Got Hit By A Car ( questioning my path)

[Shakazulu]

@VeganAwake 

Thanks for this, I really appreciate it 🙏

 

The reminder that “life is the phase and everything is the path” actually helps calm me down. 

 

[Oppositionless]

I'm actually really jealous of you, because we're close to the same age I'm 26 and despite following this content for years I feel as if I haven't done shit with my life. Can't hit on anyone for shit when I go out. Gave up on music. Gave up on poetry. Haven't started a business . So you're doing good shit. 
 

Ive had an anxiety disorder that's more or less taken over my life just in the last couple months, seemingly out of nowhere. I am not sure what's caused it, all I know is 5 meo dmt seems to help more than anything else, but still it's very hard. Shit happens, I can't explain it, but it's still Good, at least, I trust it is, I have some limited experience that it is. 

[Shakazulu]

@Oppositionless

Don’t underestimate the fact that you’re still here, still self-aware, still reflecting and sharing. That’s not nothing. We’re basically the same age and we’re both in the mud trying to figure it out.

 

Wishing you some calm in your nervous system and a way back to the things you love doing, whether it’s music, poetry, or something totally new

 

[AerisVahnEphelia]

On 22/11/2025 at 3:36 AM, Shakazulu said:

I’m 27, and a few weeks ago I got hit by a car while crossing the street.

 

I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing because it feels like this accident “ripped me out of my fantasies,” and I want to unpack the spiritual side of it with people who actually think deeply about this stuff.

 

Quick background

For context:

I’ve been on the personal development / spirituality grind for about 8–9 years straight.

Heavy focus on:

Pickup / social skills / dating

Music (I rap / sing, record and mix my own stuff)

Business/marketing (SMMA, content, etc.)

Spirituality: meditation, kundalini, psychedelics (including 5-MeO), karma, nonduality, etc.

I’ve worked with a long-term spiritual teacher who studied under Namgyal Rinpoche. For years I basically saw him as “the guy” – my growth teacher, enlightened, at the highest level of development, etc.

My self-image for most of my 20s was:

“I’m the dedicated one. I’m special. I’m spiritually ahead of the curve. This struggle is all building toward a big win: music success, women, money, influence, etc.”

On top of that, this year I:

Moved downtown to really go all-in on music + a social media / automation agency.

Got scammed by a Tai-Lopez-type company for the agency side.

Paid for music marketing that didn’t deliver on what was promised.

So even before the car, the story of “my big breakthrough is right around the corner” was already cracking.

The accident:

I was crossing a street I’ve crossed many times before (yes, technically jaywalking, like most people do on that stretch).

The road looked clear when I started crossing.

A car came faster than I expected; next thing I know, I’m hit and thrown.

I end up with:

Leg injuries (casts, pain, limited mobility)

Dental trauma (teeth moved, dental work, follow-ups)

General shock to my system

- I’m psychically healing and will most likely be back to normal by new years, thankfully. 

What hurts most isn’t just the body – it’s the story collapse

Before the accident, I was doing:

A lot of gratitude work

Daily spiritual practices

“Manifestation” / self-concept work

Deep belief in things like “frequency,” “karma clearing,” “life by design”

I also had this subconscious narrative:

“I’m on a special path. My teacher is enlightened. I’ve done 5-MeO. I’m not like ‘normal’ people stuck in the rat race. My reward is coming.”

Then:

I get scammed financially.

My big marketing plans fizzle.

I start questioning if my teacher is actually my growth teacher for this next phase or if I’ve been over-idealizing him.

I get hit by a car in a very ordinary, human, non-mythic way.

Emotionally, it feels like:

The “chosen one” story died.

The fantasy of “I’ll be successful by 27” died.

The idea that “if I do enough spiritual work, life will spare me from big painful events” died.

Spiritually, what I think is happening

I’m not saying this is The Truth, but this is the frame I’m playing with:

Grief for the fantasy self
I’m grieving not just the accident, but the version of me who thought:

“I’m ahead of everyone spiritually.”

“My teacher + my practices guarantee a smoother path.”

“By 27 I’ll already be that guy – money, women, music success, status.”

That identity doesn’t fit anymore. It’s like an old skin that got ripped off instead of gently shed.

 

2. Karmic / psychological “activation”
I did a lot of consistent gratitude and “higher frequency” work over the last year.
One way to see it:
When you raise your baseline, whatever doesn’t match that level (old fear, worthlessness, self-betrayal, family patterns, scarcity) gets pushed to the surface.

The accident, scams, disappointments, tension with family, doubts about my teacher – it all feels like old karma and patterns being forced up at once.

 

3. De-idolization of teachers and destiny
I still respect my teacher a lot, but I’m seeing more clearly:

He’s human.

He may not be the person who can walk me through this very practical, material phase of life.

I projected “savior” and “special initiation” onto him.

I’m also seeing how much I outsourced responsibility to:

Teachers

Manifestation methods

Spiritual narratives (“this means I’m chosen,” “this proves I’m advanced,” etc.)

4.  Shift from “mythic destiny” → self-leadership
It feels like life is asking:
“Can you lead yourself without the fantasy of being special?
Can you keep going without any guarantee of fame, success, or cosmic reward?”

That’s a very different game than:

“I’m the chosen one, therefore I’ll be protected.”

It’s more like:

“I’m a human. I’ve trained a lot of skills. My life is fragile and not guaranteed. What do I choose now?”

 

Why I’m posting this here / what I’m asking

I know this forum is full of people who’ve gone through:

Disillusionment with teachers and “gurus”

Harsh life events that shattered spiritual fantasies

The shift from mythical narratives to raw self-authorship

Have you gone through a phase where life “ripped you out of your spiritual fantasy”?

How do you balance genuine spiritual insight with not turning your life into a grandiose story?

What does mature self-leadership look like after disillusionment?

Any practical pointers for this phase?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the "positive" American bullshit.

POSITIVISM IS A MIND CANCER

The same as fatalism but more pernicious.

You need to aim for TRUTH, JUSTICE, never for dumb dumb positive.

SOME PEOPLE ARE DUMB RETARDED FUCKING RETARDS and need to be put in their places, they don't need compassion or understanding. A rapist deserves the harshest possible condemnation, plain simple. Sometimes being nuanced is not being smart, it's being a buffoon.

Call everything that is bullshit retarded RETARDED

And call bullshit bullshit.
The word was here in existence to exist.

"I M POSITIVE BRO THINGS MUST GO POSITIVE FOR ME LOL"
No you're lying to yourself, being positive is TAKING LIFE for what it is.

This gay spiritual woo woo bullshit of frequency is funny, but it's ultimately GAY SHIT.

I hope you heal well by next year and rebuild accordingly, you going to get way beyond everything now, in hope this will makes you way stronger.

In the great scheme of things sometimes a bad thing can be the step toward what you really aimed at: truth and love.

You must aim at reducing all self deceptions, including the one of believing you're above self deception.
Stop following any teachers, they are ALL FULL OF SHIT. ALL OF THEM, THERE IS NO OTHERS WAYS.

 
 

Edited just now by AerisVahnEphelia