Abundance: an internal or external matter?

[Valach]

Hi,

I have something I’ve been reflecting on lately, and I’d really like to hear other people’s perspectives.

In various pickup communities, there’s a commonly repeated idea that a man should have abundance — approach many women, date multiple women, and have “options.” The reasoning is usually that if a man doesn’t have abundance, he becomes needy, women sense it, find it unattractive, and if he enters a relationship with one specific woman, his behaviour may eventually push her away.

Lately, however, I’ve been questioning how realistic this actually is and how healthy it really is.

Even when I approach and date many women, I notice that the number of women with whom I form a genuinely deep connection is quite small. I might be dating ten women, but if I don’t genuinely care about nine of them, it doesn’t really give me a true sense of abundance.

At the same time, it seems to me that constantly “building abundance” requires a certain emotional detachment, which can lead to unhealthy patterns and may actually block the ability to form a deeper connection with someone.

What’s more, this entire paradigm is starting to feel needy in itself. It seems like a way of masking a deeper issue. It comes across to me as an internal belief along the lines of:

“I’m not attractive enough and I can’t be happy on my own,
so I have to constantly create artificial options —
options I don’t actually care that much about —
in order to validate myself and my self-worth.”

I’m still somewhat unsure about this, but I’d really like to hear what others think:

Is abundance more of an internal state, or an external reality?

Where do you see the line between healthy abundance and emotional avoidance?

Is it possible to be non-needy without constantly creating options?

Looking forward to your perspectives.

[Hezbollah]

I don't know. But if you strive to maintain an abundance mindset in a competitive setting, you will end up getting murdered.

 

I have tried " so you dont have to."

 

Best to maintain scarcity - and it's logical. Because in a big class there are 1-2 Stacies, and if you don't fuck them, their 50 yo perverted debate teacher will.

 

That's law.

[aurum]

@Valach Good question.

The most important thing is that you are not excessively needy, NOT that you actually date 10 women.

Just knowing that you have the skills to go out and meet someone if you choose is usually enough. Get a reasonable amount of success with women under your belt and have a larger vision for your life. Don't get stuck thinking about any one woman until the actual time comes for commitment, keep going out.

Obviously at some point if you want a LTR, you will have to be more emotionally invested. But this is not a problem as long as it doesn't cross a threshold. There's no easy answer to where that threshold is, you just have to use your head.

If you're staying centered on your larger vision and the relationship is strong, that's a sign you've probably not crossed it.

Edited 2 hours ago by aurum

[Ramasta9]

What is external reality but a reflection of the inner-consciousness, ultimately. Universe >U< Niverse = Your > Universe

Your song, your verse, your dance, your play, your creation. But careful not to claim it before you Know it, yourself as is.

So ultimately, Your currency is your frequency. Yes there are others, but "our versions" of them. Vice versa.

Others are ultimately an illusion as we are for them. There is only ONE, ultimately.

All is the One and One is the All. Fun isn't it? infinitely intelligent paradoxical complex simplicity.

Don't get caught up in this too ^ that's where most people fall into traps, at the same time, its needed to be said.

Divine will play. I AM therefore I Love therefore I Play ~

Edited 1 hour ago by Ramasta9

[meta_male]

I’m starting to think what gets labeled as abundance is actually quite the opposite... a constant search for validation. It really depends on who you are and why you're dating multiple people. If it's fear management it won't be sustainable, if it's aligned with your values that's a different story.

Personally, when I don't have any other options I struggle to sit with the uncertainty, cause there's nothing external to cling to. The real work is staying grounded without confirmation. Paradoxically, that's when real connections show up. One at a time.

[Spiral]

Having options doesn’t mean you need to act on them. Like just because you can buy every type of cereal doesn’t mean you should

Edited 1 hour ago by Spiral