Consciously Resting and Relaxing

[Bjorn K Holmstrom]

Hi Judy,

I wanted to offer a different perspective because I see you trying to solve a biological problem with a mathematical tool.

You are asking "How many hours?" and "Is this low-conscious?" These are questions from the thinking mind. But relaxation isn't a calculation; it is a somatic skill.

I come from a background in sports and yoga, and a lesson I learned is that "relaxation" isn't just something you do (like watching TV or reading). It is the cessation of resistance. It is the ability to drop the tension in your nervous system instantly.

Here is why I think you are struggling with the all or nothing swing (hyperactive vs. depressed):

First, you might be lacking a braking system

Right now, it sounds like your nervous system only has two gears: Full throttle (anxiety/doing) and engine failure (depression/napping). Because you don't have a way to gently slow down, you run until you crash. This is why you feel the need to go unconscious (TV/sleep). it’s a safety mechanism because your body doesn't know how to idle.

Second, I think you shouldn't moralize your fatigue

There is a lot of talk here about low consciousness. If your battery is at 5%, going into power save mode, like watching TV and zoning out, is not a moral failure. It’s a biological necessity. Don't add guilt to your exhaustion, that just burns more energy.

Third, maybe you could try the floor experiment (a practical tool), a micro-skill, which I use every other day (I should use it more often actually):

• Lie flat on the floor (hard surface or a thin carpet, no pillow). Close your eyes.
• For just a minute, or 6-10 deep breaths, stop holding yourself up. Let gravity take 100% of your weight. Let yourself breathe naturally into your whole body.
• Feel the tension draining out of your back into the ground.

If you can master the skill of dropping the weight physically, you might start to learn how to do it mentally.

It works even better if you do some physical exercise, stretching or yoga asanas beforehand (resting on the floor is called Savasana, corpse pose in yoga, if you want to look it up. My version is a simplification, the complete asana involves moving your body before letting go).

Since you mentioned headaches, getting a professional massage can also be a good way to force this release. Sometimes we need external help to remind the muscles what "off" feels like.

Eventually, you want to move from repairing, like crashing after work, to protecting; structuring your day so the stress doesn't get in. But for now, stop trying to think your way into relaxation, your mind is part of the thing that is tired.

Hope this is helpful

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Bjorn K Holmstrom this is great advice 🙏

[Judy2]

1 hour ago, tvaeli said:

It's sometimes said Zen is also part of letting go of the Zen, among other Things: to resolve this seemingly paradox in Buddhist Mind for example.

yes. i thought about it some more and whether i'm stressed or not isn't always a function of how much i'm doing. it's an attitude and has a lot to do with the stories i tell myself about all the things i am doing/am not doing/should be doing and whether i think they'll work out or not.

it's also the anticipation of future conflict/discomfort.

[Schizophonia]

@Judy2 Psst

[Judy2]

43 minutes ago, Bjorn K Holmstrom said:

Hi Judy,

I wanted to offer a different perspective because I see you trying to solve a biological problem with a mathematical tool.

You are asking "How many hours?" and "Is this low-conscious?" These are questions from the thinking mind. But relaxation isn't a calculation; it is a somatic skill.

I come from a background in sports and yoga, and a lesson I learned is that "relaxation" isn't just something you do (like watching TV or reading). It is the cessation of resistance. It is the ability to drop the tension in your nervous system instantly.

Here is why I think you are struggling with the all or nothing swing (hyperactive vs. depressed):

First, you might be lacking a braking system

Right now, it sounds like your nervous system only has two gears: Full throttle (anxiety/doing) and engine failure (depression/napping). Because you don't have a way to gently slow down, you run until you crash. This is why you feel the need to go unconscious (TV/sleep). it’s a safety mechanism because your body doesn't know how to idle.

Second, I think you shouldn't moralize your fatigue

There is a lot of talk here about low consciousness. If your battery is at 5%, going into power save mode, like watching TV and zoning out, is not a moral failure. It’s a biological necessity. Don't add guilt to your exhaustion, that just burns more energy.

Third, maybe you could try the floor experiment (a practical tool), a micro-skill, which I use every other day (I should use it more often actually):

• Lie flat on the floor (hard surface or a thin carpet, no pillow). Close your eyes.
• For just a minute, or 6-10 deep breaths, stop holding yourself up. Let gravity take 100% of your weight. Let yourself breathe naturally into your whole body.
• Feel the tension draining out of your back into the ground.

If you can master the skill of dropping the weight physically, you might start to learn how to do it mentally.

It works even better if you do some physical exercise, stretching or yoga asanas beforehand (resting on the floor is called Savasana, corpse pose in yoga, if you want to look it up. My version is a simplification, the complete asana involves moving your body before letting go).

Since you mentioned headaches, getting a professional massage can also be a good way to force this release. Sometimes we need external help to remind the muscles what "off" feels like.

Eventually, you want to move from repairing, like crashing after work, to protecting; structuring your day so the stress doesn't get in. But for now, stop trying to think your way into relaxation, your mind is part of the thing that is tired.

Hope this is helpful

thank you, this is very helpful.

i like the moment when i randomly try a guided meditation and my body starts breathing me more than i breathe it. happens very automatically, which is nice. my body knows how to do this, i just need to let it(?).

Edited 19 hours ago by Judy2

[Judy2]

3 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

@Judy2 Psst

hm?

[integral]

10 hours ago, Judy2 said:

i had a few hobbies like riding horses and ballet (which i'd chosen on my own, they weren't imposed on me or anything), but started getting headaches and abandoned these hobbies. the headaches were real but i'm wondering if there was some psychosomatic influence.

wow that's very strange. Do you have problems doing normal exercise like alone or at a gym? 

[Judy2]

22 minutes ago, integral said:

wow that's very strange. Do you have problems doing normal exercise like alone or at a gym? 

sometimes i feel really uncomfortable at my gym because whenever classes are being taught, the music is really loud and there's a very loud beep-tone every minute that causes major discomfort. 

aside from that, it's all good. 

[Carl-Richard]

3 hours ago, Judy2 said:

sometimes i feel really uncomfortable at my gym because whenever classes are being taught, the music is really loud and there's a very loud beep-tone every minute that causes major discomfort. 

aside from that, it's all good. 

That happens to me too, but I don't think about it when it's not there.