Consciously Resting and Relaxing

[Judy2]

i've asked about this at least three times before, but never managed to fully lay this out for myself and find a satisfying answer, so here we go again:)

first of all, i wonder how many hours of rest and relaxation (aside from meal times and sleep) are normal/necessary. this is confusing to me because i'm a bit extreme in how i'm either all depressed, low-energy, and feel like i need way more rest than i actually do, or hyperactive and stressing out about getting things done, so i'm unable to realistically account for the relaxation hours of the day and how i should even fill them in a useful, functional way. this dichotomy also ties in with my difficulties of balancing boredom and stress.

aside from that, i'm also curious about the quality of the relaxation people typically get. does watching tv truly recharge people? probably not, but what activity/hobby does, without draining someone even further after a long day?

both the quality and quantity of conscious rest and relaxation are confusing to me because my parents have never modelled this well. for example, my mum works full time, but her way of relaxing after work is just napping or low-conscious stuff like watching tv. i wonder if there are things that truly feel relaxing and like they recharge you, without having you go unconscious and basically seeking to dissociate from all of life. i feel as though many people define relaxation and rest after work as a permission slip to "go unconscious" and basically enter a state of oblivion - zoning out, taking a break from existence itself - even though this isn't truly recharging. but then i haven't really figured out how to relax in a conscious way while feeling like it increases my energy again, instead of draining it further. it sounds exhausting to be alert and present with myself all day, but i also feel super bored when trying to "relax" by doing something stupid, unconscious and useless like watching tv....but if i do something useful, it might stress me out again and not be properly relaxing. part of this confusion perhaps also stems from my ambiguous attitude toward being alive and living in the first place, and i don't even know if it's normal to "stay conscious" during all my waking hours...and if there are reenergising ways to go about this. i mean, ideally this should be the best and only way to recharge, but i don't quite know what it would look like in practice. 

is rest just a matter of doing an activity that's different from whatever else you're doing all day? so, for example, if your job is very social, rest after work can look like self-care and me-time, or vice versa, and if you have a desk job, physical activity is what's needed to balance things out. is rest about balancing out the kinds of activities you do throughout the day, or is there more to it? 

 

sorry if this is just a completely unnecessary rumination that would be answered more easily by simply living life and finding out what works for me. still, i would find it valuable to have some people who already set this up in their lives in a satisfactory way describe their reasoning for how much time they spend on rest and relaxation, what they do to recharge and how it's different from (or also similar to) their "productive" hours. thanks♡

and sorry if this is a stupid question.

Edited 11 hours ago by Judy2

[Leo Gura]

59 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

i wonder how many hours of rest and relaxation (aside from meal times and sleep) are normal/necessary.

This will vary wildly per individual.

Don't look to others for the answer, feel into yourself. Your body/mind will tell you exactly how much rest you need. If you just become attuned to yourself.

You need to listen to your body rather than trying to impose expectations on it.

[Judy2]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

This will vary wildly per individual.

Don't look to others for the answer, feel into yourself. Your body/mind will tell you exactly how much rest you need. If you just become attuned to yourself.

You need to listen to your body rather than trying to impose expectations on it.

okay that makes sense. i guess it's confusing for me because i can be too extreme in both directions.

but really the quality of the relaxation/what i do to relax is the bigger issue. most of the time, it's either too boring or too stressful.

Edited 10 hours ago by Judy2

[Leo Gura]

Well, consider that your need for rest itself varies. It is not a constant, as you wish it were. Which is why attunement to your body is so important. If you are listening then you will rest when your body/mind feels it is needed.

But people are so busy these days they try to bully themselves with ideas of "I need to do this thing, and I need to do that thing before I rest".

Of course you can work on optimizing your health too. Maybe you have a thyroid problem or whatever.

Edited 10 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Entrepreneur]

4 hours ago, Judy2 said:

first of all, i wonder how many hours of rest and relaxation (aside from meal times and sleep) are normal/necessary. this is confusing to me i would find it valuable to have some people who already set this up in their lives in a satisfactory way describe their reasoning for how much time they spend on rest and relaxation, what they do to recharge and how it's different from (or also similar to) their "productive" hours. thanks♡

During my workday I tend to experience intervals of high productivity surrounded by moments of immediate recharge.   If I am fully engaged in some mentally challenging work for a couple of hours, I will typically take a break for maybe a half an hour, sometimes more or less, of doing literally anything other than mentally challenging work.   That helps me recharge.

I approach physical activity the same way.   I take breaks to recharge in between.

I balance my extroversion and introversion the same way.   If I am around too many people for too long, I will follow it up with a nice chunk of alone time and vice versa.

My days are intentionally structured where I get a mix of all those things.   I just adjust during each day as best I can according to how I feel at the moment.    I have gotten better at doing that over the years.   I have also implemented structure into my life to allow me to hit my "close to ideal" amounts of those things by default.   As a result I don't often get to where I feel I have been experiencing "too much" of any one thing.

[Carl-Richard]

Here is the one true answer to your problem: stop trying to relax, stop trying not to relax, stop trying to stay conscious, stop trying to not stay conscious, stop trying to do the right thing, stop trying to not do the right thing, stop trying, stop not trying, stop trying not to try, stop trying not to not to try.

Now you're relaxed.

As for real-world practical things, whenever I sit in my office chair, I'm relaxed. I sit in such a way that I'm resting even if I'm working (left foot under butt, like a kind of half-lotus, with right foot touching the ground, arms resting parallel to the arm rests and in flush with the table). And when I get tired and need to take a break, I only switch focus to something else, e.g. YouTube or the forum (sometimes I change posture to a more lying down posture with my feet up on the heater on the wall under the table, all after what is comfortable).

