What if the one thing you actually want to do won’t pay the bills?

[TheBG]

2 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@Elliott No. honestly it just means the odds of even investing time into what I like don’t mean shit because I’ll never develop mastery. 
 

I hate being this negative. Haha… I’m disappointed with my life. The pain is very deep. 

So you don't want to do something you do like at ALL because of your perceived inability to achieve mastery one day? The odds of you investing time into what you don't like are always going to be 100% if you never add in the thing that you DO like with the time you have.

What if you just don't want to do it? If you wanted to do it, you would not care if you were tired or not. I think you would do it anyway. I used to wake up at 3:00 AM, practice until 7, go to work for 10 hours, get home, and practice. I worked 6-7 days a week in a terrible job. I got scoliosis.  I loved every moment of my practice time. It did not matter that I was tired because doing what I loved was amazing.

I am not promoting the "Work yourself to death" culture, though. I also know we all have our own personal limitations. Want to be world-class? Really want to be a master?

Start acting like you want it. It doesn't sound like you do, and I don't mean any offense by that. 

[Thought Art]

@Elliott I am losing hope man… anyway, I should go back to sleep. I’m having a rough time lately. It’s like a black wave. 

[Thought Art]

@TheBG Because I don’t want to be a slave everyday. I get home and have no energy and fall asleep. I feel depressed that I don’t think I can develop enough skill to escape being a slave. I enjoy it when I practice, play and write. 
 

I just don’t see a way out….

Wanting it, yes I do. But I physically don’t have the energy today. That’s what I am saying. I need to be able to see that the efforts I make could lead somewhere. Whenever I practice after work I find myself fighting off falling asleep. It’s so lame. 
 

The reality is… working 10 hours requires rest I do hard manual labour. I need 8-10 hours of sleep. That leaves 4 hours 2 of which are eaten up with eating, etc and I need some rest. So, maybe 2 hour? But I have a life to balance too. Some nights I can’t work on it.

Edited 10 hours ago by Thought Art

[Elliott]

8 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@Elliott I am losing hope man… anyway, I should go back to sleep. I’m having a rough time lately. It’s like a black wave. 

Have a good night 🌚

[TheBG]

1 minute ago, Thought Art said:

@TheBG Because I don’t want to be a slave everyday. I get home and have no energy and fall asleep. I feel depressed that I don’t think I can develop enough skill to escape being a slave. I enjoy it when I practice, play and write. 
 

I just don’t see a way out….

I feel you man. I feel like that too most days.

You're right, that's really deliberating...


How about this? Whatever the highest lever moving task for you is, even if that is journaling, creating a vision, or reverse engineering a goal from end to start... Set aside 1-2 hours first thing in the morning to do that. While your mind is fresh.

If you consume content that is not pushing you towards what you want, try to slowly stop. Get enough sleep at night as well. That will help you utilize the time you do have.

Commit to this process for 90 days. I think you will see progress. Don't focus on the "goal", focus on what needs done now, in that moment.

If you need a better job? Focus on learning a skill that will replace it. If you don't see music replacing it fast enough, maybe do a little less music to focus on getting that highest lever pulled.

Live below your means. Rent with friends if you are able to. Eat cheaply but take care of your health. Gather lots of savings up. You can use this money for professional help, coaching, etc. You could even save up enough to stop working for 1 full year. Maybe 2. Then create a new way to make money within that. You can get yourself to a job where you work less if you don't have as many expenses at some point. That will... free up time.

Reach out to people. Get rejected. Look silly. It's all okay. I think you can find a way out of this if you really want to look for one. Don't wait for it to be perfect, though. That's a trap I fall into way too often. Trust me. Don't wait for the perfect time or thing.  Take relentless action towards changing what you can. Doing what you can. 


I really wish I had the answers for you. I don't even have my own. I wish you the best. Don't give up. I think you can do it. Keep that chin up, friend. Your vocals don't sound as good when your head hangs low

[Thought Art]

@TheBG All that will take years. 
 

I think my life is essentially ruined. 

[TheBG]

21 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@TheBG All that will take years. 
 

I think my life is essentially ruined. 

The sooner you accept it's going to take longer than you want, the sooner it happens faster than you expect.

[XXXXXX]

Imagine complaining about having a job that pays 6000 per month. You're not a slave. Make a plan, execute it, and accept that it won’t be easy. Nobody is forcing you to do anything, this is your life, do whatever you want.

[Thought Art]

I’m still trapped. I have debt right now so it feels like 0 income. 
 

