as I was walking she smiled at me for like another second.

Approach 3 - Kept walking the beach and saw a white woman (maybe 30 years old) sitting on the beach. Passed her by one meter, and then came back and said "Hey, I really like that tattoo. It looks good on you" (she had some tattoo on her shoulder). She said "thank youu".

I want to add another insight I came to terms with today, and it has been pretty much all the other days:

It's very hard finding a nice looking woman by herself.

I realized I'm also scared of approaching a woman when there are people around her.

Ok, so after doing those approaches I was kinda more at ease, even though I was putting slight pressure to maybe do some extra to compensate for this previous weak day and also to challenge myself, but fine. I decided to approach this white Norwegian man seeming to sit alone near the beach. I started conversing with him and it was nice. He's 56 years old, and turns out the Thai woman quite far from him is his girlfriend, and the other Thai women with her are her family and so they're all together. I was talking to him but felt accepted. They were starting to leave and I was like "oh you're leaving? I was just like about to suggest we get a beer... Do you have Instagram? Maybe if I'll be at Krabi we could meet for a beer or something". It kinda felt like it wasn't going to happen but he still have me his Instagram.

Afterwards I approached some Indian mom sitting with her little child asking her if she knows where the night market is. Then I told her "oh, I actually thought you are a local Thai and that's why I asked you, but you seem to know as well so good". Tried being playful.

Then I went to the night market and I remember my brother was joking about me buying those penis beer bottle openers. So I went to women who work in the shops and asked quite loud as though it's normal "Hey, do you know where are all the penises and naked people sculptures are?" Until I found them.

An insight I had as I was walking the night market:

Sometimes I'd see a pretty woman and we make some eye contact and then I have this little battle in my head of "should I go say something?" "Should I just keep going and forget about it?". We all know this battle, but it is more frustrating when this is the current practice I'm focusing on. So the insight is that when I made the eye contact I felt the fear, looked away, and then saw how this "self" story is being created in thin air. Literally the obstacle.

I then sat at a random table with some random guy there and turns out his from my same country so we were starting to have a chat.

After some time of walking around I came back to the table areas. They all seemed again occupied besides one which there was only one woman there. I tried to escape by finding one with one man but they were all kinda taken already and then that guy said "here, just go sit on the table where that woman is". He said it quite loud enough that for me not doing it would make me look like a pussy so I did it. That shit works apparently 😂. So I sat down and didn't talk to her much at first. There was live music playing anyways so silence is ok. I asked her intermittent questions and not much of a flow at first. Tried being playful telling her she looks Russian, and then indirectly guessing her age by information she gave me which she caught on and it was funny. She is 37 years old from Belgium and also said it's her final night. If I had superb skills it could be cool to have a one night thingy but this was just a thought I entertained. There was some fire show going on next to us so I told her I'm going to see it and if she's coming as well. The bouncing didn't really work but it's ok because I wasn't really expecting something here. She just left back.

Then after I got my massage (normal one, although just the fact that special massages are accessible can be very tempting) I was walking back, and I complimented the Indian guy trying to bring customers to his Indian restaurant that he has a very welcoming face. I was also a little high after the massage.

 

Anyways, this was it for today. Did more than the 3 approaches for sure so I can be satisfied from today. Tomorrow I'm going to the date, and I hope it goes well. Gotta still do my laundry tonight to have a fit for tomorrow. I think I know what my simple gameplan is gonna be:

• Greet her with a hug
• Being playful with her (observational assumptions)
• Then start walking with her and keep being playful and building attraction but not for so long, just to create attraction.
• Then most of the time would be shifting to a more personal mode of conversation - asking about her thoughts, emotions, reasons, as well as sharing my own + interesting questions I'll come up with. And I'll do the playful teasing thing for her responses.
• I'll lead us where we go and bounce us.
• I'll try holding strong eye contact with her if we are infront of eachother.
• Regarding flirtation and escalation... Maybe I'll hold on with it a bit. Hopefully she helps with it as well, but I don't think I'm going hard with it and would be ok if we don't sleep the first time we meet. After all, the date itself seems to put more pressure on me 😂. I'll find a way to end it though.

@Zenterus If of anything, I'd like to hear you especially regarding the last part.