[integral]

I get the impression in your body is under chronic stress and it's not able to relax easily.

Always on the edge.

A healthy body is constantly pulling itself towards relaxation all the time, and then it takes an effort to escape that gravity temporarily for work and play.

Do you remember what it was like as a kid with no responsibilities?

[Hojo]

Watching tv isnt low consciousness and sleeping all day isnt low consciousness.

Low consciousness means you are doing it and feeling negatively.

While she is watching tv brain dead she is meditating.

It is recharging, its just that if you can figure out how to get into that state while not watching tv its much better.

Events that need to happen to you will happen to you and you do whatever the fuck you want to with the rest of the time.

Edited 4 hours ago by Hojo

[Leo Gura]

Just now, Hojo said:

Low consciousness means you are doing it and feeling negatively.

Low consciousness does not have to be negative.

[Hojo]

@Leo GuraThen what makes it low ?If concious is the base state, high would be positively, low would be negatively.

Edited 4 hours ago by Hojo

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@Leo GuraThen what makes it low ?If concious is the base state, high would be positively, low would be negatively.

Consciousness comes in degrees, like light.

What makes it low is the degree. Or just a lack of mindfulness. You can eat mindlessly or mindfully.

Edited 4 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Breathe]

7 hours ago, Judy2 said:

i feel as though many people define relaxation and rest after work as a permission slip to "go unconscious" and basically enter a state of oblivion - zoning out

You are correct. Relaxed and alert is what you are after.

7 hours ago, Judy2 said:

i also feel super bored when trying to "relax" by doing something stupid, unconscious and useless like watching tv....but if i do something useful, it might stress me out again and not be properly relaxing

I am the same way

7 hours ago, Judy2 said:

is rest just a matter of doing an activity that's different from whatever else you're doing all day? so, for example, if your job is very social, rest after work can look like self-care and me-time, or vice versa, and if you have a desk job, physical activity is what's needed to balance things out. is rest about balancing out the kinds of activities you do throughout the day, or is there more to it? 

This is exactly right. Your self-awareness your instincts are spot on. You just need to learn to trust yourself.

And like Leo said, you will have to feel through this. You need to develop the skills navigate this terrain and find the right activities to help you stabilize yourself in calm and tranquility. As you become more self-aware and disciplined you will learn to self-regulate throughout the day.

This is the system I use. Given your level of self-awareness you may want to check it out. https://midlmeditation.com/midl-meditation-system

Everything you are describing is part of Cultivation 01: Skill 00 and Skill 01 (It's about balancing effort and relaxation). That is where you are at on the map.

For shits and giggles this is called Right Effort as part of the 8-Fold Path in Buddhism.

Diaphragmatic (not thoracic) breathing will help you regulate your nervous system as taught by MIDL Skill 00 and Skill 01. It's important that you breath correctly.

They also have a YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@midlinsightmeditation

And an active reddit channel: https://www.reddit.com/r/midlmeditation/

[Hojo]

@Leo Gura What does mindfullness mean?

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@Leo Gura What does mindfullness mean?

It means keen awareness of your present experience.

Try eating mindfully next time you eat. Eat very slowly and feel each bite.

That is mindfulness.

[Judy2]

4 hours ago, integral said:

I get the impression in your body is under chronic stress and it's not able to relax easily.

Always on the edge.

A healthy body is constantly pulling itself towards relaxation all the time, and then it takes an effort to escape that gravity temporarily for work and play.

Do you remember what it was like as a kid with no responsibilities?

when i was a kid, i was bored a lot. if anything, i was anxious to have more responsibilities and act more grown-up. when i look back, i think i had a hard time relaxing already. i remember having very deep contemplations on holiday about how to successfully relax while sunbathing. then i started daydreaming a lot but couldn't really keep my focus, so it was always a bit frustrating. (maybe this is ADD related? i don't have a formal diagnosis, but a therapist has voiced some suspicions.)

while relaxing was hard, i certainly had things i was interested in and enjoyed doing. i had a few hobbies like riding horses and ballet (which i'd chosen on my own, they weren't imposed on me or anything), but started getting headaches and abandoned these hobbies. the headaches were real but i'm wondering if there was some psychosomatic influence.

[Judy2]

6 hours ago, Entrepreneur said:

During my workday I tend to experience intervals of high productivity surrounded by moments of immediate recharge.   If I am fully engaged in some mentally challenging work for a couple of hours, I will typically take a break for maybe a half an hour, sometimes more or less, of doing literally anything other than mentally challenging work.   That helps me recharge.

I approach physical activity the same way.   I take breaks to recharge in between.

I balance my extroversion and introversion the same way.   If I am around too many people for too long, I will follow it up with a nice chunk of alone time and vice versa.

My days are intentionally structured where I get a mix of all those things.   I just adjust during each day as best I can according to how I feel at the moment.    I have gotten better at doing that over the years.   I have also implemented structure into my life to allow me to hit my "close to ideal" amounts of those things by default.   As a result I don't often get to where I feel I have been experiencing "too much" of any one thing.

okay, so for you it's about balancing the kinds of activities you do to match your personal preference. thanks for sharing:)

[Judy2]

@Breathe thank you, i'll check it out:)

[Judy2]

5 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Here is the one true answer to your problem: stop trying to relax, stop trying not to relax, stop trying to stay conscious, stop trying to not stay conscious, stop trying to do the right thing, stop trying to not do the right thing, stop trying, stop not trying, stop trying not to try, stop trying not to not to try.

Now you're relaxed.

noted:)