Anyway…. In fairness… I feel trapped. I also feel like I am worthless and a loser. I feel like my life is bad. I’m going through something. 
 

I don’t care about money, and I have none.  In 12 months I could have some. I need to be patient…. 

[XXXXXX]

@Thought Art I see, that means paying your debt should be you main mission in life now. Forget about higher purpose for now, pay the debt as fast as possible! You should care about money, money is the number 1 problem in your life.

[Thought Art]

@XXXXXX It just makes me so depressed. 
 

Speaking of which… I woke up in a deep apathetic depression. 
 

I after awhile got up and did the acupressure for depression, etc I’ve been studying and it worked pretty well. 

I think part of this strong oncoming depression, frustration etc is that I’ve been a regular almost daily pot smoker for a long time. I quit last year, relapsed a bit for 2 months and I’ve been sober for about 3 weeks. This may be withdrawal combined with my actual yearnings.

My cognitive functioning, and my thoughts, framing of reality, my ambition, self esteem, dreams etc… they make life hard. 
 

I can admit I don’t like my life. I doubt if I was a successful musician given my psychological I could confirm it would fix anything. I see lots of successful artists struggle as much and worse than me right now and through my life.
 

At the same time, when I see what Arcadefire, etc does for a job I think my job is really lame in comparison. Like, what the fuck have I contributed? Created? Accomplished? Like, compared to the beauty and profundity of Arcadefire essentially nothing. It’s embarrassing honestly. I feel ashamed of my mediocrity. I don’t feel like I am worthy, like I am a loser. I haven’t created anything profound yet in my life and not only that I’m in debt… it’s like, I’m really a fuck up you know?

Then, my mind does a lot of useless, victim spiralling sometimes. So much pain and frustration, and guilt, and regret, and fear of the future and having to endure this shithole life of a wage slave just to slowly inch my debt down is so annoying. At least I have some kind of plan. 
 

There is an obvious solution to my debt. 
There is not so much obvious solution to my dreams. 

Edited 4 hours ago by Thought Art

[Miguel1]

You are in a huge hurry tho. This is not good, nor aligned with reality.

[XXXXXX]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

There is an obvious solution to my debt. 
There is not so much obvious solution to my dreams. 

Solution to your dreams is to pay your debt by minimizing spending, then you have endless exciting opportunities.

Abstain from all bad habits, give it a year for your brain to fully heal before you give yourself an excuse to relapse because "it didn't work". Never relapse for the rest of your life.

Make a budget and calculate how long does it take to pay your debt, and start imagining how amazing your life will be when you have zero debt, abstaining from all addictions and strong habits. After you have paid your debt you can work a part-time job you enjoy and do extreme financial minimalism, minimize living expenses and everything as low as possible. You can live amazing life with minimum spending, eat home made food with great spices, having fun with people, work on your passions, exercise, meditation, yoga, projects, art, nature, whatever. 

How long does it take you to be 100% debt free?

Also, who gives a shit if you haven't contributed or you are mediocre or that you haven't accomplished anything. You don't need to do anything, why you give yourself so much pressure. My frame for life is that I didn't choose to be born, so this is my life, and I can do anything I want with it, 100% responsibility, this is my life, I don't need to do anything, I am happy if I die without accomplishing anything, this is not a game where you get points after you die, who gives a fuck, but at the same time you want to do what you are passionate about because it's the fun way to live life.

[Elliott]

And the weather getting darker and colder does this to people too.

[Thought Art]

@XXXXXX That is a solid plan. It is my plan. It just sucks actually doing it. So… here we are. 
Thank you for restating it so clearly. Thank you. 

if I’m focused less than 12 months assuming I keep getting contracts all winter and summer….

I want to contribute something like that. I’ve already eaten, taken a shit, jogged. Meditated, fucked, etc… I’ve done it but I’ve not done something like Arcadefire. That is so epic and cool. If I could create anything it would be touring and playing epic songs. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Thought Art

[PenguinPablo]

Bro you have to find a diffrent job.

Might not be perfect but it can be a bridge.

I also find most jobs intolerable and degrading.

Cant force yourself to do those.

[pablo_aka_god]

How old are you @Thought Art ?

[Thought Art]

@PenguinPablo The job I have is fine. I’m outdoors, I get to exercise. Low pressure. No rent or food to pay for….  It’s just not my LP. 
 

@pablo_aka_god I just turned 30…

Like after all this I’m here? It’s so fucked up… I am disgusted with myself. I didn’t spend hours studying advanced personal development to not live my dreams. 

Edited 31 minutes ago by Thought Art